South Park 107.docx

South Park 107.docx

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SouthPark107

SouthParkEpisode107

"PINKEYE"

ByMattStone,TreyParker&PhilipStark

EXT.OUTERSPACE

Alargemetalobjectdriftsslowlythroughspace.

TITLE:

MIRSPACESTATION

INT.MIRSPACESTATION

ARussiancosmonautfloatsaroundinsidethecockpit.

COSMONAUT#1

Vladnyetchakesfski.Bordatcomrade

daboolschnet.

SUBTITLES:

"Propulsionsystemsstable.NoproblemswithMIR."

Suddenly,agreen-facedmonsterwith6eyespopsoutfrom

behindthecontrolpanel.

MONSTER

Graah!

!

COSMONAUT

Aieeee!

Themonsterremovesitsmask,revealingitisactually

Cosmonaut#2.

COSMONAUT#2

Porchat!

Vliditshtadecht!

SUBTITLES:

"Gotcha!

HappyHalloween!

"

COSMONAUT

Shtadtboditbutshtad!

SUBTITLES:

"Youscaredmeyoucommunistbastard!

"

Aredlightonthecontrolpanelstartstoflash.Yetanother

cosmonautfloatsintoframe.

COSMONAUT#1

Uh...Shtool.

SUBTITLES:

"OH....CRAP"

COSMONAUT#2

Schtool.

SUBTITLES:

"Crap!

"

EXT.BUSSTOP-MORNING

Theboysstandatthebusstop.

Theysaynothing,juststareforwardandblink.

Kylesighssoftly.

Cartmansniffles.Then--

SMACK!

!

TheMIRSpaceStationdropsfromtheskyandcrushes

Kenny,killinghiminstantly.

STAN

OHMYGOD!

TheykilledKenny!

KYLE

Youbastards!

!

CARTMAN

Whatthehellisthatthing?

KYLE

ItlookslikeaUFO!

CARTMAN

There'snosuchthingasUFOs!

Justthenanambulancepullsup.Twoparamedicsgetout.

TheboyswatchastheparamedicsplaceKenny'scrushedbody

intoaplasticbodybag.

PARAMEDIC

Let'sgethimtotheMorgue.

TheythrowKenny'sbodyintheback,jumpinthecarand

driveaway.Theboysstandthereforseveralseconds,

blinking.Thentheschoolbuspullsupandtheyshuffleon.

CARTMAN

Hey,wait'tillyouguysseemy

Halloweencostumetomorrow!

Itkicks

ass!

KYLE

Dude,itcan'tbecoolerthanmine!

STAN

Hey,man,wegottagethomeandget

ourcostumesready!

EXT.MORTUARY-NIGHT

Cloudspassinfrontofthemoonbehindacreepybuilding

ominouslynestledbetweentwolargehillsandsurroundedby

ahugegraveyard.

Alargeblackbirdswoopsdownandperchesonalargesign

whichreads:

"SOUTHPARKMortuary".Thebirdletsoutashrill

cry.Thenitletsoutapoop.

INT.MORTUARY-NIGHT

Kenny'sdeadbodyliesonanembalmingtable,surroundedby

tubesandmedicalinstruments.TheMORTICIANandhisASSISTANT

standnearby.Onthewallbehindthemisacalendarwhichis

markedoffuptilltheday"OCTOBER30".

TheAssistantsetsthebottledownonanearbyshelf.The

MorticiantakesanIVneedleandsticksitintoKenny.

MORTICIAN

（Sighing）

Youknow...Ithinkdeathisleast

funnywhenithappenstoachild.

ASSISTANT

OhYeah,Iknowwhatyoumean.

TheAssistantpourssomeWorchestershiresauceontoacorn

dogandtakesabite.

MORTICIAN

Marty,doyouhavetoputthatstuff

oneverything?

ASSISTANT

Idon'tknow.Itjustmakeseverything

tasteso...English!

MORTICIAN

Well,let'slethimdrain.

TheMorticianandhisAssistantleavetheroom.Thesyringe

drainsKenny'sbloodintoabucket.

CREEPYMUSICstartsupasweseeanothertubewhichruns

embalmingfluidintoKenny.WeFOLLOWthetubeuptoashelf,

pastarowofbottles,uptoavatlabeled"EMBALMINGFLUID".

