whatareyougoingtodowith.docx
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whatareyougoingtodowith.docx
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whatareyougoingtodowith
WhatAreYouGoingtoDoWithThat
ByWilliamDeresiewicz
Thequestionmytitleposes,ofcourse,istheonethatisclassicallyaimedathumanitiesmajors.WhatpracticalvaluecouldtherepossiblybeinstudyingliteratureorartorphilosophySoyoumustbewonderingwhyI'mbotheringtoraiseithere,atStanford,thisrenownedcitadelofscienceandtechnology.Whatdoubtcantherebethattheworldwillofferyoumanyopportunitiestouseyourdegree
Butthat'snotthequestionI'masking.By"do"Idon'tmeanajob,andby"that"Idon'tmeanyourmajor.Wearemorethanourjobs,andeducationismorethanamajor.Educationismorethancollege,moreeventhanthetotalityofyourformalschooling,fromkindergartenthroughgraduateschool.By"Whatareyougoingtodo,"Imean,whatkindoflifeareyougoingtoleadAndby"that,"Imeaneverythinginyourtraining,formalandinformal,thathasbroughtyoutobesittingheretoday,andeverythingyou'regoingtobedoingfortherestofthetimethatyou'reinschool.
Weshouldstartbytalkingabouthowyoudid,infact,gethere.Yougotherebygettingverygoodatacertainsetofskills.Yourparentspushedyoutoexcelfromthetimeyouwereveryyoung.Theysentyoutogoodschools,wheretheencouragementofyourteachersandtheexampleofyourpeershelpedpushyouevenharder.Yournaturalaptitudeswerenurturedsothat,inadditiontoexcellinginallyoursubjects,youdevelopedanumberofspecificintereststhatyoucultivatedwithparticularvigor.Youdidextracurricularactivities,wenttoafterschoolprograms,tookprivatelessons.Youspentsummersdoingadvancedcoursesatalocalcollegeorattendingskill-specificcampsandworkshops.Youworkedhard,youpaidattention,andyoutriedyourverybest.Andsoyougotverygoodatmath,orpiano,orlacrosse,or,indeed,severalthingsatonce.
Nowthere'snothingwrongwithmasteringskills,withwantingtodoyourbestandtobethebest.What'swrongiswhatthesystemleavesout:
whichistosay,everythingelse.Idon'tmeanthatbychoosingtoexcelinmath,say,youarefailingtodevelopyourverbalabilitiestotheirfullestextent,orthatinadditiontofocusingongeology,youshouldalsofocusonpoliticalscience,orthatwhileyou'relearningthepiano,youshouldalsobeworkingontheflute.Itisthenatureofspecialization,afterall,tobespecialized.No,theproblemwithspecializationisthatitnarrowsyourattentiontothepointwhereallyouknowaboutandallyouwanttoknowabout,and,indeed,allyoucanknowabout,isyourspecialty.
Theproblemwithspecializationisthatitmakesyouintoaspecialist.Itcutsyouoff,notonlyfromeverythingelseintheworld,butalsofromeverythingelseinyourself.Andofcourse,ascollegefreshmen,yourspecializationisonlyjustbeginning.Inthejourneytowardthesuccessthatyouallhopetoachieve,youhavecompleted,bygettingintoStanford,onlythefirstofmanylegs.Threemoreyearsofcollege,threeorfourorfiveyearsoflawschoolormedicalschoolora.program,thenresidenciesorpostdocsoryearsasajuniorassociate.Inshort,anever-narrowingfunnelofspecialization.Yougofrombeingapolitical-sciencemajortobeingalawyertobeingacorporateattorneytobeingacorporateattorneyfocusingontaxationissuesintheconsumer-productsindustry.Yougofrombeingabiochemistrymajortobeingadoctortobeingacardiologisttobeingacardiacsurgeonwhoperformsheart-valvereplacements.
Again,there'snothingwrongwithbeingthosethings.It'sjustthat,asyougetdeeperanddeeperintothefunnel,intothetunnel,itbecomesincreasinglydifficulttorememberwhoyouoncewere.Youstarttowonderwhathappenedtothatpersonwhoplayedpianoandlacrosseandsataroundwithherfriendshavingintenseconversationsaboutlifeandpoliticsandallthethingsshewaslearninginherclasses.The19-year-oldwhocoulddosomanythings,andwasinterestedinsomanythings,hasbecomea40-year-oldwhothinksaboutonlyonething.That'swhyolderpeoplearesoboring."Hey,mydad'sasmartguy,butallhetalksaboutismoneyandlivers."
Andthere'sanotherproblem.Maybeyouneverreallywantedtobeacardiacsurgeoninthefirstplace.Itjustkindofhappened.It'seasy,thewaythesystemworks,tosimplygowiththeflow.Idon'tmeantheworkiseasy,butthechoicesareeasy.Orrather,thechoicessortofmakethemselves.YougotoaplacelikeStanfordbecausethat'swhatsmartkidsdo.Yougotomedicalschoolbecauseit'sprestigious.Youspecializeincardiologybecauseit'slucrative.Youdothethingsthatreaptherewards,thatmakeyourparentsproud,andyourteacherspleased,andyourfriendsimpressed.Fromthetimeyoustartedhighschoolandmaybeevenjuniorhigh,yourwholegoalwastogetintothebestcollegeyoucould,andsonowyounaturallythinkaboutyourlifeintermsof"gettinginto"whatever'snext."Gettinginto"isvalidation;"gettinginto"isvictory.Stanford,thenJohnsHopkinsmedicalschool,thenaresidencyattheUniversityofSanFrancisco,andsoforth.OrMichiganLawSchool,orGoldmanSachs,orMcKinsey,orwhatever.Youtakeitonestepatatime,andthenextstepalwaysseemstobeinevitable.
