Bliss by Katherine Mansfield.docx
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Bliss by Katherine Mansfield.docx
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AlthoughBerthaYoungwasthirtyshestillhadmomentslikethiswhenshewantedtoruninsteadofwalk,totakedancingstepsonandoffthepavement,tobowlahoop,tothrowsomethingupintheairandcatchitagain,ortostandstillandlaughat-nothing-atnothing,simply.
Whatcanyoudoifyouarethirtyand,turningthecornerofyourownstreet,youareovercome,suddenlybyafeelingofbliss-absolutebliss!
-asthoughyou'dsuddenlyswallowedabrightpieceofthatlateafternoonsunanditburnedinyourbosom,sendingoutalittleshowerofsparksintoeveryparticle,intoeveryfingerandtoe?
...
Oh,istherenowayyoucanexpressitwithoutbeing"drunkanddisorderly"?
Howidioticcivilisationis!
Whybegivenabodyifyouhavetokeepitshutupinacaselikearare,rarefiddle?
"No,thataboutthefiddleisnotquitewhatImean,"shethought,runningupthestepsandfeelinginherbagforthekey-she'dforgottenit,asusual-andrattlingtheletter-box."It'snotwhatImean,because-Thankyou,Mary"-shewentintothehall."Isnurseback?
"
"Yes,M'm."
"Andhasthefruitcome?
"
"Yes,M'm.Everything'scome."
"Bringthefruituptothedining-room,willyou?
I'llarrangeitbeforeIgoupstairs."
Itwasduskyinthedining-roomandquitechilly.ButallthesameBerthathrewoffhercoat;shecouldnotbearthetightclaspofitanothermoment,andthecoldairfellonherarms.
Butinherbosomtherewasstillthatbrightglowingplace-thatshoweroflittlesparkscomingfromit.Itwasalmostunbearable.Shehardlydaredtobreatheforfearoffanningithigher,andyetshebreatheddeeply,deeply.Shehardlydaredtolookintothecoldmirror-butshedidlook,anditgaveherbackawoman,radiant,withsmiling,tremblinglips,withbig,darkeyesandanairoflistening,waitingforsomething...divinetohappen...thatsheknewmusthappen...infallibly.
Marybroughtinthefruitonatrayandwithitaglassbowl,andabluedish,verylovely,withastrangesheenonitasthoughithadbeendippedinmilk.
"ShallIturnonthelight,M'm?
"
"No,thankyou.Icanseequitewell."
Thereweretangerinesandapplesstainedwithstrawberrypink.Someyellowpears,smoothassilk,somewhitegrapescoveredwithasilverbloomandabigclusterofpurpleones.Theselastshehadboughttotoneinwiththenewdining-roomcarpet.Yes,thatdidsoundratherfar-fetchedandabsurd,butitwasreallywhyshehadboughtthem.Shehadthoughtintheshop:
"Imusthavesomepurpleonestobringthecarpetuptothetable."Andithadseemedquitesenseatthetime.
Whenshehadfinishedwiththemandhadmadetwopyramidsofthesebrightroundshapes,shestoodawayfromthetabletogettheeffect-anditreallywasmostcurious.Forthedarktableseemedtomeltintotheduskylightandtheglassdishandthebluebowltofloatintheair.This,ofcourse,inherpresentmood,wassoincrediblybeautiful...Shebegantolaugh.
"No,no.I'mgettinghysterical."Andsheseizedherbagandcoatandranupstairstothenursery.
NursesatatalowtablegivingLittleBhersupperafterherbath.Thebabyhadonawhiteflannelgownandabluewoollenjacket,andherdark,finehairwasbrushedupintoafunnylittlepeak.Shelookedupwhenshesawhermotherandbegantojump.
"Now,mylovey,eatituplikeagoodgirl,"saidnurse,settingherlipsinawaythatBerthaknew,andthatmeantshehadcomeintothenurseryatanotherwrongmoment.
"Hasshebeengood,Nanny?
"
"She'sbeenalittlesweetalltheafternoon,"whisperedNanny."WewenttotheparkandIsatdownonachairandtookheroutofthepramandabigdogcamealongandputitsheadonmykneeandsheclutcheditsear,tuggedit.Oh,youshouldhaveseenher."
Berthawantedtoaskifitwasn'tratherdangeroustoletherclutchatastrangedog'sear.Butshedidnotdareto.Shestoodwatchingthem,herhandsbyherside,likethepoorlittlegirlinfrontoftherichgirlwiththedoll.
Thebabylookedupatheragain,stared,andthensmiledsocharminglythatBerthacouldn'thelpcrying:
"Oh,Nanny,doletmefinishgivingherhersupperwhileyouputthebaththingsaway.
"Well,M'm,sheoughtn'ttobechangedhandswhileshe'seating,"saidNanny,stillwhispering."Itunsettlesher;it'sverylikelytoupsether."
Howabsurditwas.Whyhaveababyifithastobekept-notinacaselikearare,rarefiddle-butinanotherwoman'sarms?
"Oh,Imust!
"saidshe.
Veryoffended,Nannyhandedherover.
"Now,don'texciteherafterhersupper.Youknowyoudo,M'm.AndIhavesuchatimewithherafter!
"
Thankheaven!
Nannywentoutoftheroomwiththebathtowels.
"NowI'vegotyoutomyself,mylittleprecious,"saidBertha,asthebabyleanedagainsther.
