The big bang theory 0201 The Bad Fish Paradigm.docx
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The big bang theory 0201 The Bad Fish Paradigm.docx
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Thebigbangtheory0201TheBadFishParadigm
THEBIGBANGTHEORY
Season2,Episode1(s02e01)Title:
TheBadFishParadigm
--->Dialogonly<---
LEONARD:
So,yousee,whatyou'reeatingisnottechnicallyyogurt,becauseitdoesn'thaveenoughliveacidophiluscultures.It'sreallyjusticemilkwithcarrageenanaddedforthickness.
PENNY:
Oh,that'sveryinteresting.
LEONARD:
Heh-heh.It'salsonotpinkandhasnoberries.
PENNY:
Yeah,butitdoesn'treallyanswermyquestion.
LEONARD:
Whatwasyourquestionagain?
PENNY:
Doyouwantsome?
LEONARD:
Ah.Right.No.I'mlactoseintolerant.
PENNY:
Right.
LEONARD:
So,gas.
PENNY:
Yeah,gotit.
LEONARD:
Well,goodnight.
PENNY:
Whatareyoudoing?
LEONARD:
There'sadraft.
PENNY:
Ididn'tfeeladraft.
LEONARD:
Wh-Whydon'twejustgointo,uh,your...?
PENNY:
Oh,yeah.Youknowwhat,maybeweshouldslowthingsdownalittle.
LEONARD:
No,no.Ididn'tmeantogointoyourapartmenttogofast.
PENNY:
No,Iknow.Iknowwhatyoumeant.It'sjustthisisonlyourfirstdate.
LEONARD:
Yeak,okay.Sure,noproblem.Whydon'twejustfigureoutwherewe'regoingandwhenwewanttoget
there.Andthenrateofspeedequalsdistanceovertime.SolveforR.
PENNY:
Orwecouldjustwingit.
LEONARD:
Thatmightworktoo.
PENNY:
Goodnight,Leonard.
LEONARD:
Goodnight.
RAJESH:
He'scoming.Screensaver.
HOWARD:
Ohhey,Leonard.Howwasyourdate?
LEONARD:
Biteme.Sheldon,howcouldyoujustsitthereandletthemspyonme?
SHELDON:
Theywereclever,Leonard.Theyexploitedmycompletelackofinterestinwhatyouweredoing.
HOWARD:
Youshouldthankus.WhenfuturegenerationstrytodeterminewhyyourrelationshipwithPenny
crashedandburned,thisrighthereistheblackbox.
LEONARD:
Whatareyoutalkingabout?
Thedatewentfine.
RAJESH:
Dude,shesaidshewantstoslowthingsdown.
LEONARD:
Okay,soshesaidshewantstoslowthingsdown.It'slikesaying:
“I’mreallyenjoyingthismeal.I'm
goingtoslowdownandsavorit.”
HOWARD:
No,it'slike,„Thisfishtastesbad,soI'mgonnaslowdownandspititout.“
RAJESH:
Youbeingthefish.
LEONARD:
I'mnotthefish.
HOWARD:
Oh,really?
Didyoumakeaseconddate?
LEONARD:
Well,no.Wesortofdecidedtowingit.
SHELDON:
Oh,evenIknowthat'slame.
LEONARD:
Okay.Allright,let’sassumeyourhypothesis.Wewenttodinner,wetalked,welaughed,wekissed.WherecouldIhavepossiblygonewrong?
HOWARD:
Thinkback,Leonard.Thelittlestthingscansetwomenoff.Like,“Hey,thewaitressishot.Ibetwecouldgethertocomehomewithus.“Or,“Howmuchdoesyourmomweigh?
IwannaknowwhatI'mgettinginto.”
LEONARD:
Ididn'tsayanythinglikethat.
HOWARD:
Good,'causetheydon'twork.
RAJESH:
Theyalsodon'tcareforitifyoustareatthemandhyperventilate.Sadly,that'smyhome-runswing.
LEONARD:
Look,everythingwentfine.Ididn'tevenhavetorefertomyimpromptuconversationstarters.
Thatwomanacrossthehallisintome.
HOWARD:
Let'sgotothetape.Lookatherreactiontothegoodnightkiss.Nochangeinrespiration,pupilsundulated,noflushingofthechest.
