311 The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Which Sister.docx
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311 The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Which Sister.docx
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311TheOneWhereChandlerCantRememberWhichSister
311TheOneWhereChandlerCan'tRememberWhichSister
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,Monica,Phoebe,Ross,Joey,andRachelarethere,Joeyisdemonstratingacardtrick.]
Joey:
Okay,pickacard,anycard.(Monicapicksone)Allright,nowmemorizeit.Showtoeverybody.Gotit?
Monica:
Um-mm.
Joey:
Allright,giveitbacktome.(takesthecardback,buthelooksatthecardbeforeheputsitbackinthedeck,heholdsthedecktohisforehead,andthinksalittlewhile)5ofhearts.
(Monicaissarcasticallyamazed.)
Ross:
Realmagicdoesexist.
Rachel:
Wow.
Monica:
Wow.Joey,(sarcastically)howdoyoudoit?
Joey:
Ican'ttellyouthat,no.
(Wehearsomeknockingcomingfromtheceiling.)
Ross:
Ah,somebody'satthedoorontheceiling.
Rachel:
Noo,that'sourunbelievablyloudupstairsneighbor.
Monica:
Hetookupthecarpet,andnowyoucanheareverything.
Phoebe:
Whydon'tyougoupthereandaskhimto'steplightly,please?
'
Monica:
Ihavelikefivetimes,buttheguyissocharming,thatIgouptheretoyellandthenIendupapologizingtohim.
Phoebe:
Ooh,thatissilly.(getsup)I'llgoupthere,I'lltellhimtokeepitdown.
Monica:
Allright,bemyguest.
Rachel:
Goodluck.
(Phoebeexits)
Joey:
Allright,allright,allright,allright,allright,youreallywannaknowhowIdidit,I'llshowya.Whenyouhandedmebackthecard,whatyoudidn'tseewas,Ilookedatitsofastthatitwasinvisibletothenakedeye.(picksupacardandquicklylooksatit)Ijustdidit.(doesitagain)Ijustdidit,again.Here,I'llslowitdownsothatyouguyscanseeit.(looksandthecardinslowmotion)
All:
Oh,Igotit.
(WehearPhoebeknockatthedoorupstairs,andtheguyanswerit.)
Phoebe:
(muffledthroughthefloor)Yeah,lookIwaswithmyfrienddownstairsandweheareverythingupherethatyoudo,andIamsickandtired...(Itiredbuttherestisunintelligible).
Guy:
(muffled)Whoa,youareverybeautiful.
Phoebe:
(muffled)Oh,thankyou.
OpeningCredits
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,continuedfromearlier.]
Chandler:
(entering)Hey,anybodygotalengthofropeaboutsixfeetlongwithalittlenouseattheend?
Monica:
Honey,what'sthematter?
Chandler:
IjustsawJanice.
All:
Oh.
Chandler:
Yeah,shewasatRockefellerCenterskatingwithherhusband,shelookedsohappy.Ialmostfeelbadforwhippingthatkid'spretzelatthem.
Joey:
Man,IrememberthefirsttimeIsawthatgirlKatherine,afterwebrokeup.ShewasjustwalkingwithherfriendDonna,justlaughingandtalking.God,itkilledme.
Chandler:
Yes,butyouendeduphavingsexwithbothofthemthatafternoon.
Joey:
Sorry,Ijust,anyexcusetotellthatstoryy'know....
Ross:
HeyChandler,there'sapartytomorrow,you'llfeelbetterthen.
Chandler:
Oh,y'knowwhat,I'mgonnabeokay,youdon'thavetothrowapartyforme.
Monica:
It'sJoey'sbirthday.
Chandler:
Oh,wellthen,ifanybodyshouldhaveapartyitshouldbehim.
(WehearPhoebe'smuffledvoicethroughtheceiling.)
Monica:
Sush!
!
Icannotbelievesheisstillupthere.
(Weheartheguytellingajoke,andPhoebelaughing.)
Chandler:
Okay,wellhetotallyscrewedupthepunchline.Y'know,it'ssupposedtobearrghh-ehog-errigh.
[Scene:
FortunataFashions,Rachel'snewjob.]
Mr.Kaplan:
(entering)How'sthatcoffeecomin,'dear?
Rachel:
(jumpingupfromreadinghermagazine)Yeah,rightawayMr.Kaplan.
