绝望主妇第一季第一集台词汇编.docx
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绝望主妇第一季第一集台词汇编.docx
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绝望主妇第一季第一集台词汇编
NARRATOR:
MynameisMaryAliceYoung.Whenyoureadthismorning'spaper,youmaycomeacrossanarticleabouttheunusualdayIhadlastweek.Normally,there'sneveranythingnewsworthyaboutmylife.ThatallchangedlastThursday.Ofcourseeverythingseemedasnormalatfirst.Imademybreakfastformyfamily.
MARYALICE:
:
Hereweare.Waffles.
NARRATOR:
Iperformedmychores.
NARRATOR:
Icompletedmyprojects.
NARRATOR:
Iranmyerrands
NARRATOR:
Intruth,IspentthedayasIspendeveryotherday-quietlypolishingtheroutineofmylifeuntilitgleamedwithperfection.
NARRATOR:
That'swhyitwassoastonishingwhenIdecidedtogotomyhallwayclosettoretrievearevolverthathadneverbeenused.
NARRATOR:
Mybodywasdiscoveredbymyneighbour,Mrs.MarthaHuber,whohadbeenstartledbyastrangepoppingsound.Hercuriosityaroused,Mrs.Hubertriedtothinkofareasonfordroppinginonmeunannounced.Aftersomeinitialhesitation,shedecidedtoreturntheblendershehadborrowedfromme6monthsbefore.
MRSHUBER:
(onthephone)It'smyneighbour.Ithinkshe'sbeenshot,there'sbloodeverywhere.Yes,you'vegottosendanambulance.You'vegottosendonerightnow!
NARRATOR:
Andforamoment,Mrs.Huberstoodmotionlessinherkitchen,grief-strickenbythissenselesstragedy.But,onlyforamoment.
NARRATOR:
IftherewasonethingMrs.Huberwasknownfor,itwasherabilitytolookonthebrightside.
NARRATOR:
IwaslaidtorestonaMonday.Afterthefuneral,alltheresidentsofWisteriaLanecametopaytheirrespects.Andaspeopledointhissituation,theybroughtfood.
NARRATOR:
LynetteScavobroughtfriedchicken.Lynettehadagreatfamilyrecipeforfriedchicken.
NARRATOR:
Ofcourse,shedidn'tcookmuchasshewasmovingupthecorporateladder.Shedidn'thavethetime.
NARRATOR:
ButwhenherdoctorannouncedLynettewaspregnant,herhusbandTomhadanidea.Whynotquityourjob?
Kidsdomuchbetterwithstayathomemums;itwassomuchlessstressful.
NARRATOR:
Butthiswasnotthecase.
NARRATOR:
Infact,Lynette'slifehadbecomesohecticshewasnowforcedtogetherchickenfromafastfoodrestaurant.Lynettewouldhaveappreciatedtheironyofitifshestoppedtothinkaboutit,butshecouldn't.Shedidn'thavethetime.
LYNETTE:
Hey,hey,hey,hey!
LYNETTE:
Stopit,stopit,stopit.Stopit.
PRESTON:
ButMom!
LYNETTE:
No,youaregoingtobehavetoday.Iamnotgoingtobehumiliatedinfrontoftheentireneighbourhood.And,justsoyouknowhowseriousIam...
PRESTON:
What'sthat?
LYNETTE:
Santa'scell-phonenumber.
PORTER:
How'dyougetthat?
LYNETTE:
Iknowsomeone,whoknowssomeone,whoknowsanelf.Andifanyoneofyouactsup,sohelpme,IwillcallSantaandtellhimyouwantsocksforChristmas.Youwillingtoriskthat?
SCAVOkids:
Uh-uh!
LYNETTE:
Okay.
LYNETTE:
Let'sgetthisoverwith.
NARRATOR:
GabrielleSolis,wholivesdowntheblock,broughtaspicypaella.
NARRATOR:
SincehermodellingdaysinNewYork,Gabriellehaddevelopedatasteforrichfoodandrichmen.Carlos,whoworkedinmergersandacquisitions,proposedontheirthirddate.Gabriellewastouchedwhentearswelledupinhiseyes.
NARRATOR:
ButshesoondiscoveredthishappenedeverytimeCarlosclosedabigdeal.