RAJESH:
Niceclose-up,bytheway.
SHELDON:
Interesting.Herjawsareclenched.Notongueaccess.Clearlyabadsignamongstmatinghumans.
LEONARD:
That'snotabadsign.
SHELDON:
Please,youmightaswellhavebeentwoiguanawithnodewlapenlargement.
RAJESH:
Andtheworstsignofallisyou'rehereandnotthere.
LEONARD:
I'mnottherebecauseI'mtakingthingsslow.Which,bytheway,comparedtoyouguys,approaches
warpspeed.Andtakedownthatcamera.
RAJESH:
Hewasalotmorefunwhenhehadnohope.
HOWARD:
Givehimtime.
=================================
===========THEMESONG==========
=================================
PENNY:
Hi.
SHELDON:
Oh,hi,Penny.Yeah,FYI,thehotwaterisinadequateonmachinetwo,socolorsonly.Andfourisstill
releasingthefabricsoftenertooearlyinthecycle.SoI'davoidusingthatforyourdelicates.
PENNY:
Thanks.
SHELDON:
Well,goodLord.Whydon'tyoujusttakeyourclothesdowntotheriverandbeat'emwitharock?
PENNY:
Sheldon,mayIaskyouaquestion?
SHELDON:
Iwouldpreferthatyounot,butIwon'tgosofarastoforbidit.
PENNY:
Allright,Iheard„yes“,so...Okayhere'smyquestion:
HasLeonardeverdated,youknow,aregulargirl?
SHELDON:
Well,Iassumeyou'renotreferringtodigestiveregularity.'CauseI'vecometolearnthatsuch
inquiriesareinappropriate.
PENNY:
No,Imeanthasheeverbeeninvolvedwithsomeonewhowasn'tabrainiac?
SHELDON:
Oh!
Well,afewyearsago,hedidgooutwithawomanwhohadaPh.D.inFrenchliterature.
PENNY:
Howisthatnotabrainiac?
SHELDON:
Well,foronething,shewasFrench.Foranother,itwasliterature.
PENNY:
So...DoyouthinkthatifLeonardandIkeepdating,he'lleventuallygetboredwithme?
SHELDON:
Thatdepends.
PENNY:
Onwhat?
SHELDON:
Doyouhaveaworkingknowledgeofquantumphysics?
PENNY:
No.
SHELDON:
DoyouspeakKlingon?
PENNY:
No.
SHELDON:
Youknowanycardtricks?
PENNY:
Okay.Igetit.Leonardhasnobusinessbeinginvolvedwithawaitress-slash-actresswhofeltsoinsecurethatsheliedtohimaboutfinishingcommunitycollege.
SHELDON:
Whywouldyoulieaboutthat?
PENNY:
Well,hewasgoingonandonaboutthiscollegeandthatgradschool,andI...Ididn'twanthimtothink
Iwassomekindofstupidloser.
SHELDON:
Youthoughttheoppositeof“stupidloser”was“community-collegegraduate“?
PENNY:
Youknow,therearealotofsuccessfulpeopleinthiscountrywhoarecommunity-collegegraduates.
SHELDON:
Yeah,butyouareneither.
PENNY:
Right.Okay,look,thisisbetweenyouandme.YoucannottellLeonardanyofthis.
SHELDON:
You'reaskingmetokeepasecret?
PENNY:
Yeah.
SHELDON:
Well,I'msorry.Butyouwould'vehadtoexpressthatdesirebeforerevealingthesecret,sothatI
couldchoosewetherornotIwantedtoacceptthecovenantofsecret-keeping.Youcan'timposeasecretonanexpostfactobasis.
PENNY:
What?
SHELDON:
Secret-keepingisacomplicatedendeavor.Uh,onehastobeconcernednotonlyaboutwhatone
says,butaboutfacialexpressions,autonomicreflexes.WhenItrytodeceive,Imyselfhavemorenervous
ticsthanaLymediseaseresearchfacility.It'sajoke.Itreliesonthehomonymicrelationshipbetween
tick,thebloodsuckingarachnid,andtic,theinvoluntarymuscularcontraction.Imadeitupmyself.
PENNY:
Okay,look,ifLeonardfindsoutthatIlied,Iwillabsolutelydieofembarrassment.
