生活大爆炸全英文剧本404.docx
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生活大爆炸全英文剧本404.docx
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生活大爆炸全英文剧本404
Series4Episode04–TheHotTroll Deviation
Scene:
TheCheesecakeFactory.
Raj:
I’mtellingyou,ifxenonemitsultravioletlight,thenthosedarkmatterdiscoveriesmustbewrong.
Sheldon:
Yes,well,ifwelivedinaworldwhereslow-movingxenonproducedlight,thenyou’dbecorrect.Also,pigswouldfly,myderrierewouldproducecottoncandy,andThePhantomMenacewouldbeatimelessclassic.
Raj:
Oh,you’resoarrogant.Ifyouwereasuperhero,yournamewouldbeCaptainArrogant.Andyouknowwhatyoursuperpowerwouldbe?
Arrogance.
Sheldon:
You’rewrongagain.Ifmysuperpowerwerearrogance,mynamewouldbeDr.Arroganto.
Howard(laughs):
IlovewatchingRajandSheldontrytoworktogether.
Leonard:
Yeah,it’slikeifAlienandPredatordecidedtogopartnersinaJambaJuice.
Raj:
Hasitoccurredtoyouyou’remissingthebigpicture?
Ifyoulookatneutronscatteringdata…
Sheldon:
Oh,Penny?
Penny?
Penny:
What’sup?
Sheldon:
Nothing.IjustwantedtomakeRajstoptalking.
Howard(afterRajwhisperstohim):
No,no,no.Hewon.Suckitup.
Penny:
Well,I’daskyouguysifyouwantdessert,butIknowSheldondoesn’teatdessertonTuesdays.AndevenifRajwantedsomething,hecouldn’ttellme.Howardwon’torderanything,buthewillcomeupwithsomesortofskeevycommentinvolvingthewordspieorcheesecake.AndLeonard’slactoseintolerant,sohecan’teatanythingherewithouthisintestinesblowinguplikeaballoonanimal.
Leonard:
Hangonasecond.Icouldhavethefruitplatter.
Penny:
Youwantthefruitplatter?
Leonard:
Doesithavemelononit?
Penny:
Yeah.
Leonard:
No,Ican’teatmelon.
Penny:
Oh,Howard,headsup.Yourex-girlfriendjustcameinforhershift.
Leonard:
Whenwasthelasttimeyousawher?
Howard:
Oh,notsincewebrokeup.Wow.HowamIgoingtoplaythis?
Sophisticatedandrelaxed?
Friendly,noncommittal?
Coldanddistant?
(Hidesundertable).
Bernadette:
Hi,guys.
Leonard:
Hey.
Sheldon:
Hello.Iseeyoudecidedtogowithpatheticandfrightened.
Raj:
It’soneofhisbestmoves.
Creditssequence.
Scene:
Howard’sbedroom.Howardentersinasilkdressinggown,putsonromanticmusicandsetsupmoodlighting.Getsontobed.
Howard:
So,mydear,wemeetagain.
KateeSackhoff:
Hello,Howard.I’vemissedyou.
Howard:
I’vemissedyou,KateeSackhoff.
KateeSackhoff:
Onequestion.
Howard:
Anything.
KateeSackhoff:
WhyamIwearingmyBattlestarGalacticaflightsuitinbed?
Howard:
Whyareyouinbedwithme?
Ifwestarttoquestionthis,itallfallsapart.
KateeSackhoff:
Sorry.Oh,ravishme,Howard.Myloinsacheforyou.
Howard:
Okay,ifyouinsist.
MrsWolowitz(off):
Howard,haveyouseenmygirdle?
!
Howard:
No,Ma!
MrsWolowitz:
Ican’tfindit,andI’mlateformyWeightWatchersmeeting!
Howard:
Maybeitcommittedsuicide!
Leavemealone!
Now,wherewerewe?
Bernadette:
Ibelieveyouwereabouttoripoffmyuniformwithyourteeth.
Howard:
Bernadette?
Whatareyoudoinghere?
KateeSackhoff:
Well,ifIhadtoguess,I’dsayI’mherebecauseyousawmeearlierthisevening,andyou’restillhunguponme.
Howard:
No,I’mnot.
Bernadette:
Clearlyyouare.Otherwise,basedonpastexperience,we’dbedonebynow.
Howard:
Okay,I’malittleconfusedhere.
