14种飞机怪咖邻座英语学习doc.docx
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14种飞机怪咖邻座英语学习doc.docx
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14种飞机怪咖邻座英语学习doc
14种飞机“怪咖”邻座(英语学习)
LetmebeginbypromisingyouthatIamnotanangryperson.IwouldactuallyvowthatIaminherentlyhappyandall-aroundquitefriendlyandnice.Butonethingthatreallygrindsmygears,isbeingseatednexttoanightmareneighboronanairplane.
TheNighttimeCuddler
Airplaneseatsareuncomfortable,restrictingandnotequippedtobeshared,sowatchoutwhenyourunconsciousneighborslowlytiltshisorherheadinyourdirection.Dependingonhowdeepthedreamer,youcouldbeinforagameofseesawasyouattempttopolitelypropupyoursleepingbeauty.Whenallelsefails,placeanairplaneblanketorneckpillowbetweenthetwoofyoubecause,well,it’sbetterthansharingyourshoulder.
TheGuyWatchingPornonHisPhone
Thismanmaynotbeathreattohomelandsecurity,butheiscertainlyterrorizingyourrightsandhisdignity.Committinglewd,indecentorobsceneactsinpublicaboardanaircraftwilllandthisoneinhandcuffs,soyouneedtoremovethethreat.Doyourdutyandwell,beatattletale.Ifapersoncan’tlastaflightwithouthispreciousporn,noonewantstoimaginewhathewasdoinginthebathroom—orevenworse,underthatover-sizedlaptop.Eek!
TheADDchild
It’snotcutewhenastranger’slittlechatterboxislookingtomakeafriendontheplane…at3a.m.ItmightmakeyoutheGrinchfrom10,000feetabovesealevel,butthrowonyoursnoozemaskbeforethekidhasachancetomakeeyecontact.
He’snotsoinnocent.
TheSnorer
Aspainfullyobviousasthesnorerisonthislistofnightmares,heorsheisequallyashardtospot.Youwillalreadybestrappedinandmid-airbeforethisliteralloudmouthassaultsthequietair.Therealquestioninthissituationis:
totap,ornottotapThere’snothingworsethanbeingstartledawake,sowesuggestgentlynudgingthispersonandthenquicklypretendingitwasn’tyou,orblamingitonsomeoneelse.“Oh,thesnackswerecomingaround,theywantedtoknowifyouwantedsomePopChips!
”
TheArmRestHog
Noonelikeswhenhisorherpersonalspaceisbeinginvadedandtheguyorgalwhothinkstheyowntheairrightstoyourarmrestdoesjustthat.Ifyoufindyourselfatastandstillandleftwithonlyaslivertorestyourelbow,waitfortherightmomentandthenreallycommit.Assoonasheorshegrabsfortheirdrink,getsuptogotothebathroomorevenreachesuptocovertheirmouthforasneeze,swooprightoninthereandstandyourground.
TheTalker
Earplugs.ThisChattyCathymightbelookingtomakeafriend,findaromanceintheairorjustwantstellyouallabouthowherdaughterjustmovedtoChicagoandis“lovingit!
”Whateverthemotive,thispersongenuinelywantstomakesomesortofsky-highconnectionandissuretobesotakenabackbyyourrude,uninterestedbehaviorthatshewillshutdown.Armyourselfwithsomethingtodrownoutthesoundsoyoucansendasignalthatthisplanerideisallaboutsleeping.
TheSmellyFoodEater
Eversinceairlinesraisedpricesandloweredoptionsforin-flightmeals,travelersareboardingwithbaggedlunchesordinnersmoreandmoreoften.Wetotallysupportsavingmoneyandbeingprepared,butwecan’tsupportfoodthatticklesoursenses.Bepoliteandoptforcoldorroom-temperaturebites.Eatearlyonintheflightanddisposeofyourtrashquickly.
TheDiva
Hereisonefrequentflieryouactuallycanspotfromamileaway.She’stotingdesignerluggage(andneedsyourhelpstoringit),expectseveryoneontheplanetoworkforherandisthelasttoswitchhercellphoneintoAirplanemode.Youhavetwooptions:
beagoodSamaritanandassistherwhensheasksthingsofyou,likeshowingherhowtobuytherom-combeingofferedasthein-flightmovie;orsteerhertowardsherotherneighbor.Itwon’tdrownherout,butitwillmakehersomeoneelse’sproblem!
Youneedtomakehersomeoneelse’sproblem.
TheExcessiveDrinker
There’snothingwrongwithslurpingdownanice,stiffdrink,butifyouaren’theadedtoVegas,anin-flightover-imbiberisn’tcool.Thishazardcanescalatequickly:
it’sloud,violatesyourpersonalspaceandislikelytoleaveinitswakeazonked-outandunwelcomecuddler(seeabove),unawareexcretionspewer(seebelow)orevenworse(uh,useyourimagination).Makefriendswithaflightattendantandmakesurethiswastedridergetscutoffbeforethefourthdrink.
TheFrequentBathroom-Goer
Picturethis:
afterabumpytake-off,youquellyournervesandrestyoureyesbeforefallingawayintoadeepandcomfortingsleep(ahh)–andthenthepersonnexttoyouneedstousethebathroom.Nooneshouldhavetositinpainwithasufferingbladder,butthereisacertainetiquetteifyouneedtogomorethantheaverageperson.Makesuretovisitthelittleboy’sroombeforetakeoffandtakeadvantageofmomentswhenyourseatmatesarealert,oratleastawokenbytheflightattendants.Whenindoubt,findyourinnertrackstarandjumponover!