Mr.Kaplan:
I'mnotsupposedtodrinkcoffee,itmakesmegassy.
Rachel:
Iknow!
Mr.Kaplan:
I'llbetyourthinking,'What'sanintelligentgirlwhowantstobeinfashion,doingmakingcoffee?
'Eh?
Rachel:
Op.
Mr.Kaplan:
Eh.
Rachel:
Oh,yougotme.
Mr.Kaplan:
Well,don'tthinkIhaven'tnoticedyourpotential.Well,I'vegotaprojectforyouthat'salotmorerelatedtofashion.Howdoesthatsound?
Rachel:
Oh,thatsoundsgreat.
Mr.Kaplan:
Comeonoverhere,sweetheart.(theywalkovertoastoragecloset)
Rachel:
OhthankyousomuchMr.Kaplan,thankyousomuch.
Mr.Kaplan:
(openingtheclosetdoorrevealingthatit'sfulloftangleduphangers.)IneedthesehangersseparatedASAP.(sheisstunned)You'rewelcome.
[Scene:
TheMoondanceDiner,RachelistalkingtoMonicaaboutherjob.]
Rachel:
OhGod,Ihatemyjob,Ihateit,Ihatemyjob,Ihateit.
Monica:
Iknowhoney,I'msorry.
Rachel:
Oh,Iwannaquit,butthenIthinkIshouldstickitout,thenIthinkwhywouldsuchapersonstayinsuchademeaningjob,justbecauseit'sremotelyrelatedtothefieldthey'reinterestedin.
Monica:
(givesheralook)Gee,Idon'tknowRach.Orderup!
!
IgotaYentelsoup,aJamesBeans,andaHowdyholdtheDowdy!
Rachel:
Ohhoney,comeon,I'msorry,Ididn't....Idon'tmindpayingmydues,y'know,itsjusthowmuchamIgonnalearnaboutfashionbywalkingMira,thearthriticseamstress,tothebathroom.
(Aguyattheendofthetablestartslaughing.)
Rachel:
(tohim)Hi!
Ismymiseryamusingtoyou?
Guy:
I'msorry,Iwa,Iwa,Iwasjustah....(startstolaughagain)
Rachel:
It'snotfunny,thisisactuallymyjob.
Guy:
Ohbelieveme,I-I-I'vebeenthere.IhadtosortmannequinheadsatthatMannequinsPlus.
Rachel:
Ohwellthen,soI'mjustgoingtogobacktotalkingtomyfriendhere.Andyoucangobacktoenjoyingyourlittlehamburger.
Guy:
Ah,justoneotherthing.
Rachel:
Yes?
!
Guy:
Iah,IworkatBloomingdale'sandImightknowofajobpossibilityifyour,ifyourinterested?
Rachel:
(looksatMonica)(tohim)Doyouwantmypickle?
[Scene:
ChandlerandJoey's,it'sJoey'sparty.]
Gunther:
(toMonicaandPhoebe)Heyguys.
Monica:
HeyGunther.Hi.(toPhoebe)Imeanyou'regoingoutonadatewiththenoisyguyupstairs?
Phoebe:
Well,he'sverycharming.
Monica:
Iknow,he'stoocharming,butifyoutwostartgoingout,thenit'sjustgonnamakeitsomuchharderformetohatehim.
Phoebe:
Well,you'rejustgonnahavetotry.
Monica:
Joey,wherearetheJell-oshots?
Joey:
Idon'tknow,Chandlerissupposedtobepassin''emaround...
(CameracutstoshowChandlergivingaJelloshottotheceramicdogandholdinganemptytrayofJelloshots.)
Joey:
Chandler!
Chandler:
Hello-dillillio!
!
Ross:
Oh,somebody'sfeelingbetter.
Monica:
(toChandler)Stickoutyourtongue.
Chandler:
(toMonica)Takeoffyourshirt!
(Chandlersticksoutistongueandit'sahorribleshadeofgreen.)
Monica:
Ohmy!
!
Joey:
OhmyGod!
Howmanyofthesethingsdidyouhave?
Thesearepurevodka.
Chandler:
Yeah,Jell-ojustlikeMomusedtomake.
Rachel:
(entering,toRoss)Themostunbelievablethinghappenedtometoday.
