读后续写:人鸟情未了、学案-2023届高考英语二轮复习.docx
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读后续写:人鸟情未了、学案-2023届高考英语二轮复习.docx
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1
续写原文&细节分析
Iwasinvitedtoacookoutonanoldfriend’sfarminwesternWashington.Iparkedmycaroutsidethefarmandwalkedpastamilkinghousewhichhadapparentlynotbeenusedinmanyyears.Anoiseatawindowcaughtmyattention,soIenteredit.Itwasahummingbird(蜂鸟),desperatelytryingtoescape.Shewascoveredinspider-webs(蛛网)andwasbarelyabletomoveherwings.SheceasedherstruggletheinstantIpickedherup.
Withthebirdinmycuppedhand,Ilookedaroundtoseehowshehadgottenin.Thebrokenwindowglasswasthelikelyanswer.Istuffedapieceofclothintotheholeandtookheroutside,closingthedoorsecurelybehindme.
细节分析1:
mainplot:
我去好友的农场野炊,路遇一只误入牛奶房然后被蛛网困住的蜂鸟,我救了她。
maincharacters:
I,thehummingbird(she),myoldfriends
where:
myold friend’sfarminwestWashington,amilkinghousewithabrokenwindowglass
Thecharacterof“I”:
细心,有爱心
WhenIopenedmyhand,thebirddidnotflyaway;shesatlookingatmewithherbrighteyes.Iremovedthestickyspider-websthatcoveredherheadandwings.Still,shemadenoattempttofly.Perhapsshehadbeenstrugglingagainstthewindowtoolongandwastootired?
Ortoothirsty?
AsIcarriedheruptheblackberry-linedpathtowardmycarwhereIkeptawaterbottle,shebegantomove.Istopped,andshesoontookwingbutdidnotimmediatelyflyaway.
Hovering(悬停),sheapproachedwithinsixinchesofmyface.Foraverylongmoment,thistinycreaturelookedintomyeyes,turningherheadfromsidetoside.Thensheflewquicklyoutofsight.
细节分析2:
mainplot:
我救出蜂鸟后,她没有立刻飞走,而是停留了一会儿,仔细地看了我一会儿
Whydidn’tthebirdflyimmediately?
惊魂稍定; 记住“我”的样子,好好道别,可能还会再来找“我”,感谢“我”
Thecharacterofthehummingbird:
聪明,通人性,感恩
Place&Time:
Theblackberry-linedpath,summer
Duringthecookout,Itoldmyhostsaboutthehummingbirdincident.Theypromisedtofixthewindow.AsIwasdeparting,myfriendswalkedmetomycar.Iwasstandingbythecarwhenahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupandbeganhovering.Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenletoutasqueakingcallandwasgone.Foramoment,allwerespeechless.Thensomeonesaid,“Shemusthavecometosaygoodbye.”
细节分析3:
mainplot:
主人答应修好窗户,“我”离开的时候蜂鸟再出现
Whydidthehummingbirdflytofindme?
Shemusthavecometosaygoodbye.
Paragraph1:
Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.
Paragraph2:
Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.
基于上文、细节分析和段首句,回答下列问题:
Q1:
Whatmight“I”dothesecondtime“I”wenttothefarm?
A1:
Tocookoutandtalkwith“my”oldfriends
Q2:
Whydidthehummingbirdappearagain?
Whatmighthappen?
A2:
Shemayflytothankmeandinteractwithme.
Q3:
Whatdetailsinthepassagemightbeechoedinthecontinuouswriting?
A3:
Whetherthebrokenwindowwasfixed,thedetailedplacesandtime
2
审题
WHEN:
Summer,inthedaytime
WHERE:
themilkinghouse,theblackberry-linedpath,thefarm
WHAT:
“我”救了被蛛网困住的蜂鸟,蜂鸟感谢“我”
TOPIC:
人与自然主题语境—人帮助小动物,小动物感恩;人和小动物之间的友谊
CONFLICT(待解决的问题):
破窗是否修好了;“我”和蜂鸟的故事怎么继续
整理原文中关于蜂鸟的细节描写:
出场:
Itwasahummingbird(蜂鸟),desperatelytryingtoescape.Shewascoveredinspider-webs(蛛网)andwasbarelyableto moveherwings.
互动:
Shesat lookingatmewithherbrighteyes. Hovering(悬停),sheapproachedwithinsixinchesofmyface.Thistinycreature lookedinto myeyes,turningherheadfromsidetoside.Ahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupand beganhovering.Sheagain lookeddirectlyintomyeyes,then letoutasqueakingcall andwasgone. (注意看标粗重复出现的表达)
3
情节框架构建(不唯一)
Paragraph1:
Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.
【I】又路过milkinghouse,看到brokenwindow已经被修好了
【I】安心地去和朋友们cookout,朋友们提到蜂鸟最近每天都飞来,好像在找我
【I】听到的反应,但cookout结束了,我准备离开时蜂鸟却还没出现
Paragraph2:
Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.
【hummingbird】出场的描写
【I】的反应:
开心,感动,和蜂鸟互动,蜂鸟表达感谢
【点题】升华主旨:
人和自然界小动物的缘分和感情
由于篇幅有限,以上分析完文章后,以下重点和大家分享续写第二段中蜂鸟出场的描写和“我”与蜂鸟的互动。
【Hummingbird】出场的描写
中文句子:
伴随着越来越近的翅膀煽动的嗡嗡声,我意识到她来了!
