SOUTH PARK1105.docx
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SOUTH PARK1105.docx
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SOUTHPARK1105
SOUTHPARK
11X05-FANTASTICEASTERSPECIAL
OriginalAirdate(COM):
04-APR-2007
WRITTENBYMATTSTONE&TREYPARKER
DIRECTEDBYMATTSTONE&TREYPARKER
TRANSCRIPTPROVIDEDBY"TWIZTV.COM-FREETVSCRIPTSDATABASE"
ORIGINALLYTRANSCRIBEDFORTHESOUTHPARKSCRIPTORIUM
==========================
DISCLAIMER:
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"SOUTHPARK"andotherrelatedentitiesareowned,(TM)and?
byTREYPARKER&MATTSTONEviaCOMEDYCENTRALandCOMEDYPARTNERSinassociationwithIMPORTANTTELEVISION.Thistranscriptispostedherewithouttheirpermission,approval,authorizationorendorsement.Anyreproduction,duplication,distributionordisplayofthismaterialinanyformorbyanymeansisexpresslyprohibited.Itisabsolutelyforbiddentouseitforcommercialgain.Forentertainmentandeducationalpurposesonly.Noinfringementintended.
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SUMMARY:
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StanjustwantssomeonetoexplainwhateggshavetodowithJesusdyingforhissins.DeterminedtogettherealstorybehindalloftheeggsandbunniesthatarepartoftheEasterritual,StanandKylefallinwithaneccentricsocietythatguardsalegendarysecret.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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[TheMarshhouse,outside,night.]
Randy:
[inside]...InmyEasterBonnet,withallthefrillsuponit,I'llbethegrandestladyintheEasterparade.
[TheMarshhouse,diningroomtable.TheMarshesaredecoratingEastereggs.Standipsahard-boiledeggintoaglassofgreendye.Grandpaspinshisslowlyinasmalllathe.Randyfinishesoneupandshowsitoff.]
Randy:
Lookatthatone,huh?
Halfpurpleandhalfyellowwithachikadeesticker.I'mgood.[setsitintotheeggtray]
Stan:
Uh,canIaskaquestion?
Whydowedothis?
Randy:
Wha...whatdoyoumean,"Whydowedothis?
"It'sEaster!
Stan:
Right,so,whydowecoloreggs?
[Shelleymakesacrossface]
Randy:
Wulll,sssothattheEasterbunnycanhidethem.
Stan:
Yeah,butwhy?
Randy:
Stanley,EastercelebratesthedaythatJesuswasresurrectedafterbeingcrucifiedforoursins.
Stan:
Sowedipeggsincoloredvinegarandagiantrabbithidesthem?
Randy:
That'sright.
Stan:
Youdon'tseethemisstepsinlogicwiththat?
[Randyisunfazed,whileShelley,Sharon,andGrandpalookatStandisapprovingly]Look,I'mjustsayingthatsomewherebetweenJesusdyingontheCrossandagiantbunnyhidingeggsthereseemstobea,agapofinformation.
Randy:
Stanley,justdyeyourGoddamnedeggs!
Stan:
[leaveshisseat]Idon'tfeellikecoloringeggs!
Idon'tgetit!
Randy:
Whatiswrongwithhim?
!
Sharon:
Well,he'sjustgettingolder,Randy.MaybehefiguredouttheEasterbunnyisn'treal.[continuesdyingheregg.Randyslamshispalmsdownonthetableangrily.Sharonistakenaback.]
Randy:
[rising]Youknowsolittle!
[leaves]
[SouthParkMall,day.TheEasterbunnyhasabigEasterdisplayatthemallwherehesitsinachairtakingrequestsforEastergifts.Alineofkidsiswaiting.InthatlineareStan,Clyde,Red,Kevin,Craig,Heidi,Millie,Bill,Token,Jimmy,andafewlittlebrothersandsisters]
Cartman:
AndIwantaBaltorsoldierdollforEaster,andfiveCrash'n'GoRCcars,yougotthat?
