206 流言.docx
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206 流言.docx
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206流言
GrowingPains206DreamLover
206_34流言
(Inschoolreadingaplay)
Carol:
"Ohswearnotbybythemoon,theinconstantmoon,thatmonthlychangesinhercircledorb,lestthatshyloveprovelikewise,variable."
Pupil:
"WhatshallIswearby?
"
(CoachfindsBobsleeping)
Teacher:
Hey!
We'retryingtodoalittle"RomeoandJuliet"here!
Wedon'tneednoinsensitivejerk,messingitup.
Bobby:
I'msorryCoach.
Teacher:
Alright...err...gobacktothepartwhereRomeowasswearing.
Ok,people.RemembernextweekwehaveamajorexamonalltheShakespeareSonnets.Soyoubetterknowyourassonantsfromyourelbows.
Friend:
AreyoucomingCarol,orwhat?
Carol:
Wherearesensitivemen,likeRomeo,nowadays?
Men,whoaren'tafraidtocry.Imean,allwehaveareinsensitivejocks.
Friend:
DoyouthinkTomCruiseCries?
Friend2:
TomCruisecandoanythinghewants.
Teacher:
Seaver!
Carol:
Yes,Mr.Lovett.
Teacher:
I'mgonnasaysomethingtoyouthatmightshockyou.Butinthisclass,Iconsideryoumyequal.Well,whatImeanis,ifIhadaquestionaboutShakespeare,andIhadachoiceofeitheraskinghimoryou;I'daskyou.
Carol:
Wellthankyou.
Teacher:
Andithasnothingtodowiththefactthattheyranaroundintightsallthetime.Andthepointis,isthatIneedyourhelp.It'snobigsecretthatIwouldn'tevenbeteachingthisclass,ifMrs.Orbeauxhadn'tgonealittlebitflaky,ifyouknowwhatImean?
Butthere'sakidwho'sflunkingtheclass,whoshouldn'tbeandIkindo'blamemyself.So,Iwaswonderingif,maybeyoucouldtutorhim.
Carol:
Well,I'veneverreallythoughtofmyselfasa...teacher.
Teacher:
Hey,whohas?
Sowhatdoyousay?
Carol:
Ok,I'llgiveitashot.
Teacher:
Ah,yeah.Hey,Bobby!
Carol:
Thejock?
Bobby:
Yo,Coach!
!
Teacher:
Now,Bobby.Seaverhere'sgonnahelpyouthroughallthatShakespearestuff...
Bobby:
Alright.
Teacher:
Now,look!
Youdoeverythingshesays,because,ifyoudon'tpass,youdon'tplay.
Anditaren’tgonnadoyounogoodcomin'cryingyoureyesouttome;likeyoudidlastyear.
Bobby:
Idon'tthinkweeverreallymet.I'mBobbyWinette.
Carol:
Iknow.
Bobby:
Andyou'reCarol,"TheBrain".
Carol:
Iknow.Youactuallycriedlastyear?
Bobby:
Yeah.Groinpull.
(Bencomeshome)
Jason:
Hello.
Ben:
It'snotoneofyourmentalpatients,Dad,it'sjustme.
Jason:
Hey,you'rehomeearly,Ben.
Ben:
Yeah,myteachergotfoodpoisoningfromthe"TunaSurprise"inthecafeteria.Shewassurprisedalright.
Jason:
IssheOK?
Ben:
Iguess.AllsIknowisthatoneminuteMissCutterwasreadingoff"TheLittleFishThatCould",andthenextminute,shewasrowfingoutthewindow.
Mike:
Hey,Dad!
Askmehowschoolwenttoday!
Jason:
I'mafraidto...
Mike:
ItwentgreatDadwehadthispopquizinhealthclassandgot...Areyoureadyforthis?
...anA!
!
!
Jason:
AnA?
Mike:
Yeah!
Jason:
Greatnewsson.
Mike:
Yeah,Yeah.See,wehadtolistthefourbasicfoodgroups,andIgoteverysingleoneof'emright.
Jason:
Wow!
Mike:
Thosetwohoursofstudyingreallypaidoff.
Carol:
HiDad.
Jason:
Hi.
Carol:
Dad!
Mike,you'rehome!
!
Ben,you'rehometoo!
!
Dad,wouldyoumakeMiketakeBensomeplace?
Jason:
Anyplaceinparticular?
