英语短篇小说 An Anxious Man.docx
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英语短篇小说 An Anxious Man.docx
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英语短篇小说AnAnxiousMan
AnAnxiousMan
JamesLasdun
I
JosephNagelslumpedforward,headinhands.
‘MyGod,’hegroaned.
Elisesnappedoffthecarradio.
‘Calmdown,Joseph.’
‘That’sfourstraightdayssincewegothere.’
‘Joseph,please.’
‘Whatdoyouthinkwe’redownnow?
Sixty?
Eightythousand?
’
‘It’llcomeback.’
‘Weshouldhavesoldeverythingafterthefirsttwenty.Thatwouldhavebeenanacceptableloss.Giventhatweweretoostupidtosellwhenwewereactuallyahead–‘
Josephfeltthepetulantnoteinhisvoice,toldhimselftoshutup,andplungedon:
‘Ididsayweshouldgetout,didn’tI?
Frankly,itwasirresponsiblecommittingallthatmoney–‘shutup,shutup‘-nottomentiontheunseemlinessofbuyinginwhenyoudid–‘
OhGod…
Hiswifespokeicily:
‘Ididn’thearyoucomplainwhenwewereahead.’
‘Allright,butthat’snotthepoint.Thepointis–‘
‘What?
’
Herfacehadtightenedangrilyonitself,alllineandbone.
‘Thepointis…’Buthehadlosthistrainofthoughtandsatblinking,walledinathickgriefthatseemedforamomentunaccountedforbymoneyoranythingelsehecouldputhisfingeron.
Elisegotoutofthecar.
‘Let’sgoforaswim,shallwe,Darcy?
’
Sheopenedthereardoorfortheirdaughterandledheraway.
Glumly,Josephwatchedthemwalkhandinhanddownthroughthescruboaksandpinestothesandyedgeofthekettlepond.
Hegatheredthetwobagsfromtheshoppingexpeditionintohislap,burremainedinthecar,heavilyimmobile.
Money…Forthefirsttimeintheirlivestheyhadsomecapital.IthadcomefromthesaleofanapartmentElisehadinherited,andithadarousedvolatileforcesintheirhousehold.Thoughnotavastamount–underaquarterofamilliondollarsafterestatetaxes–itwaslargeenough,ifconsideredasastakeratherthananesteff,toformthebasisofadreamofrealriches,andJosephhadfoundhimselfunexpectedlysusceptibletothisdream.Themoneyhadmadeasadealerinantiqueprintsandfurniturewasenough,combineswithElise’sincomefromoccasionalweb-designjobs,tokeeptheminmodestcomfort–twocars,anoldbrickhouseinAureliawithlilacbushesandagrapearbour,theyearlytripupheretotheCape–buttherewasn’tmuchleftoverforDarcy’scollegefund,letalonetheirretirement.Inthepastsuchmattershadn’ttroubledhimgreatly,butwiththeadventofElise’sinheritancehehadfeltsuddenlyawokenintonewandurgentresponsibilities.Attheiragetheyshouldn’tbeworryingabouthowtopayformedicalcoverageeveryyear,shouldthey?
Ordebatingwhethertheycouldaffordthedentalandeye-carepackagetoo?
Andwasn’titabouttimetheybuiltastudiosothatElisecouldconcentrateonherpainting?
Themoreheconsideredthesethings,themorenecessary,asopposedtomerelydesirable,theyhadseemed,untilhebegantothinkthattogoonmuchlongerwithoutthemwouldbetoacceptfailure–amarginalexistencethatwoulddoubtlessgrowmorepinchedastimewentby,andendinsqualor.
AfterprobatehadclearedandElisehadsoldtheapartment,theyhadgonetoamanonWallStreet,amoneymanagerwhodidn’tasarulehandleaccountsoflessthanamilliondollars,butwho,asaspecialfavourtothemutualacquaintancewhohadrecommendedhim,hadagreedtoconsiderallowingtheNagelstoinvesttheircapitalinoneofhisfunds.
MortonDowell,theman’snamewas.Gazingoutatthepondglitteringthroughthepines,Josephrecalledhimvividly:
atanned,smiling,sapphire-eyedmaninastripedshirtwithwhitecollarandcuffs,andapairofelasticizedsilversleevelinkscirclinghisarms.
Ayoungassistant,baldingandgrave,hadshownthemintoDowell’scherry-panelledboweroverlookingGovernor’sIsland.There,sunkindimpledleatherarmchairs,JosephandElisehadlistenedtoDowellmuseinanEnglish-accenteddrawlonhis‘extraordinaryrunofgoodluck’thesepasttwentyyears,inclininghisheadinmodestdisavowalwhentheassistantmurmuredthathecouldthinkofabetterwordforitthanluck,whilecasuallyevokingimageafterimageofthetransformationshehadwroughtuponhisclients’lives,andhintingcasuallyatthespecialintimacieswithinthehighercirclesoffinancethathadenabledhimtoaccomplishthesetransformations.
‘Ithinkit’sjustsomuchfuntohelppeopleattainthethingstheywantfromlife,’hehadsaid,‘beitayachtorahouseonStBart’soraSteinwayfortheirmusicalchild…’
Josephhadlistened,mesmerized,hardlydaringtohopethatthismightypersonagewouldconsenttosprinklehismagicupontheirmodestcapital.HewasalmostovercomewithgratitudewhenattheendofthemeetingDowellappearedtohavedecidedtheywouldmakeacceptableclients,sendinghisassistanttofetchhiSovereignMutualFundprospectusforthemtotakehome.