!
DoyouHAVEthat?
!
MallBunny:
Ahh,don'tyouthinkthat's-
Cartman:
Nono!
Youdon'taskmequestions!
Youarearabbit!
Iamahuman.Soifyoudon'tbringmewhatIwantforEaster,Icanfuckingkillyou!
Aide:
Smile!
[takesapictureandCartmanhopsoff]
Cartman:
Bye,Easterbunny!
[leavse]
MallBunny:
[watcheshimleave]OhMyGod.[Stanwalksupandsitsonthebunny'slap.Thebunnynotices]
Stan:
Allright,canyouexplaintomewhat'sgoingon?
MallBunny:
Huh?
Stan:
Whatisthedealwiththecoloringtheeggsandyouhidingthemandallthat?
WhatdoesthathavetodowithJesusdyingontheCross?
[noreply]Itissymbolic?
AreyoutryingtoreferencesomethingthathappenedinBiblicaltimes?
[nudgeshim]Answerme!
MallBunny:
Look,kidahh,I'mj-,I'mjustaguyinacostume.
Stan:
Iknowthat!
ButIfigureyoumusthavesomeknowledgeofwhatEaster'saboutifyou'replayingtheEasterBunnyatthemall!
MallBunny:
Huhuh,Easter'sjustEaster.Just,justgowithit,kid.
Stan:
NO,I'mnotgonnajustgowithit!
I'mgonnafindoutwhat'sbehindallthis!
[hopsoffandwalksaway]
MallBunny:
Ineedabreak.CanIhaveabreak?
[hegetsitandwalksuptosomepayphonesnearby.Hepicksoneupanddialsanumber]Wehaveaproblem.Somebody'sontous.Yeah,he'saskin'alotofquestions.OnlyamatteroftimebeforehefindsoutwhatEaster'sreallyabout.Yes,Iunderstandwhatmustbedone.Calltheothers.[hangsupthephone]
[Stan'sneighborhood,day.Staniswalkinghomewithdetermination.Hewalksbyabusstopwheresomeoneisreadinganewspaper.ThenewspaperdropsdownabitandthereaderisanotherEasterbunny.Stanstopsandlooksoverhisshoulderandthenewspaperrisestoitsformerpositionagain.Stanwalkson,andthebunnyrisesafewsecondslatertofollowhim.Stannoticesandbeginstorun.AfewsecondslaterhenoticesthreemoreEasterbunniesfacinghim.Withbunniesbehindhimandinfront,herunsacrossthestreettoescape,butacarstopsjustbeforehittinghimandtwomorebunniesstepoutofthecar.Hegetstotheothersideandcontinuesrunninginthesamedirectionasbefore,withthesixbunnieschasinghim.Hemakesithomeandclosesthefrontdoorbehindhim.Thebunniesreachthedoorandstartpoundingonit]
[TheMarshhouse,inside.Stanrunsupstairs.]
Stan:
Mom?
Dad?
[reachesthesecondfloor]Anybodyhome?
?
Randy:
[voiceonly]Notnow,Stanley,I'monthetoilet!
[Stanrunstotherestroomdoorandpoundsonit]
Stan:
Dad!
You'vegottahelpme!
[looksaround]
Randy:
Hangnon,I'mtakingacrap.
Stan:
Dad!
There'sEasterbunnieschasingme!
Randy:
What?
Stan:
Theychasedmefromthemall!
Idon'tknowwhatheywant!
[hearsthefrontdoorbreakingopen]They'recomingin!
Dad,opentheDOOR!
[thebathorrmdooropensandRandylooksout,wearingsomebunnyearsandabunnysnoutwithbuckteeth.]Dad?
?
Randy:
We...needtotalk,Stan.[theEasterbunniesrunupthestairs]Ih,it'sokayguys.
GrayHare:
Randy?
Randy:
Yeah.'Causeitturnsoutthekidwe'reafterismyson.
PurpleHare:
Ohhh.