Ormaybeyoudidalwayswanttobeacardiacsurgeon.Youdreamedaboutitfromthetimeyouwere10yearsold,eventhoughyouhadnoideawhatitreallymeant,andyoustayedoncoursefortheentiretimeyouwereinschool.YourefusedtobeenticedfromyourpathbythatgreatexperienceyouhadinAPhistory,orthattripyoutooktoCostaRicathesummerafteryourjunioryearincollege,orthatterrificfeelingyougottakingcareofkidswhenyoudidyourrotationinpediatricsduringyourfourthyearinmedicalschool.
Buteitherway,eitherbecauseyouwentwiththefloworbecauseyousetyourcourseveryearly,youwakeuponeday,maybe20yearslater,andyouwonderwhathappened:
howyougotthere,whatitallmeans.Notwhatitmeansinthe"bigpicture,"whateverthatis,butwhatitmeanstoyou.Whyyou'redoingit,whatit'sallfor.Itsoundslikeacliché,this"wakinguponeday,"butit'scalledhavingamidlifecrisis,andithappenstopeopleallthetime.
Thereisanalternative,however,anditmaybeonethathasn'toccurredtoyou.Letmetrytoexplainitbytellingyouastoryaboutoneofyourpeers,andthealternativethathadn'toccurredto her.Acoupleofyearsago,IparticipatedinapaneldiscussionatHarvardthatdealtwithsomeofthesesamematters,andafterwardIwascontactedbyoneofthestudentswhohadcometotheevent,ayoungwomanwhowaswritingherseniorthesisaboutHarvarditself,howitinstillsinitsstudentswhatshecalled self-efficacy,thesensethatyoucandoanythingyouwant.Self-efficacy,or,inmorefamiliarterms,self-esteem.Therearesomekids,shesaid,whogetanAonatestandsay,"Igotitbecauseitwaseasy."Andthereareotherkids,thekindwithself-efficacyorself-esteem,whogetanAonatestandsay,"IgotitbecauseI'msmart."
Again,there'snothingwrongwiththinkingthatyougotanAbecauseyou'resmart.ButwhatthatHarvardstudentdidn'trealize—anditwasreallyquiteashocktoherwhenIsuggestedit—isthatthereisathirdalternative.Trueself-esteem,Iproposed,meansnotcaringwhetheryougetanAinthefirstplace.Trueself-esteemmeansrecognizing,despiteeverythingthatyourupbringinghastrainedyoutobelieveaboutyourself,thatthegradesyouget—andtheawards,andthetestscores,andthetrophies,andtheacceptanceletters—arenotwhatdefineswhoyouare.
Shealsoclaimed,thisyoungwoman,thatHarvardstudentstaketheirsenseofself-efficacyoutintotheworldandbecome,assheputit,"innovative."ButwhenIaskedherwhatshemeantbyinnovative,theonlyexampleshecouldcomeupwithwas"beingCEOofaFortune500."That'snotinnovative,Itoldher,that'sjustsuccessful,andsuccessfulaccordingtoaverynarrowdefinitionofsuccess.Trueinnovationmeansusingyourimagination,exercisingthecapacitytoenvisionnewpossibilities.
ButI'mnotheretotalkabouttechnologicalinnovation,I'mheretotalkaboutadifferentkind.It'snotaboutinventinganewmachineoranewdrug.It'saboutinventingyourownlife.Notfollowingapath,butmakingyourownpath.ThekindofimaginationI'mtalkingaboutismoralimagination."Moral"meaningnotrightorwrong,buthavingtodowithmakingchoices.Moralimaginationmeansthecapacitytoenvisionnewwaystoliveyourlife.
Itmeansnotjustgoingwiththeflow.Itmeansnotjust"gettinginto"whateverschoolorprogramcomesnext.Itmeansfiguringoutwhatyouwantforyourself,notwhatyourparentswant,oryourpeerswant,oryourschoolwants,oryoursocietywants.Originatingyourownvalues.Thinkingyourwaytowardyourowndefinitionofsuccess.Notsimplyacceptingthelifethatyou'vebeenhanded.Notsimplyacceptingthechoicesyou'vebeenhanded.WhenyouwalkintoStarbucks,you'reofferedachoiceamongalatteandamacchiatoandanespressoandafewotherthings,butyoucanalsomakeanotherchoice.Youcanturnaroundandwalkout.Whenyouwalkintocollege,youareofferedachoiceamonglawandmedicineandinvestmentbankingandconsultingandafewotherthings,butagain,youcanalsodosomethingelse,somethingthatnoonehasthoughtofbefore.
Letmegiveyouanothercounterexample.Iwroteanessayacoupleofyearsagothattouchedonsomeofthesesamepoints.Isaid,amongotherthings,thatkidsatplaceslikeYaleorStanfordtendtoplayitsafeandgofortheconventionalrewards.AndoneofthemostcommoncriticismsIgotwentlikethis:
Whatab
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