Guests and Hosts.docx
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Guests and Hosts.docx
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GuestsandHosts
GuestsandHosts
Todaywe’lltalkaboutguestsandhosts.IthinkChinesearethebesthostsintheworld.WheneverIvisitaChinesehome,theyalwaysputfruitonthetableorteaonthetable,theyalwaysgivemesomethingtodrink,whenIstarttakingmyshoesofftowalkintheirhouse,sometimestheysay‘No,no,you’retheguest,youdon’thavetotakeyourshoesoff,you’rethegust.’IalsoknowthatinChinesehomesifthefamilydoesn’tsmoke,buttheguestsmokes,it’sokayfortheguesttosmoke.I’veevenbeeninsomehomeswherethenon-smokingfamilygaveacigarettetothehost,becausetheyknowthey’resmokers,andsothey’reveryveryhospitableinChina.Onthecontrary,ChinesemaythinkthatAmericansarenotrealgoodhosts,becausewe’requitetheopposite,inChina,itseemsliketheguestisalmostlikeaGod,inAmerica,it’stheopposite,inAmerica,wehavetohonorwhatthehostlikes,whattheydointheirhome,weneedtodointheirway.Forexample,theshoes,takingofftheshoes,mostAmericansdowearshoesinthehouse,that’salittlebitdifferentculture,butifitisthefamilythatdoesn’twearshoesinthehouseandIgototheirhome,Imustalsotakemyshoesoff.Infact,I’vebeentosomehomeswhereIknockatthedoor,theysay‘Comeinandtakeyourshoesoff.’Theyactuallywouldtellyoudirectly‘Pleaseyourtakeyourshoesoff.’Iftheydothat,wedon’tthinkthey’rebadhosts,it’sjustnormal,becauseit’stheirhouse,soweneedtorespecttheirhouseandthewaytheydothingsintheirhouse.SomehostsinAmericawillservecoffeeorteaorfruitorsomeothersnackorwine,somedo,somedon’t,iftheydon’t,it’sokay,wedon’tthinkthey’rebadhost,somedon’t,itjustdepends,alsodependsonhowlongyouplantostay,ifyou’rejuststoppingtodropoffsomebooksorsomethingandyouonlybeafewminutes,theymaynotgiveyouanything,itjustdepends.Nowifyouarethirsty,it’sokaytoaskfordrinkwater,that’sokay,butgenerally,we’llverydifferent,somepeopleoffer,somepeopledon’t.Howaboutsmoking?
InAmericanhome,generally,ifthefamilydoesn’tsmokeandyou’retheguest,youdon’tsmoke,it’sconsideredveryrudeifyoudo,somaybeinChinait’srudeifthehostsaid‘Don’tsmoke.’Inourcultureit’srudeifIdosmokeinsomebody’shomewheretheydon’tsmoke,thereareexceptions,butgenerallyisthatway.Ifthehostsmokes,thenit’sokay,ofcourse,in,justlikeinChinathehostmayevenofferyouacigarette,butiftheydon’tsmoke,it’sbetternottosmoke.Nowwhatifyou’renotsure,becausetheydon’thaveasignonthedoorandsays‘Wesmoke.’right?
Sowhenyoucomeinandyouwanttosmoke,whatdoyoudo?
Ask,exactly,youcansay‘IsitokayifIsmoke.?
’Butdon’tbesurprisedwhentheysayno,it’snotokay.Iftheydothat,itmaysoundrudetoChinese,buttous,it’sverynormal,becauseit’stheirhome,ifsomeonesays‘Don’tsmokeinmyhome.’Wesimplydon’tsmokeintheirhome,nowyoucouldgooutsideandsmoke,butdon’tsmokeintheirhouse,it’sconsideredveryrude,sowhenyougoabroad,ifyou’reasmoker,pleasekeepthatinmind,okay?
Sotherearesomedifferences,right,inthewaythatwedothehost-guestthing.OneofthethingsthatpeopleoftenaskmeinChina,whentheygoabroad,iswhenIgotovisitfamilyinAmericaorsomeotherwesterncountry,whatkindofagiftshouldItaketheirhome?