WeMOVEUPtoseethatontheshelfabovethevatsitsthe

bottleofWorchestershiresauce.AsthemusicgetsLOUDER,

thebottlestartstorockbackandforth.

Suddenly,itFALLSoverandbeginstopouroutintothevat

ofembalmingfluid!

AsthemusicreachesaCRESCENDO,Kenny'seyespopopen!

EXT.MORTUARY-NIGHT

TheMorticianandhisAssistantstandbythebackdoor,

smokingcigarettes.

MORTICIAN

Sothenthenecrophiliacsays,if

thisain'tacadaver,thenI...

KennyleapsontotheMorticianandclampsontohisheadlike

avelociraptor.AshortmeleeensuesasKennyclawsandbites

bothmenandrunsaway.

ASSISTANT

（holdinghishead）

Goddamn,thatlittleturdbitme!

MORTICIAN

（clutchinghisarm）

Metoo!

EXT.SOUTHPARK-EVENING

AsCREEPYMUSICplays,Kenny'szombiesilhouettewalksdown

SouthParkavenue--cloudsdriftinfrontofabright,half

moon.

COMMERCIALBREAK#1

EXT.BUSSTOP-MORNING

Kylestandsaloneatthebusstop,butwedon'trecognize

him.Heiswearingastrange,furrymask.

StanwalksupdressedasRaggedyAndy.

KYLE

Haha!

Youlooklikeapansy!

STAN

Shutup,Kyle!

KYLE

Whatareyousupposedtobe?

STAN

I'mRaggedyAndy.

KYLE

（Laughing）

Whythehelldidyoudressuplike

RaggedyAndy,dude?

!

STAN

Wendy'sgoingasRaggedyAnne.And

shesaidthiswaywe'dwinthecostume

contestforsure.

KYLE

Noway,dude.I'mgonnawinthe

costumecontestwiththissweet

Chewbaccacostume!

STAN

Wendysaidthatfirstprizeistwo

tonsofcandy!

KYLE

Wow,Cool!

JustthenCartmanwalksupdressedasHitler.

CARTMAN

Heydudes.

KYLE

Cartman...Whatkindofcostumeis

that?

CARTMAN

It'sAdolphHitlercostume.SIEG

HIEL!

!

SIEGHIEL!

!

!

STAN

Where'dyougetthat?

CARTMAN

Mymommadeit.Isn'titCool?

KYLE

NOIT'SNOTCOOL!

CARTMAN

Whatareyousupposedtobe,Stan?

HowdyDoody?

STAN

No,I'mRaggedyAndy,fatass!

CARTMAN

Oh.Wow,youlookprettycool.

Longpause...ThenCartmanandKylelaughloudly.

KYLE

Sissy

STAN

I'llkickyourass,Kyle!

CARTMAN

Ohlookout!

HollyHobbyisallpissed

off!

!

Kennywalksup.Oneofhisribsjutsout.Darkcirclesring

hiseyes.HelookslikeaZombie.

KYLE

Heylook,Kenny'snotdead.

Kennyslouchesalittlemore.

STAN

YouforgottowearacostumeKenny.

KYLE

Yea,what'sthematter?

Couldn't

yourfamilyaffordacostumefor

you?

STAN

Yeah,whyisyourfamilysopoor,

Kenny.

Kennyremainssilent.

CARTMAN

Kenny'sfamilyissopoor,that

yesterdaytheyhadtoputtheir

cardboardboxupforasecond

mortgage.

TheboyslaughandwaitforasmartasscomebackfromKenny,

butKennyjuststandsthere.

CARTMAN

（Agitated）

Isaidyourfamilyhadtoputa

cardboardboxupforasecond

mortgage!

!

Kenny!

!

!

Noresponse.

CARTMAN

I'mtalkingtoyou,Kenny!

Achtung!

!

Poorpieceofcrap.

Theschoolbuspullsup.

MS.CRABTREE

Comeon,we'rerunninglate!

STAN

Ah,we'reALWAYSrunninglateyou

uglyskank.

MS.CRABTREE

WHATDIDYOUSAY?

STAN

IsaidIcan'twaittoownafishing

tank.