Sheatedelightfully,holdingupherlipsforthespoonandthenwavingherhands.Sometimesshewouldn'tletthespoongo;andsometimes,justasBerthahadfilledit,shewaveditawaytothefourwinds.
WhenthesoupwasfinishedBerthaturnedroundtothefire."You'renice-you'reverynice!
"saidshe,kissingherwarmbaby."I'mfondofyou.Ilikeyou."
Andindeed,shelovedLittleBsomuch-herneckasshebentforward,herexquisitetoesastheyshonetransparentinthefirelight-thatallherfeelingofblisscamebackagain,andagainshedidn'tknowhowtoexpressit-whattodowithit.
"You'rewantedonthetelephone,"saidNanny,comingbackintriumphandseizingherLittleB.
Downsheflew.ItwasHarry.
"Oh,isthatyou,Ber?
Lookhere.I'llbelate.I'lltakeataxiandcomealongasquicklyasIcan,butgetdinnerputbacktenminutes-willyou?
Allright?
"
"Yes,perfectly.Oh,Harry!
"
"Yes?
"
Whathadshetosay?
She'dnothingtosay.Sheonlywantedtogetintouchwithhimforamoment.Shecouldn'tabsurdlycry:
"Hasn'titbeenadivineday!
"
"Whatisit?
"rappedoutthelittlevoice.
"Nothing.Entendu,"saidBertha,andhungupthereceiver,thinkinghowmuchmorethanidioticcivilisationwas.
Theyhadpeoplecomingtodinner.TheNormanKnights-averysoundcouple-hewasabouttostartatheatre,andshewasawfullykeenoninteriordecoration,ayoungman,EddieWarren,whohadjustpublishedalittlebookofpoemsandwhomeverybodywasaskingtodine,anda"find"ofBertha'scalledPearlFulton.WhatMissFultondid,Berthadidn'tknow.TheyhadmetattheclubandBerthahadfalleninlovewithher,asshealwaysdidfallinlovewithbeautifulwomenwhohadsomethingstrangeaboutthem.
Theprovokingthingwasthat,thoughtheyhadbeenabouttogetherandmetanumberoftimesandreallytalked,Berthacouldn'tmakeherout.UptoacertainpointMissFultonwasrarely,wonderfullyfrank,butthecertainpointwasthere,andbeyondthatshewouldnotgo.
Wasthereanythingbeyondit?
Harrysaid"No."Votedherdullish,and"coldlikeallblondewomen,withatouch,perhaps,ofanaemiaofthebrain."ButBerthawouldn'tagreewithhim;notyet,atanyrate.
"No,thewayshehasofsittingwithherheadalittleononeside,andsmiling,hassomethingbehindit,Harry,andImustfindoutwhatthatsomethingis."
"Mostlikelyit'sagoodstomach,"answeredHarry.
HemadeapointofcatchingBertha'sheelswithrepliesofthatkind..."liverfrozen,mydeargirl,"or"pureflatulence,"or"kidneydisease,"...andsoon.ForsomestrangereasonBerthalikedthis,andalmostadmireditinhimverymuch.
Shewentintothedrawing-roomandlightedthefire;then,pickingupthecushions,onebyone,thatMaryhaddisposedsocarefully,shethrewthembackontothechairsandthecouches.Thatmadeallthedifference;theroomcamealiveatonce.Asshewasabouttothrowthelastoneshesurprisedherselfbysuddenlyhuggingittoher,passionately,passionately.Butitdidnotputoutthefireinherbosom.Oh,onthecontrary!
Thewindowsofthedrawing-roomopenedontoabalconyoverlookingthegarden.Atthefarend,againstthewall,therewasatall,slenderpeartreeinfullest,richestbloom;itstoodperfect,asthoughbecalmedagainstthejade-greensky.Berthacouldn'thelpfeeling,evenfromthisdistance,thatithadnotasinglebudorafadedpetal.Downbelow,inthegardenbeds,theredandyellowtulips,heavywithflowers,seemedtoleanuponthedusk.Agreycat,draggingitsbelly,creptacrossthelawn,andablackone,itsshadow,trailedafter.Thesightofthem,sointentandsoquick,gaveBerthaacuriousshiver.
"Whatcreepythingscatsare!
"shestammered,andsheturnedawayfromthewindowandbeganwalkingupanddown...
Howstrongthejonquilssmelledinthewarmroom.Toostrong?
Oh,no.Andyet,asthoughovercome,sheflungdownonacouchandpressedherhandstohereyes.
"I'mtoohappy-toohappy!
"shemurmured.
Andsheseemedtoseeonhereyelidsthelovelypeartreewithitswideopenblossomsasasymbolofherownlife.
Really-really-shehadeverything.Shewasyoung.Harryandshewereasmuchinloveasever,andtheygotontogethersplendidlyandwerereallygoodpals.Shehadanadorablebaby.Theydidn'thavetoworryaboutmoney.Theyhadthisabsolutelysatisfactoryhouseandgarden.Andfriends-modern,thrillingfriends,writersandpaintersandpoetsorpeoplekeenonsocialquestions-justthekindoffriendstheywanted.Andthentherewerebooks,andtherewasmusic,andshehadfoundawonderfullittledressmaker,andtheyweregoingabroadinthesummer,andtheirnewcookmadethemostsuperbomelettes...
"I'mabsurd.Absurd!
"Shesatup;butshefeltquitedizzy,quitedrunk.Itmusthavebeenthespring.
Yes,itwasthespring.Nowshewassotiredshecouldnotdragherselfupstairstod
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