Randy:
TelltheGrandHareeverythingisokay.I'lltakeitfromhere.
[Stan'sroom.Randyexplainsthings.]
Randy:
Iwantedtokeepthisfromyou,Stan.Ireallywantedtowaituntilyouwereolderbut...youjusthadtokeepaskingquestions!
Stan:
Whywerethoseotherrabbitguyschasingme?
!
Randy:
Wehavetobecarefulwhenwethinksomebody'sontous.[turnsntofacehim]Weareallpartofasecretsociety,Stan.Averyancient,veryimportantsocietyofmenwhofollowthewayoftheRabbit,andprotectthesecretoftheEasterbunny.Wearecalled...theHareClubForMen.
Stan:
[notimpressed,butcurious]DoesMomknowaboutthis?
Randy:
Duh,it'stheHareClubForMen.Chickswouldn'tunderstand.
Stan:
Idon'tunderstand!
Randy:
Ibelongtoasecretsocietythathasbeenaroundforthousandsofyears!
Ouridentiteshavetobeprotected!
Stan:
Could,couldyou,takeoff,theears,please?
Randy:
Stan,youdon'tseemtounderstandhowseriousthisis!
ThesecretofEasterthatweprotectissomethingthatcouldrockthefoundationoftheentireworld!
Stan:
SowhatisthesecretofEaster?
Randy:
Ican'ttellyou.YouhavetobeallowedintotheSocietyfirst,but...butperhaps...it'stime.
[Randy'scar,night.HeandStandrivealongasecludedroad.Stanhasabagoverhisheadsohedoesn'tseewherethey'regoing.]
Randy:
Ialwaysknewthisdaywouldcome,whenmysonwouldbebroughtintothesociety.RemindsmeofthedayIwasbroughtinbymyfather.
Stan:
Grandpa'sinittoo?
Randy:
Ofcourse.MarsheshavebeenintheHareClubForMenforgenerations.Allthewaybacktothebeginning.
Stan:
Dad,doIhavetowearthisbagovermyheadtheentiretime?
Randy:
Youaren'tamemberyet.Youcan'tknowwhereoursecretmeetingstakeplace.We'regoingtoadistantlocation,anoldbuildingnearalakeabout40minutesaway.
Stan:
YoumeantheoldGalvestonLodge?
[Randy'stakenabackatStan'smemoryandsothinksaboutwhattodonext.Afterawhile,hedecidestoremovethebag]
Randy:
Damnit.
[GalvestonLodge,night.Haresfromallaroundgatherinside.T.H.C.F.M.Thelodgeisguardedbytwolargegoldenhares]
Hare1:
HeyBill.
Hare2:
Evenin'Marcus.
Hare3:
Hehhehhey,lookatyou!
Hare4:
Heyeverybody.
[GalvestonLodge,inside.Haresmingleandchat]
Hare5:
StanMarsh,welcome!
Youmustbeveryexcited.
Stan:
MustI?
Grandpa:
Thereheis!
There'smygrandson!
Stan:
HiGrandpa.
Grandpa:
I'mproudofya,Billy.
Stan:
...Stan.
[GalvestonLodge,inductionceremony.RandyplacesastripofwhitefuronStan'sshoulders.ThepurpleHaredipsanegginaglasslavenderdyeandringsthebell.ThegrayHarestepsup,dipshisegginyellowdyeandringsthebell.Thiscontinues.Lateron,agavelissoundedandtheHaresturnleftwithlitcandles.]
PinkHare:
Tonight,wedetermineifanewmemberisworthyofprotectingtheSecret.Bringout...therabbit.
Hares:
SanctumPiteroteum,Deusoreuneum.
Hippitushoppitusreushomine.
Insuspiratoreum,lepusinresanctum.[twoHarescarrytherabbitforwardinagildedcage]
HippitushoppitusDeusDomine.[theysettherabbitbeforethePinkHareandeveryonegenuflects...exceptforStan.Randylooksupandhashimg
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