SHELDON:
Physiologicallyimpossible.
PENNY:
Oh,Sheldon,please.Look,Iamaskingyouasafriend.
SHELDON:
Soyou'resayingthatfriendshipcontainswithinitaninherentobligationtomaintainconfidences?
PENNY:
Well,yeah.
SHELDON:
Interesting.Onemorequestion,andperhapsIshouldhaveledwiththis.Whendidwebecomefriends?
I.e.,Icouldn'tbecomeGreenLanternunlessIwaschosenbytheGuardiansofOa,butgivenenoughstartupcapitalandanadequate
researchfacility,IcouldbeBatman.
LEONARD:
YoucouldbeBatman?
SHELDON:
Sure.I'mBatman.See?
PENNY:
Hi,guys.
LEONARD:
Hey.
SHELDON:
Hi,Penny.
LEONARD:
Hi.Penny,ifyou'renotdoinganythingFridaynight,Ithoughtmaybewecouldgoseeamovie.
PENNY:
Oh,um.Youknow,IthinkIhavethedinnershiftonFriday.
LEONARD:
Okay.WhataboutSaturday?
PENNY:
Youknow,I'mnotsure.Themanagerhasn'tpostedthescheduleyet.HowaboutIletyouknow?
LEONARD:
Great.
PENNY:
Okay.
LEONARD:
Soyoujustletmeknowwhenyouknow.Okay,so...Oh,God,Iamthebadfish.WhatdidIdowrong?
SHELDON:
Whyareyouaskingme?
IhavenoinformationaboutyourinteractionswithPennyotherthanwhatyouhave
providedme,nordoIhaveanymethodoflearningsuchthings.
LEONARD:
Whatdoesthatmean?
SHELDON:
Nothing.YouseemtobeimplyinganinformationalbackchannelbetweenmeandPennywhereobviouslynone
exists.
LEONARD:
No,Ididn't.
SHELDON:
Ijustthinkyouneedtobecarefulhowyouphrasethings,sir.
LEONARD:
What'sgoingonwithyou?
SHELDON:
Well,Imightaskyouthesamequestion.Whyareyouinsistonattemptingtodragmeintomatters
whichhavenothingtodowithme,butexistbetweenyouandPenny,apersontowhomIbarelyspeak?
LEONARD:
What'swrongwithyourface?
SHELDON:
There'snoreasontobringmylooksintothis.Goodday,Leonard.
LEONARD:
What?
SHELDON:
Isaid,goodday.
LEONARD:
Goodday?
PENNY:
Alsotodaywehaveafresh-caughtAlaskasalmon,andthat'sservedwithateriyakiglazeandsticky
rice.Oursoupofthedayis...
SHELDON:
Youmustreleasemefrommyoath.
PENNY:
Sheldon,I'mworking.
SHELDON:
Whydon'tyoutakeaminutetodecide?
PENNY:
Oh,my...
SHELDON:
Ican'tkeepyoursecret,Penny.I'mgoingtofoldlikeanenergy-baseddenovoproteininconformationalspace.Likea
Renaissancetriptych.Likeacheapsuit.
PENNY:
Oh.Look,whyisitsohardforyoutokeeponelittlesecret?
SHELDON:
I'mconstitutionallyincapable.That'swhyIwasrefusedclearanceforaveryprestigiousgovernment
researchfellowshipatasecretmilitarysupercolliderlocatedbeneathafakeagriculturalstation12.5milessoutheastofTraverse
City,Michigan.Whichyoudidnothearaboutfromme.
PENNY:
Look,justforgetItoldyouaboutme...notgraduatingfromcommunitycollege,okay?
SHELDON:
Forget?
Youwantmetoforget?
Thisminddoesnotforget.Ihaven'tforgottenasinglethingsincethe
daymymotherstoppedbreastfeedingme.ItwasadrizzlyTuesday.
PENNY:
Okay.Look,youpromisedmeyouwouldkeepmysecret,sojustgonnahavetofigureoutawaytodoit.
SHELDON:
Leonard,I'mmovingout.
LEONARD:
Whatdoyoumeanyou'removingout?
Why?
SHELDON:
Theredoesn'thavetobeareason.
LEONARD:
Yeah,therekindad
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