‘Whatacreep,’Elisehadmurmuredastheywaitedfortheelevatoroutside.‘Iwouldn’tleavehiminaroomwithDarcy’spiggybank.’\
Stunned,Josephhadopenedhismouthtodefendtheman,butatoncefoundhimselfhesitating.Perhapsshewasright…Heknewhimselftobeapoorjudgeofpeople.He,whocoulddetectthemostskilfullyfakedMissiondeskorFederal-erasleighbedmerelybystandinginitspresenceforamoment,waslesssureofhimselfwhenitcametohumanbeings.Hetendedtolikethemonprinciple,buthissenseofwhattheywere,essentiallywasvague,unstable–qualitieshesuspectedmightbelinkedtosomecorrespondinginstabilityinhimself.WhereasElise,whohadlittleinterestinmaterialthings(andwhohadbeenaltogetherlessunsettledbyherinheritancethanhehad),tookakeenifsomewhatdetachedinterestinotherpeople,andwasshrewdatassessingthem.
EvenastheirelevatorbegandescendingfromDowell’soffice,Josephhadfoundhissenseofthemanbeginningtofalter.Andbythetimetheygothomeithadreverseditselfentirely.Ofcourse,hehadthought,picturingtheman’stannedsmileandsparkingarmbandsagain;whatanobviousphony!
Areptile!
Heshudderedtothinkhoweasilyhehadbeentakenin.
‘Youknowwhat?
Youshouldinvestthemoneyyourself.’HehadtoldElise.
‘Thathadcrossedmymind.’
‘Youshoulddoit,Elise!
Itcan’tbethathard.’Hewasbrimmingwithsuddenenthusiasmfortheidea.
‘PerhapsIwillgiveitatry.’
‘Youshould!
Youhavegoodinstincts.That’sallthatmatters.Thesemoneymanagersarejustguessinglikeanyoneelse.You’dbeasgoodasanyofthem.’
Andthisinfacthadappearedtobethecase.Afterbidinghertimeforseveralweeks,Elisehadmadehermovewithanaudacitythatstunnedhim.ItwasrightaftertheSeptember11attacks,whentheshell-shockedmarketsreopened.Overtendays,astheDowreeledandstaggered,sheboughtandboughtandbought,icilyresolutewhileJosephflailedaroundher,wrenchedbetweenhisfearfulcertaintythattheentirecapitalistsystemwasabouttocollapse,hisguiltyterrorofbeingpunishedbythegodsforattemptingtoprofitfromdisaster,andhisrisingexcitement,asthetideturnedandhecouldsee,ontheSchwabwebpageoverhiswife’sshoulder,thefigureintheTotalGaincolumnswellingdayafterdayinexuberantvindicationofherinstincts.Animmensecontentmenthadfilledhim.ThankGodshehadkeptthemoneyoutofthatfiendDowell’sclutches!
Butthenthetidehadturnedagain.ThenumberthathadbeengrowingsorapidlyintheTotalGaincolumn,puttingoutathird,fourth,thenafifthfigure,likeashipunfurlingsailsinthegreatwindofprosperitythathadseemedsettoblowonceagainacrossAmerica,hadslowedtoahalt,lowereditssailsonebyone,andthen,terrifyingly,beguntosink.AndsuddenlyElise’sshrewdness,theinnatefinancialacumenhehadattributedtoher,hadbeguntolooklikenothingmorethanbeginner’sluck,whileinplaceofhiscontentment,amassofanxietiesbeganteeminginsidehim.
Howexhaustingitallwas.Howhehatedit!
Itwasasthough,ininvestingthemoney,Elisehadunwittinglyattachedhimbyinvisiblefilamentstosomevast,seethingcollectivepsychethatneverrested.Havingpaidnoattentiontofinancialmattersbefore,henowappearedtobeenslavedbythem.WhentheDoworNASDAQwentdown,hewasdraggedwiththem,unabletoenjoyabeautifulday,agoodmeal,orevenhisnightlygameofchequerswithhisdaughter.Almostworse,ontherareoccasionswhentheindiceswentup,aweirdstuporofhappinesswouldseizehim,nomatterwhatawfulthingsmightbegoingonaroundhim.Andmorethanjusthismood,themanagementofhisentiresenseofrealityseemedtohavebeenhandedovertothemarkets.GlimpsingintheTimesBusinessSection(pagesthatwouldformerlyhavegonestraightintotherecyclingbin)anarticleonmutualfundsbuckingthedownwardtrend,hehadseenMortonDowell’sSovereignFundamongtheluckyfew,andfeltsuddenlyafoolforhavingallowedwhatatonceseemedanactofastoundinglypoorjudgmenttosteerhimawayfromthatsterling,agileman…
God!
Allthatandthenightmarishdiscoverythatyoucouldnevergetoutonceyouwereinanyway–couldn’tsellwhenyouwereaheadbecauseyoumightmissoutongettingevenfurtherahead,couldn’tsellwhenyouweredownbecausethemarketmightcomesurgingbackthenextweek,leavingyouhighanddrywithyourlosses,thoughofcoursewhenitmerelycontinuedtankingyouwantedtotearyourhairoutfornothavinghadthehumilitytoacknowledgeyourmistake,andsalvage,sadderbutwider,whatyoucould.
Whateveryoudid,itseemedyouwereboundtoregretdoingit,ornothavingdoneitsooner.Itwasasthoughsomemalicioushigherpower,havinginspectedtheworkingsofthehumanmind,hadcalibratedatormentforitbasedonpreciselytheinstinctsof
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