TheIn-FlightPrimper
Sheseemslikeyouraveragegalandthenanhourbeforetouch-downherin-flighttraylookslikeherbathroomcounter.She’sdoinghernails(ohthatsmell!
)andtryingtoapplymascarathroughturbulence.Andthenshedropsherlipstickonyourjeansandasksyouifyouthinkshelookspretty.Justsayyes.It’seasierthanthetruth.
TheMile-High-ClubCouple
Butifyoufrequentlyflyfirstclassoroftenfindyourselfseatednexttoabathroom,you’resuretoeventuallyencounterthissimultaneouslydisappearingtwosome.They’rethePDA-lovin’couplewhocan’tkeeptheirhandsoffoneanother,flirtystrangershittingitoffinthefrontoftheplaneorbucket-listseekerstrollingVirginairline’sin-flightchatsystemwillabsolutelyhogthebathroom,createanawkwardairintheairforawarepassengers–andleaveyouwithonehelluvastorytotellyourfriendsonceyouland.
Ifonlyyoucouldtellthemtogetaroom.
TheTerrifiedTraveler
Everyonesympathizeswithsomeonewhoisflat-outterrified,buthandlingapanicattackwasnotonthisflightagenda.Thefearfulflierwillprobablybeover-preparedastheychompfivepiecesofgumduringtakeoff,clutchtheirover-sizedwaterbottletotheirchestandscantheaircraftwithalookthatscreams,“Isthisnormal!
”Thekindestthingyoucandoforthisscaredsoulistoshareyoursleepingpills,especiallyifturbulencehits.
Itmaybetimetobuyheradrink.
ThePlaneFarter
Youthinkwedon’tknowwhoyouare,butwedo!
We’veallheardyourrationale:
youthinkyouaresafebecausetheloudnoisesoftheplanewilldrownouttheloudnoisescomingfromyourseatcushion.Butwecanspotthatoverlysatisfiedlookonyourfaceasyouleaninonedirectionbeforegettingallcomfyandsnugglyinyourseat.And,oh—thatsmell!
Letustellyousomething,mister,orsister:
anairplaneisasharedspace.Fortheloveofflying,mindyourmanners!
首先我要澄清一点:
我天生是个乐观友善的人,不易发怒。
但令我忍无可忍的是,在飞机上遇到“怪咖”邻座。
如若遇到以下14种人,你确实是时运不佳。
1.“睡美人”
邻座熟睡时总会不知不觉把脑袋往你身上靠,你却像玩跷跷板似的,小心翼翼撑住这个“睡美人”。
无计可施时,拿毯子或枕头挡在中间,总好过分享你的肩膀。
2.看色情片的家伙
这种人不顾尊严,威胁着你的权利。
你大可尽责告发他。
没人愿意想象这种人在卫生间里做什么,更不敢想象在这种超大笔记本电脑下面……唷!
3.多动症儿童
凌晨3点,身边的陌生小孩却准备打开话匣子,一点也不可爱。
你只能装睡,不让他(她)有机可趁。
他可没表面看来这么天真无邪。
4.打鼾者
当你隔壁鼾声阵阵时,你要不要拍醒他(她)?
没什么比被惊醒更糟糕了,建议你拍醒他(她),然后假装若无其事,或推说乘务员来过。
5.霸占扶手者
没人喜欢私人空间被侵犯。
如果你的扶手被霸占,就等待时机夺回“领地”。
一旦你的邻座起身离开,或把手拿开,你就得把握机会,坚守“阵地”。
6.话痨
碰到这种情况,耳塞是首选。
武装自己,同时传递一个信息:
飞机是睡觉的地方。
7.怪味食客
现在带餐登机的旅客越来越多。
但请别带有刺激性气味、冒着热气的食物,并在飞机上尽早吃完,立即处理垃圾。
8.“大牌女神”
这些飞行常客总是指望飞机上所有人都为她服务。
你可以选择当好人做好事;也可以把这包袱踢给别人,自然有人领受。
把做好事的机会留给别人。
9.酒鬼
在飞机上适度喝点酒也无可厚非,但过度饮用就不是什么妙事了,各种状况叫你不得安宁。
建立与乘务员的友好关系,以确保邻座喝酒不超过三杯。
10.尿频者
飞机颠簸地起飞后,你闭目养神准备安稳睡一觉,这时旁边的人起身上卫生间,作何感想。
不是说要憋着,但你可以在不打扰邻座休息时去。
11.空中化妆者
飞机着陆前,身边这位姑娘就会搬出她的“化妆台”。
指甲油、睫毛膏,气味刺鼻,还将口红掉你裤子上。
她问你她漂不漂亮,就说漂亮,这比说实话省事。
12.高空性爱男女
经常坐头等舱或卫生间旁,你一定会遇到这种情况:
如胶似漆的夫妻或情侣、一见钟情的旅友或旅途寻欢者霸占着卫生间,营造一个令其他乘客尴尬的氛围。
真希望能叫他们去开个房。
13.飞行恐慌者
飞行恐慌者会在起飞时嚼5颗口香糖,胸口紧握超大号水瓶,不安地四处扫视。
这时你最好拿几颗安眠药安慰这个惶恐的灵魂,尤其是飞机颠簸的时候。
这时候应该请她喝一杯。
14.空中放屁者
你以为飞机的噪音可以掩盖你座垫下发出的声音,但我们看到你歪向一边时脸上舒畅的表情就知道:
是你!
臭气熏天!
飞机是公共场所,请注意你的举止!
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