Carol:
Beijingwouldbegood.
Mike:
Look!
Howcomeallofasudden,youdon'twantusaround?
Carol:
It'snotsudden.
Jason:
Carol!
Mike:
Oh,no,no,no,IgetitDad.She'sprobablygotoneofher"ohsobrainyfriends"comingoverandshe'safraidthatwe'llembarrassher.Whichofcoursewewill.
Carol:
It'snoneofyourbusiness,whoI'vegotcomingover.
Jason:
Look,Carol,beingashamedofyourbrothers,isnotnice.
Ben:
Yeah.(Benburps)
Jason:
Could'vebeenworse.WhichoneofyouguyswantstocomewithmetopickupyourMom?
Freeice-cream.
Ben:
Let'sroll.
Jason:
AndIdon'twantyoutobebotheringyoursisterwhenherlittlefriendishere.
Mike:
Hey,nosweetDad.
Carol:
Mike,whydon'tyougosomeplaceandcountyourbraincell?
Mike:
Whatisitwithyou?
Who'scomingover?
The...thegeekqueenofDeweyHigh?
Carol:
It'snoneofyourbusiness.
Mike:
Oh.Igetit.Thisisn'tjustlikeashe-geek,thisisahe-geek,isn'tit?
Carol:
You'rescum.
Mike:
So,whoisit?
Likeahunkfromthechessclub?
Atotalbabefromthehonorssociety?
Carol:
Foryourinformation,ithappenstobetheCaptainofthevarsityfootballteam.
Mike:
BobbyWinette?
Carol:
Yeah.
Mike:
Wow...wai...waitaminute.BobbyWinetteiscomingoverheretoseeyou?
Carol:
Yeah.
Mike:
Why?
(Doorbellringsandit'sBobby)
Carol:
There.See?
Bobby:
Err...hello.
Mike:
Yo!
Bobby!
Myman!
Howintheheckareyoudoingbro?
Bobby:
Fine.Mark,right?
Mike:
Yeah,yeah,that'swhatmyclosefriendscallme.
Bobby:
So,Carol,wheredoyouwannastudy?
Mike:
Aha.Thatexplainswhyyou'dbeoverhereseeingher.
Carol:
Well,howaboutmyroom?
There'llbefewerstupidinterruptions.
Bobby:
Yourparentswon'tmind?
Carol:
Well,we'retheonlyoneshere.ExceptforMark,ofcourse.
Carol:
Bobby,Idon'tknowwhyRomeodidn'ttryCPRonJulietbeforehekilledhimself.
Bobby:
Imean,theguydoesn'tevencheckthepulse,beforehedoeshimselfin.
Carol:
Bobby,theplayisoverfourhundredyearsold.It'saClassic.
Bobby:
Look!
Toyougeniuses,itmaymakesensethatJulietgetssomedrugfromapriest,
andpretendslikeshe'sdead,sothatshecanrunoffwithaguywho'stoostupidtopickupthephoneandcalladoctor.Well,toaguylikeme,it'ssheepdip!
!
Carol:
You'recallingShakespeare,"sheepdip"?
Bobby:
IfIwasRomeo,andyouwereJulietandIreallyhaditbadforyou,there'snothingnobodycouldsaythatwouldgetintheway...notmyfamily,notyourfamily,notnobody.Bythetimethosepeopleturnedaroundtolookforyouandme,we'dbeinmypick-up,halfwaytoNewJersey!
!
(tareupcarol‘sBearToy)
I'msorryIlostmytemper.Sometimesmyemotionsgetthebestofme.IguessI'mtoosensitive.
Carol:
It'sOK.Ireallydidn'twantitanymore,anyway.
Bobby:
Thistutoringstuff'sabadidea.Myhead'stoothick.
Carol:
No,no,no,no,no.UnderstandingShakespeareisaverydifficultthingtodo.Youknow,whenIfirstreadhisplaysIwaslostformonths;itruinedmyentiresixthgradeyear.
Bobby:
Youreadthisstuffinthesixthgrade?
Carol:
I'mweird,OK?
Bobby:
No,no,no!
!
You'resmart.Boy,spendingthismuchtimewithmemustreallybeboringforyou,huh?
Carol:
Notreally.Sowherewerewe?
Bobby:
Everybodywasdead.
Maggie:
DinnerinhalfanhourBen!
!
TunaSurprise!
!
Ben:
Aargghh!