MS.CRABTREE

Oh...neithercanI.

INT.DOCTOR'SOFFICE-DAY

TheMorticianandhisAssistantsitonalittlehospital

bed.TheDOCTORuseshisstethoscopeontheirchests.The

Assistantmoanssoftly.

DOCTOR

Veryinteresting...

MORTICIAN

WhatisitDoc?

TheDoctortakesthestethoscopeoutofhisears.

DOCTOR

Well,yourtemperatureisonly55

degrees,youhavenopulse,no

heartbeat,andyoureyesareall

puffyandsticky.

MORTICIAN

Oh,no.Youmean...

DOCTOR

Yea,I'mafraidthetwoofyouhave

pinkeye.

TheMorticianandhisAssistantgasp.

DOCTOR

I'dgiveyoutopicalmedicinebutI

don'twanttotouchyou.

ASSISTANT

OhI'msohungryandallIcanthink

abouteatingisis...BRAINS!

DOCTOR

Yeah,well,forGod'ssakedon't

touchyoureyes.I'llprescribesome

antibiotics.

INT.CLASSROOM-DAY

Theboyswalkintotheclassroom.

KYLE

Justwaittilleveryoneseesmysweet

Chewbaccacostume!

They'regonnabe

sojealous--

Theboyswalkinandsee:

TheentireclassisdresseduplikeChewbacca.

STAN

Whoadude!

KYLE

（Incredulous）

EVERYONEcameasChewbacca?

MR.GARRISON（O.S.）

Itsuredoesseemtobeapopular

costumethisyearKyle.

TheboysturntoseeMR.GARRISONdresseduplikeMARILYN

MONROE.HeliftsuphishandstorevealMR.HAT,whois

dressedasChewbacca.

MR.HAT

（WOOKIEGROWL）

Kyleremoveshismaskandthrowsitdown.

KYLE

Dammit!

STAN

Wendy?

TheChewbaccanexttoStantakesoffit'smasktoreveal

thatit'sWENDY.

WENDY

HiStan.

STAN

YousaidweweregoingtobeRaggedy

AnneandAndy,remember?

WENDY

Yeah.

STAN

Weweregoingtoenterthecostume

contestasapair!

WENDY

Iknow,butthen...IguessIjust

realizedhowstupidwewouldlook.

Stanblinks.

STAN

YouWHAT?

!

!

WENDY

Ithoughtyouwouldreachthesame

conclusion,soIcameasChewbacca.

Stanslamshisheaddownonhisdesk.

KID#1

HeyStan,youlookalmostpretty

enoughtokiss.

KID#2

Yeah,youwanttobemygirlfrind?

CARTMAN

Yousee?

Allofasuddenmycostume

isprettybadass,huh?

KYLE

Dude,dressinguplikeHitlerisNOT

badass!

CARTMAN

You'rejustjealous.Whydon'tyou

gobacktoEndor,youstupidWookie!

KYLE

Wookiesdon'tliveonEndor!

CARTMAN

（Mimicinghim）

Mamamamimomomo!

KYLE

Atleastmymom'snotonthecover

ofCrackWhoreMagazine!

CARTMAN

What?

Whatdidyousay?

!

MR.GARRISON

Okaynow,allyoulittleChewbaccas

takeyourseats.

Theboyssitdown.

MR.GARRISON

Children,sincetodayisHalloween,

Ithoughtweshouldlearnsomething

aboutthegreathorrorwriterJackie

Collins.Yousee,whenJackieCollins

firstwrotehernovel..

Kenny'sarmfallsoffandhitsthefloor.

WENDY

Ew!

MR.GARRISON

IsthereaproblemKenny?

Let'stry

tokeepourhandsandarmsto

ourselves,okay?

KYLE

I'mnevergoingtowinthat2tons

ofcandylookinglikeeveryoneelse!

EXT.CARTMAN'SHOUSE-DAY

Ms.CartmandecoratestheexteriorofthehousewithHalloween

paraphernalia.Itisalreadycoveredwithplasticpumpkins,

skeletons,witches,vampires,graphicscenesfromcarcrashes

andphotosofmutilatedbodies.

Shehumshappilyasshehangsaphotoo