GeorgeTakei:
Oh,my.CanIhelp?
Howard:
Notthatkindofconfused.
Bernadette:
What’sGeorgeTakeidoinghere?
KateeSackhoff:
Howard,doyouhavelatenthomosexualtendencies?
Howard:
No,ofcoursenot.
GeorgeTakei:
Soyousay.Yet,hereIam.
KateeSackhoff:
George,letmeaskyousomething.Howdidyoudealwithbeingtypecastasasciencefictionicon?
GeorgeTakei:
It’sdifficult.Youtryandstretchasanactor,doStrindberg,O’Neill,butalltheywantis,Courselaidin,Captain.
KateeSackhoff:
Tellmeaboutit.It’sfrackin’frustrating.
Howard:
Wait.Katee,whyareyouleaving?
Bernadette:
She’sleavingbecauseyoureallywanttobewithme.
MrsWolowitz:
Howard,Ifoundmygirdle!
Itwasinthedryer!
Howard:
Great,Ma!
MrsWolowitz:
Ithinkitshrunk!
I’mspillingoutlikethePillsburyDoughboyhere!
Howard:
Andwiththatmentalpicture,Ithinkwe’redonefortheevening.
Scene:
Theuniversitycafeteria.
Leonard:
Youknow,younevertoldmewhathappenedbetweenyouandBernadette.
Howard:
Ididastupidthing.
Leonard:
Yeah,Iguessedthat.
Howard:
Itwasthekindofthingthatmakesitkindofhardtofacehernow.
Leonard:
Thatcoversanythingfromfartinginbedtokillingahomelessguy.Oh,myGod.Youranoverahobo.
Howard:
No.Stopasking.
Leonard:
Allright,fine.Soyouwanttogetbacktogetherwithher,butyou’retooashamedtofaceherbecauseofwhateveritisyoudid.
Howard:
Inanutshell.
Leonard:
Okay.Well,howaboutthis?
KidnapBernadettefromtheoperawearingacreepymasksoshedoesn’tknowit’syou.
Howard:
Now,yousee,Idon’tknowifyou’rekiddingornot.
Raj:
You’rebeingunreasonable.Whycan’tIhaveadesk?
Sheldon:
Ourcollaborationisaworkofthemind.Wedon’tneeddesks.
Raj:
Youhaveadesk.
Sheldon:
Correct.
Raj:
ButIcan’thaveone.
Sheldon:
You’retwofortwo.
Leonard:
Whycan’thehaveadesk,Sheldon?
Sheldon:
Oh,Lord,willthisdayneverend?
AsI’veexplainedrepeatedlytoDr.Koothrappali,whoseabilitytocomprehendtheAmericanidiomfailshimwhenit’sconvenient,there’sabsolutelynomoneyinmybudgetforadditionalofficefurniture.
Raj:
Oh,butthere’smoneyforadrawerfullofRedVines,amarshmallowshootingrifle,andasuperexecutiveantfarmwithglow-in-the-darksand?
Sheldon:
Yes.
Howard:
Okay,whatifhebuyshisowndesk?
Raj:
Yeah,whatifIbuymyowndesk?
Sheldon:
That’sridiculous.
Howard:
Why?
Sheldon:
Because…
Raj:
Yes?
Sheldon:
It’smyoffice.
Leonard:
Sheldon.
Sheldon:
Allright,allright.Hecanbuyhisowndesk.
Raj:
AndIcanputitinyouroffice?
Sheldon:
Well,youreallywanttodottheI’sandcrosstheT’s,don’tyou?
Leonard:
Whywouldyouwantaglow-in-the-darkantfarm?
Sheldon:
Theydosomeoftheirbestworkatnight.
Scene:
Penny’sapartment.Pennyisgatheringlaundry.
Penny(pickingupatopandsniffingit):
Ah,it’sokay.
Sheldon(voice):
(Knock,knock,knock)Penny?
(Knock,knock,knock)Penny?
(Knock,knock,knock)Penny?
(Pennyopensdoor.Howardisstoodoutsidewithahand-heldvoicerecorder.)Penny?
Howard:
Wouldyouhaveopenedthedoorifyouknewitwasme?
Penny:
NotsinceIfoundouttheteddybearyougavemehadawebcaminit.
Howard:
Ijusthaveaquestion.DoesBernadetteevertalkaboutme?