NARRATOR:
Gabriellelikedherpaellapipinghot.However,herrelationshipwithherhusbandwasconsiderablycooler.
CARLOS:
IfyoutalktoAlMasonatthisthing,IwantyoutocasuallymentionhowmuchIpaidforyournecklace.
GABRIELLE:
Whydon'tIjustpinthereceipttomychest?
CARLOS:
Heletmeknowhowmuchhepaidforhiswife'snewconvertible.Look,justworkitintotheconversation.
GABRIELLE:
There'snowayIcanjustworkthatin,Carlos.
CARLOS:
Whynot?
AttheDonohueparty,everyonewastalkingaboutmutualfunds.AndyoufoundawaytomentionyousleptwithhalftheYankeeoutfield.
GABRIELLE:
I'mtellingyou,itcameupinthecontextoftheconversation.
CARLOS:
Hey,peoplearestartingtostare.Canyoukeepyourvoicedownplease?
GABRIELLE:
(sigh)Absolutely.Wouldn'twantthemtothinkwe'renothappy.
NARRATOR:
BreeVanDeKamp,wholivesnextdoor,broughtbasketsofmuffinsshebakedfromscratch.Breewasknownforhercooking.
NARRATOR:
Andformakingherownclothes.
NARRATOR:
Andfordoingherowngardening.
NARRATOR:
Andforreupholsteringherownfurniture.
NARRATOR:
Yes,Bree'smanytalentswereknownthroughouttheneighbourhood.AndeveryoneonWisteriaLanethoughtofBreeastheperfectwifeandmother.Everyone,thatis,exceptherownfamily.
BREE:
Paul,Zachary.
ZACH:
HelloMrs.VanDeKamp.
PAUL:
Bree,youshouldn'thavegonetoallthistrouble.
BREE:
Itwasnotroubleatall.NowthebasketwiththeredribbonPAUL:
Thankyou.
BREE:
Well,theleastIcoulddoismakesureyouboyshadadecentmealtolookforwardtointhemorning.Iknowyou'reoutofyourmindswithgrief.
PAUL:
Yes,weare.
BREE:
(beat)Ofcourse,Iwillneedthebasketsbackonceyou'redone.
PAUL:
Ofcourse.
NARRATOR:
SusanMeyer,wholivesacrossthestreet,broughtmacaroniandcheese.HerhusbandCarlalwaysteasedherabouthermacaroni,sayingitwastheonlythingsheknewhowtocook,andsherarelymadeitwell.ItwastoosaltythenightsheandCarlmovedintotheirnewhouse.
NARRATOR:
ItwastoowaterythenightshefoundlipstickonCarl'sshirt.
NARRATOR:
SheburneditthenightCarltoldherhewasleavingherforhissecretary.
NARRATOR:
Ayearhadpassedsincethedivorce.Susanwasstartingtothinkhowniceitwouldbetohaveamaninherlife,evenonewhowouldmakefunofhercooking.
JULIE:
Mom,whywouldsomeonekillthemselves?
SUSAN:
Well,sometimespeoplearesounhappytheythinkit'stheonlywaytheycansolvetheirproblems.
JULIE:
ButMrs.Youngalwaysseemedhappy.
SUSAN:
Yeah,sometimespeoplepretendtobeonewayontheoutsideandthey'retotallydifferentontheinside.
JULIE:
OhyoumeanhowDad'sgirlfriendisalwayssmilingandsaysnicethingsbutdeepdownyoujustknowshe'sabitch.
SUSAN:
Idon'tlikethatword,Julie.Butyeah,that'sagreatexample.
JULIE:
Hey,what'sgoingon?
SUSAN:
SorryI'mlate.
GABRIELLE:
HiSusan.
LYNETTE:
(smilesatSUSAN)Hey.
MARYALICE:
So?
WhatdidCarlsaywhenyouconfrontedhim?
SUSAN:
You'lllovethis,hesaiditdoesn'tmeananything,itwasjustsex.
BREE:
Ohyes,pageoneofthephilanderer'shandbook.
SUSAN:
Yeah,andthenhegotthisZenlookonhisface,andhesaid,youknowSusan,mostmenlivelivesofquietdesperation.
LYNETTE:
Pleasetellmeyoupunchedhim.