!
Mike:
Heyguys!
Maggie:
HeyMike.DadtoldmeaboutyourAinhealth.
Jason:
Yeah.ComeonMike,let'shearthosefourbasicfoodgroups!
Mike:
Yeah,maybelaterDad.I'mgonnashootafew,OK?
Maggie:
Where'sCarol?
Mike:
Upstairsinherbedroomwithafootballplayer.
Maggie:
Footballplayer?
Jason:
Oursonhasaveryweirdsenseofhumour.
Maggie:
Yeah,littlekill.
Carol:
HiMom,Dad,thisisBobby.
Bobby:
Pleasetomeetyou.
Jason:
Thefootballplayer?
Bobby:
Yeah,youheardofme?
Jason:
Yeah,Ijustdidn'tbelieveit.
Maggie:
Carol,what'sgoingonhere?
Carol:
I'mtutoringBobby.
Maggie:
Oh,wellthatmakessense.
Bobby:
Yeah.Carol'stranslatingthisShakespeareguyintoEnglish.
Maggie:
Well,nicetomeetyouBobby.
Bobby:
ThepleasurewasdistinctlymineMrs.Seaver.Mr.Seaver.
Jason:
Yo.Football.
Bobby:
Oh,Carol,I'llseeyoutomorrow.Thanksagain.
Maggie:
Niceboy.
Carol:
Yeah.
Maggie:
Certainlywaspolite.
Carol:
Yeah.
Maggie:
Andcute.
Carol:
Yeah.
Jason:
You'redoinggreatMaggie.
Maggie:
So,whatdoyouthinkofhim?
Carol:
Oh,Mom.I'mjusttutoringhim.He'snotmytype,OK?
Iswear,Idon'tknowwhereyou'devergettheideaI'dbeattractedtobody...Bobby.
Jason:
Noreasontogetexcited,honey.
Maggie:
So,youwerealoneinyourbedroomwithaboy;sowhat?
Jason:
Ifthere'sanybodywecouldtrustinasituationlikethat,it'syou.
Maggie:
That'sright,honey.
Carol:
Youtrustme?
Jason:
Youbet.
Carol:
Whatarottenthingforyoutosay.
Jason:
Imeanwehavefaithinyou.
Carol:
Whydoeseverybodyalwaysthink,I'mgonnadotherightthing.
Maggie:
So,you'resayingthatyou'reinterestedinBobby?
Carol:
Mom.Haven'tyouheardawordI'vesaid?
HehasnoneofthequalitiesIwouldlookforinaboy.
Jason:
Well,whatarethosequalities?
Carol:
He'dhavetobeanintellectual;atleastassmartasIam,ifnotsmarter.He'dhavetosensitiveandvulnerabletoo,withafullunderstandingoftheuniverse,andourplaceinit.
Jason:
Well,we'resafe.She'seliminatedeverybodybutKarlSagin.
(Inclass)
Teacher:
"Whatsoftwhitelight,throughyonderwindowbreaks?
Itisthe..."Whatdoyouwant?
Pupil:
Canyouexplainwhatthatmeans?
Teacher:
Well,it'sananalogy,whereinShakespearelikensthepresenceofJuliettothatoftherisingsun.Youchucklehead!
OK,Iwantyoutoreadthefirstactof"MuchAdoAboutNothing",andbepreparedtotalkaboutwhatallthe...err..."do"isabout.
Friend:
Ohgreat,morehomework.It'sonlyTuesdayandI'malreadygettingbehind.
Friend2:
Speakingofgettingbehind,doesanyonewannagowatchtheboys'swimteampracticeafterschool?
Carol:
Thatissodumb.
Friend2:
Carol,don'tyoueverhaveanyfun?
Bobby:
Carol,I'llseeyouafterschoolatyourplace.
Carol:
OK.
Friends:
Shedoes!
Friend2:
So,likewhatisthisBobbyWinettesituation?
Carol:
There'snosituation,I'mjusttutoringhim.
Friend:
Oh,wellwhatfigures.
Carol:
Andwhatisthatsupposedtomean?
Friend:
Well,Idon'tknow.
Friend2:
Oh,comeonCarol,don'thaveacow!
Everybodyknows……you'reimmaculate.
Carol:
Immaculate?
Friend:
Youknow,wholesome.Well,thereareworsethingstobe...errm...likefat.
Carol:
Well,foryourinformat
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