Penny:
Oh,absolutely.
Howard:
Shedoes?
Penny:
Yeah,sure.Justyesterday,sheasked,whyisHowardhidingunderthetable?
Howard:
Shesawthat,huh?
Penny:
Oh,no,notatfirst.RightafterIpointeditout.
Howard:
Letmeaskyousomethingelse.Issheseeinganybody?
Penny:
Uh,notthatIknowof.Hey,whilewe’reonthesubject,whydidyouguysbreakupanyway?
Howard:
Oh,I’drathernotsay.
Penny:
Howard,ifyouwantmyhelp,I’vegottoknowwhathappened.
Howard:
Butit’sembarrassing.
Penny:
Yeah,that’swhatI’mcountingon.Spill.
Howard:
Okay.Well,youknowWorldofWarcraft?
Penny:
Um,theonlinegame?
Sure.
Howard:
Well,didyouknowthatthecharactersinthegamecanhavesexwitheachother?
Penny:
Oh,God.IthinkIseewherethisisgoing.
Howard:
HernamewasGlissindatheTroll.Bernadettewalkedinonmewhileweweredoingthecyber-nastyundertheBridgeofSouls.
Penny:
Oh,you’reright.Thatissoembarrassing.
Howard:
Wouldyoutalktoher?
Penny:
Bernadetteorthetroll?
Howard:
Bernadette.Shewassomadatme,shewouldn’tevenlistentomysideofthestory.
Penny:
Well,whatwasyourside?
Howard:
Well,forallweknow,GlissindatheTrollwasn’tevenarealwoman.Imean,shecould’vebeena50-year-oldtruckdriverinNewJersey.
Penny:
Really?
Andthatdidn’tmakeherfeelbetter?
Howard:
Willyoutalktoher,seeifthere’sanychanceatallwecouldgetbacktogether?
Penny:
Oh,gee,Howard,Ireallydon’twanttogetinthemiddleofthis.
Howard:
No.Whywouldyou?
I’mjustanotherlonelynerd,livingwithhismother,tryingtofindanyscrapofhappinesshecan.Youknow,maybetomakeupforthefactthathisdadlefthimwhenhewas11.
Penny:
Okay,Iwillthinkaboutit.
Howard:
Youknow,I’vealwaysblamedmyselfforhimleaving.IalwaysthoughtitwasbecauseIwasn’tthesonhewanted.
Penny:
Yeah,IsaidI’dthinkaboutit.
Howard:
Iwasn’tathletic,yeah,Iwaskindofsickly.
Penny:
Okay,fine.Look,look,I’mcallinghernow!
See?
Howard:
Thankyou.
Scene:
Acorridorattheuniversity.
Leonard:
Soanyway,HowardaskedPennytotalktoBernadette,andshedid,andBernadetteagreedtomeethimforacupofcoffee.
Sheldon:
Onequestion.
Leonard:
Yeah?
Sheldon:
Whyonearthareyoutellingmeallthis?
Leonard:
Idon’tknow.Sometimesyourmovementsaresolifelike,Iforgetyou’renotarealboy.
(Sheldonopenshisofficedoor.Itbangsagainstadesk.Inside,Rajissatbehindahuge,ornateantiquewoodendeskinanenormousantiqueswivelchair.)
Raj:
YousaidIcouldbuyadesk.
Sheldon:
Thisisn’tadesk.ThisisaBrobdingnagianmonstrosity.
Raj:
IsthattheAmericanidiomforgiant,big-assdesk?
Sheldon:
It’sactuallyBritish.
Raj:
Canyousayitagainforme?
Sheldon:
Brobdingnagian.
Raj:
Onemoretime?
Sheldon:
Brobdingnagian.
Raj:
Nowthreetimesfast?
Sheldon:
Brobdingnagian,Brobdingna…Howdidyouevengetitinhere?
Raj:
That’sforme,Ramon,Julio,JesusandRodrigotoknowandyoutofindout.
Sheldon:
Allright,you’vemadeyourpoint.Afineprank,veryamusing.Nowgetitout.
Raj:
No.
Sheldon:
Yes.
Raj:
No.
Sheldon:
Yes.
Raj:
No.
Sheldon:
Yes.
Raj:
Ihavethreebrothersandtwosisters,Sheldon,Icandothisallday.
Sheldon:
Allright,
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