Ross:
Hi!
Rachel:
Hi!
SoI'mouthavinglunchatMonica'sandthisguystartstalkingtome,anditturnsoutheworksforabuyeratBloomingdale'sandtherehappenstobeanopeninginhisdepartment.SoIgavehimmyphonenumberandhe'sgonnacallmethisweekendtoseeifhecangetmeaninterview!
Ross:
Wow!
Rachel:
Iknow!
Ross:
What,sothisguyishelpingyoufornoapparentreason?
Rachel:
Uh-huh!
Ross:
Andhe's,he'satotalstranger?
Rachel:
Yeah!
Hisnameisum,Marksomething.
Ross:
Huh.SoundslikeMarkSomethingwantstohavesomesex.
Rachel:
What!
?
Ross:
Well,I'mjustsaying,Imeanwhyelsewouldhejust,y'know,swoopinoutofnowherefornoreason.
Rachel:
Tobenice.
Ross:
Hey,Joey.Aremenevernicetostrangewomenfornoreason?
Joey:
No,onlyforsex.
Ross:
Thankyou.(toRachel)Sodidyouah,didyoutellMarkSomethingaboutme?
Rachel:
Ididn'thaveto,becauseIwaswearingmy'IheartRoss'sandwichboardandringingmybell.
Ross:
Uh-huh.
Joey'sSisters:
(entering)Joey!
!
!
HappyBirthday!
!
(all7ofthemlookalmostidentical)
Joey:
Hey!
!
Hey-hey-hey!
Chandler:
(toMonica)Okay,howmanyofthatgirlareyouseeing?
Monica:
Howhammeredareyou?
Huh?
These,theseareJoey'ssisters.
Chandler:
HiJoey'ssisters!
Phoebe:
(tooneofhissisters,Cookie)Hey!
Cookie:
Hey.Whatarewedrinkin'overhere.
Phoebe:
Well,Ihaveah,vodkaandcranberryjuice.
Cookie:
Nokiddin,'that'stheexactsamedrinkImademyselfrightafterIshotmyhusband.
Phoebe:
Wow.Okay,Idon'tknowhowtotalktoyou.
(CuttoChandler)
Sister1:
(toChandler)What'chadoing?
Chandler:
Oh,I'mtakingmyex-girlfriendofmyspeeddialer.
Joey'sSisters:
Oh!
!
Chandler:
No-no-no-no,no,it'sagoodthing.Whymustwedialsospeedilyanyway?
Whymustwerushthroughlife?
Whycan'twesavorthepreciousmoments?
(tooneofJoey'ssisters)Thosearesomehugebreastsyouhave.
(CuttoRossandMonica)
Ross:
Hi.
Monica:
Hi.
Ross:
Yeah.Soum,I-Iheardaboutthisah,Markguythatah,Rachelmettoday.
Monica:
Isn'tthatgreat?
Ross:
Ohyeah!
Soah,kindapretty,prettygood.Hesoundslikeanice,goodguy.
Monica:
Oh,heis.Andheissodreamy.Imean,y'knowwhat,whenheleftIactuallyusedthephrase,'Hummina-hummina-hummina.'(walksaway)
Ross:
That'sexcellent.
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,Monica,Phoebe,Ross,andRachelareeatingbreakfast.]
Ross:
(toRachel)So,he'sjustaniceguy.YoureallythinkthisMarkdoesn'twantanythinginexchangeforhelpinghim?
Rachel:
Well,IassumeI'llhavetotakeshowerswithhim,buty'know,that'strueofanyjob.
(Chandlerentershungoverandgroaning)
Monica:
Howyafeelin'?
Chandler:
Well,myapartmentisn'tthereanymore,becauseIdrankit.
Phoebe:
Where'dyougettoo?
Welostyouafteryouopenedupallthepresents.
Ross:
Yeah.
Chandler:
Yeah,Iendedupinthestorageroom,andnotalone.
All:
Woooohoooo!
!
!
Chandler:
Ow,no'woo-hooing,'no'woo-hooing.'
Phoebe:
Why,whathappened?
Chandler:
Ah,IfooledaroundwithJoey'ssister.(Phoebegasps)Well,that'snottheworstpart.
Monica:
Whatistheworsepart?
Chandler:
Ican'trememberwhichsister.
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