我抬头一看,她悬停在我的前方。
英文表达:
听觉+视觉:
蜂鸟的嗡嗡声+蜂鸟的眼睛
1.With afamiliarbuzzingsound声音approaching,Irealizeditwasher!
Lookingup,I sawasmallfigure视觉hoveringintheair原文表达 whose brighteyes原文表达werefixedonmyface.
2.Apparently,thefamiliarandapproachingbuzzingsoundannouncedherappearance.ThemomentIlookedup,asmallfigure leapedtotheeye映入眼帘. Thebrighteyes!
原文表达 Itwasher!
听觉+视觉:
蜂鸟煽动翅膀的声音+蜂鸟的眼睛
3.Hearing thefluttering煽动 ofwings声音,Ilookeduptoseemylovelylittlefriend hovering原文表达 nearmewithher eyes,asbrightasbefore原文表达,fixedonme.Shewassosmallanddelicate,yetfulloflifeandenergy.
触觉+听觉+视觉:
风吹过+蜂鸟吱吱叫的声音+蜂鸟俯冲过来停在树枝上
4.Ifelt agustofwind一阵风 beforeafamiliarandmerry愉快的squeakingcall原文表达 cameintomyears.Itwasher!
NosoonerhadIraisedupmyheadthanatinycreature swooped俯冲towardsme and landedonatwig树枝 justaninchbeforeme.
【I】和蜂鸟互动描写
场景一:
蜂鸟衔了东西回来,和我表达感谢
中文句子1:
我一看见她就忍不住笑起来。
她在我的肩膀上停下,口中衔着一朵茉莉花,我伸出手,她轻轻地把花放在我手心,然后用头蹭了蹭我的脖子,高兴地叫了一声,飞走了。
英文表达1:
外貌(颜色、形状、标志性器官)+动作(小孩般撒娇的)+特有声音
1.Icouldn’tresistsmilingatthesightofher,marvelingat惊叹 hertinybodyandtheiridescentgreen荧光绿ofherfeather. Shelandedonmyshoulder withjasmine茉莉花inherbeak喙. Ireachedoutandshe dropped herthank-yougiftinmypalmtenderly,then rubbed蹭 herheadagainstmyneck.“Goodgirl,nicetoseeyouagain,”Isaid,stroking轻抚hergently.Asifunderstandingmywords,sheletoutahigh-pitched声调高的 chirp叽喳声 asaresponse,then whirred呼呼作声地飞 away.
场景二:
蜂鸟没衔东西回来,和我表达感谢
中文句子2:
我伸出手,她停在我的手指上。
她用同样闪闪发光的眼神看我。
我们看着彼此,我感到了我们之间的联系。
英文表达2:
和动物互动:
安静版—对视、感受双方的连接;活动版—聊天、拥抱、抚摸
1.Outofecstasy狂喜,Ireachedoutmyfingerforhertorestwhenmytinyfriend studied仔细看mewiththesamesparklingandpleasanteyes. Foramoment,wesimplystaredateachother, enjoyingthequietconnection.
总结
积累的语料有限时,怎么“糊弄”动物描写?
找原文!
把原文关于这个动物的细节描写找出来,灵活地运用到自己的写作中。
语料积累足够,但怎么把动物写得栩栩如生人见人爱?
1. 把动物当小朋友写,把小朋友的一些特征行为安排到动物身上。
如贪吃、爱撒娇、信任人、傻乎乎地乐呵,但是注意,重点是要搭配ta们美好善良的品质。
2. 从“五感”的角度写。
视觉角度写动物的外貌、听觉角度写动物特有的声音、触觉角度写和动物的拥抱抚摸互动等。
下水作文:
Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain. Havingparkedmycar,Iwalkedstraighttothedesertedmilkinghouseandnoticedthebrokenwindowwasnewlyfixed.Peeringin,luckily,Ididn’tcomeacrossonemoremisguidedhummingbird.Afterthe“safetycheck”,itwasthecookouttime.Withthesmellofroastedfoodwaftingintheair,myfriendsandIchattedagreeably.“Andguesswhat?
”thehostssaid,“Ahummingbirdfliesoverhereeveryday.Maybeit’syouroldfriend!
”Surprisedandmoved,Ihopedinwardlytoseemylittlefriendonceagain.Butuntilmyfriendswalkedtomycar,shestillhadn’tappeared.99词
Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared. Apparently,thefamiliarbuzzingsoundannouncedherappearance.ThemomentIlookedup,Isawbrighteyes.Itwasher!
Icouldn’thelpbutbeamatthesightofmytinyfriend,whoperchedonmyshoulderwithjasmineinherbeak.“Yourthank-yougift?
”Iaskedinasofttonewhilereachingouttoreceiveit.Asifunderstandingmyquestion,sheletoutahigh-pitchedsqueakandrubbedherheadagainstmyjaw.“Whatamiracle!
”someoneexclaimed,“Asmallactofkindnessbuiltaprofoundbondbetweenhumanbeingsandanimals.”94
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