Andmaybethere’salittlesurprisewhenIsay‘Youdon’thavetotakeagilf.’It’snotnecessary.Ifyoudon’ttakeagift,nobodythinksyou’rebad,infactwedon’tusuallytakeagift,it’salittleunusual,insomecasesitmaybeappropriate,forexample,aholiday,aChrismas,abirthdaypartythatwouldbeappropriate.ButIknowthatChinesefeeluncomfortablevisitingforthefirsttimewithoutagift,soIusuallytellmyChinesefriendsifyoureallywanttotakeagift,it’sokay,ifyoucometomyhouseandyouwanttogivemeagift,youcanbuymeanewBMWorMercedezbest,justkidding.Youdon’treallyhavetobringanything,butifyoureallyfeelthatyoumusttakeagift,usuallysomethingthat’sinexpensiveisbetter,ifyougivesomebodysomethingreallyexpensivelikeacameraoranewphone,theywillfeelveryuncomfortable,infact,theywillfeellikeyouaretryingtomakethemoweyousomething,andthat’saveryuncomfortablefeelingforus,soifyoumusttakeagift,don’ttakesomethingtooexpensive.AsaChinesepersonitmaybeappropritetotakesomethingthatisareminderofyourcountrylikesomereallynicechopsticksorsomethinglikethat,wouldbegood.I’veseenotherthingsfromChinathey’vebeenverygoodgifts,butIwouldn’tgivesomethingreallyexpensive.Flowersareokay,insomecasesflowerisokay.Andusuallyifyou’reamanvisitinganotherman,flowerswouldbealittlestrange,butfortheladiesusuallyflowersareappreciated.Insomecaseschocolatewouldbeokayaswell,butgetnotsomethingextremlyexpensive.Ifyou’reinvitedforameal,thatwouldbealittlebitdifferentthattheyjustcomingtotalkfortenminutesorsomethinglikethat.InChinaIhaveallkindsofguests,somepeoplejustwannaaskmeaquestionaboutEnglishproblemandtheyonlyplantostayafewminutes,becausethey’reChinese,Iusuallyoffertea,butIdon’texpectagiftforthatoranythingelse.Foralongerstaylikeameal,itmaybealittlebitdifferent,forexample,ifsomeonesays‘Cometomydinneratsixo’clock.’There’reseveralthingsyouneedtoknow,one,beontime,butdon’tbeearly.It’salittlemirrorthingwhensomeonecomestoourhouse,knocksonthedoorandwe’rerushingaroundthekitchentryingtopreparethemealandyouknow,ifwehavekids,we’retryingtogetthekidsready.Sometimes,I’veevenhadthishappened,Ijuststopoutoftheshowerandsomeoneknocksatthedoorandthey’refifteenminutesearly,andthenmywifehastogoandanswerthedoorandmakesurethatIdon’tgoonthelivingroom,andsoit’smoreappropritetobeexactlytherighttime,exactlytime,afewminuteslateisokay.I’veseensomeculturebooksinChinaaboutAmerica,theresaidAmericansshouldarrivelate,it’sreallynotnecessarytobelate.Infact,latecanalsobebad,especiallyifyou’rewaylate,ifyoulikemorethantenorfifteenminuteslate,youshouldcall,becausetheycouldbeprepraringadinnerandputahotdinneronthetableandwhenyougetthere,it’scold,ifyou’relate,soifyoumustbelatethenyoushouldcall.Oneofthethingswecando,tofitintoourculture,andit’sverypoliteinourculture,iswhensomedodyinvitesyoutodinner,youcanask‘WhatcanIbring?
’‘Whatwouldyoulikemetobring?
’That’saverycommonquestion,theymaysay‘Justbringyourself.’Andthat’sacommonanswer.Thatmeansyoudon’thavetobringanything,andiftheysayyoudon’thavetobringangthing,youreallydon’thavetobringanyting,it’snotnecessary.Sometimestheywillactuallysay‘Youcanbringadessert.’Or‘Youcanbringasalad.’Especiallyiftheyareinvitingmultipleguests,theymaydointhatway.Sometimeswehavetobeindinners,youknow,oneguestwouldbringthedessert,anotherwouldbringasaladoranotherwouldbringsomebreadorsomething,sothatwouldbeokaytodothat.Nowwhenyougettothetable,sometimesthisiswhereChinesepeopleinaforeigncountry,don’tknowwhattodo,andwedon’tknowtodohere,it’swhenyoucometothetablewhatdoyoudo.Whositsdownfirst,wheredoyousit,thingslikethat,I’veseeninsomeChinesehomesandintherestaurant,theownerguesthasthemostimportantseat.Inoursituationeveryfamilyisdifferent,every,youknow,everybodyisdifferent,everypersonisdifferent,sothebestthingistoremember‘Whenyou’reinRome,doastheRomansdo.’Watchthefamily.Seewhattheydo,iftheygiveyouasuggesttositdownhereortositthere,thendoit,don’tjustfrownandsitdownfirst,butyouwouldn’tdothatinChinaeither,soit’sverysimilar.Soafteryoufindyourplace,maybeyoucouldevenask‘WhereshouldIsit?
’Itactuallyisaveryappropritequestiontojustsay‘Wherewouldyoulikemetosit?
’Theymaytellyou,theymaysayanywhere,iftheyreallysaythat,itreallymeansanywhereisokay.Ifit’slikeasqureorroundtable,theremaynotbeaheadofthetable,andit’sallthesame.Afteryousitdown,it’sbest,ifit’syourfirsttimeandyou’renotsurewhattheydo,don’tjustgrabthefoodandstarteating,againwatchandseewhattheydo,somefamiliespraybeforetheyeat,andiftheydothat,justbowyourhead,closeyoureyesuntilthey’vefinished,iftheydon’tdothat,theymaysaydigin,diginisonewaythepeoplesay‘Okay,begin,takethefood.’andyoucandothat.Younotice,onethingyounoticerightaway,it’sverydifferentfromChina,inChina,everybodyhasabowlofriceinit,andinAmerica,usuallywehavealargeflatplateandinsteadofjusttakingafewbitesormaybeachopsticksfullofsomethingputtingontherice,weusuallytakesomeofeverythingputontheplate,sotheplateisfull.Sothenwe’renotreallytakingfromthelargebowlsallthetime,wejust,inthebeginning,themealstartsthatway,inasmalltableyoucanrecheverything,butlargertableit’sconsideredveryrudetoreachacrossedsomebodyelsetogetsomething,sowewillsimplysay‘Couldyoupleasepassthepotatos?
’or‘Pleasepasssomemeat.’Andtheywillpassittoyou.Inmyfamily,whenIgohome,inmyparents’house,it’salittlebitlongertableandthere’redishesallalongtable,andforalargemealweactuallypasseverythingaround,soIcan,inThanksgivingHolidaywehaveturkey,andmaybeturkeyonthisplateorthisbow
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