SUSAN:
No,Isaid,really?
Andwhatdomostwomenlead,livesofnoisyfulfillment?
GABRIELLE:
Hmm.
MARYALICE:
Goodforyou.
SUSAN:
Imean,ofallpeople,didhehavetobanghissecretary?
Ihadthatwomanoverforbrunch.GABRIELLE:
It'slikemygrandmotheralwayssaid,anerectpenisdoesn'thaveaconscience.
LYNETTE:
Eventhelimponesaren'tthatethical.
BREE:
ThisishalfthereasonIjoinedtheNRA.(SUSANlooksather.)Well,whenRexstartedgoingtothosemedicalconferences,Iwantedatthebackofhismindthathehadalovingwifeathome,withaloadedSmithandWesson.
MARYALICE:
Lynnie?
Tom'salwaysawayonbusiness.Doyoueverworryhemight..?
LYNETTE:
Oh,please,theman'sgottenmepregnantthreetimesinfouryears.Iwishhewashavingsexwithsomeoneelse.(smiles)
BREE:
SoSusan,ishegoingtostopseeingthatwoman?
SUSAN:
Idon'tknow.I'msorryyouguys,Ijust...Ijustdon'tknowhowI'mgoingtosurvivethis.
MARYALICE:
Listentome.Weallhavemomentsofdesperation.Butifwecanfacethemheadon,that'showwefindoutjusthowstrongwereallyare.
BREE:
Susan?
Susan.IwasjustsayingPaulwantsustogooveronFriday.HeneedsustogothroughMaryAlice'scloset,andhelppackupherthings.Hesayshecan'tfacedoingitbyhimself.
SUSAN:
Sure,that'sfine.
BREE:
AreyouOK?
SUSAN:
Yeah.I'mjustsoangry.IfMaryAlicewashavingproblems,sheshouldhavecometous;sheshouldhaveletushelpher.
GABRIELLE:
Whatkindofproblemscouldshehavehad?
Shewashealthy,hadagreathome,anicefamily.Herlifewas?
-
LYNETTE:
-ourlife.
GABRIELLE:
No,ifMaryAlicewashavingsomesortofcrisis,we'dhaveknown.Shelives50feetaway,forgod'ssakes.
SUSAN:
Gabby,thewomankilledherself.Somethingmust'vebeengoingon.
SUSAN:
Oh,Iwouldn'teatthatifIwereyou.
MIKE:
Why?
SUSAN:
Imadeit,trustme.Hey,hey,doyouhaveadeathwish?
MIKE:
No,Ijustrefusetobelievethatanybodycanscrewupmacaroniandcheese.
MIKE:
Ohmygod.Howdidyou?
ittasteslikeit'sburntandundercooked.
SUSAN:
Yeah,Igetthatalot.Hereyougo.
MIKE:
Thanks.I'mMikeDelfino,IjustrentedouttheSim'shousenextdoor.
SUSAN:
SusanMeyer,Iliveacrossthestreet.
MIKE:
Ohyeah,Mrs.Hubertoldmeaboutyou,saidyouillustratechildren'sbooks
SUSAN:
YeahI'mverybigwiththeunder5set.(MIKElaughs)Whatdoyoudo?
MIKE:
Plumber.Soifyoueverhaveaclog.Orsomething.
SUSAN:
(laughs)Nowthateverybody'sseenthatI'vebroughtsomething,Ishouldprobablyjustthrowthisout.
LYNETTE:
(tobaby)Ow!
Easeup,youlittlevampire.
MRS.HUBER:
Lynette!
I'vebeenlookingalloverforyou.
LYNETTE:
Oh.
MRS.HUBER:
Areyouawareofwhatyoursonsaredoing?
SCAVOkids:
Stop.Arrrggggh.Hah!
LYNETTE:
Whatareyoudoing!
?
Weareatawake!
PRESTON:
Whenwegothere,yousaidwecouldgointhepool.
LYNETTE:
Isaidyoucouldgobythepool.Doyouhaveyourswimsuitson?
?
PORTER:
Yeah,weputthemonunderourclothesjustbeforeweleft.
LYNETTE:
Youthreeplannedthis?
?
Alright,that'sit.Getout!
PORTER:
No!
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