TED英语演讲如何在说话时表现出你的专业性.docx
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TED英语演讲如何在说话时表现出你的专业性.docx
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TED英语演讲如何在说话时表现出你的专业性
TED英语演讲:
如何在说话时表现出你的专业性
放声说话并不是一件容易的事情,哥伦比亚大学商学院教授AdamGalinsky通过心理研究想出了许多解决这一问题的办法。
下面是小编为大家收集关于TED英语演讲:
如何在说话时表现出你的专业性,欢迎借鉴参考。
演说题目:
如何在说话时表现出你的专业性?
演说者:
AdamGalinsky
演讲稿
Speakingupishardtodo.Iunderstoodthetruemeaningofthisphraseexactlyonemonthago,whenmywifeandIbecamenewparents.Itwasanamazingmoment.Itwasexhilaratingandelating,butitwasalsoscaryandterrifying.Anditgotparticularlyterrifyingwhenwegothomefromthehospital,andwewereunsurewhetherourlittlebabyboywasgettingenoughnutrientsfrombreastfeeding.Andwewantedtocallourpediatrician,butwealsodidn'twanttomakeabadfirstimpressionorcomeacrossasacrazy,neuroticparent.Soweworried.Andwewaited.Whenwegottothedoctor'sofficethenextday,sheimmediatelygavehimformulabecausehewasprettydehydrated.Oursonisfinenow,andourdoctorhasreassureduswecanalwayscontacther.Butinthatmoment,Ishould'vespokenup,butIdidn't.
Butsometimeswespeakupwhenweshouldn't,andIlearnedthatover10yearsagowhenIletmytwinbrotherdown.Mytwinbrotherisadocumentaryfilmmaker,andforoneofhisfirstfilms,hegotanofferfromadistributioncompany.Hewasexcited,andhewasinclinedtoaccepttheoffer.Butasanegotiationsresearcher,Iinsistedhemakeacounteroffer,andIhelpedhimcrafttheperfectone.Anditwasperfect--itwasperfectlyinsulting.Thecompanywassooffended,theyliterallywithdrewtheofferandmybrotherwasleftwithnothing.
AndI'veaskedpeopleallovertheworldaboutthisdilemmaofspeakingup:
whentheycanassertthemselves,whentheycanpushtheirinterests,whentheycanexpressanopinion,whentheycanmakeanambitiousask.
Andtherangeofstoriesarevariedanddiverse,buttheyalsomakeupauniversaltapestry.CanIcorrectmybosswhentheymakeamistake?
CanIconfrontmycoworkerwhokeepssteppingonmytoes?
CanIchallengemyfriend'sinsensitivejoke?
CanItellthepersonIlovethemostmydeepestinsecurities?
Andthroughtheseexperiences,I'vecometorecognizethateachofushavesomethingcalledarangeofacceptablebehavior.Now,sometimeswe'retoostrong;wepushourselvestoomuch.That'swhathappenedwithmybrother.Evenmakinganofferwasoutsidehisrangeofacceptablebehavior.Butsometimeswe'retooweak.That'swhathappenedwithmywifeandI.Andthisrangeofacceptablebehaviors--whenwestaywithinourrange,we'rerewarded.Whenwestepoutsidethatrange,wegetpunishedinavarietyofways.Wegetdismissedordemeanedorevenostracized.Orwelosethatraiseorthatpromotionorthatdeal.
Now,thefirstthingweneedtoknowis:
Whatismyrange?
Butthekeythingis,ourrangeisn'tfixed;it'sactuallyprettydynamic.Itexpandsanditnarrowsbasedonthecontext.Andthere'sonethingthatdeterminesthatrangemorethananythingelse,andthat'syourpower.Yourpowerdeterminesyourrange.Whatispower?
Powercomesinlotsofforms.Innegotiations,itcomesintheformofalternatives.Somybrotherhadnoalternatives;helackedpower.Thecompanyhadlotsofalternatives;theyhadpower.Sometimesit'sbeingnewtoacountry,likeanimmigrant,ornewtoanorganizationornewtoanexperience,likemywifeandIasnewparents.Sometimesit'satwork,wheresomeone'sthebossandsomeone'sthesubordinate.Sometimesit'sinrelationships,whereoneperson'smoreinvestedthantheotherperson.
Andthekeythingisthatwhenwehavelotsofpower,ourrangeisverywide.Wehavealotofleewayinhowtobehave.Butwhenwelackpower,ourrangenarrows.Wehaveverylittleleeway.Theproblemisthatwhenourrangenarrows,thatproducessomethingcalledthelow-powerdoublebind.Thelow-powerdoublebindhappenswhen,ifwedon'tspeakup,wegounnoticed,butifwedospeakup,wegetpunished.
Now,manyofyouhaveheardthephrasethe"doublebind"andconnecteditwithonething,andthat'sgender.Thegenderdoublebindiswomenwhodon'tspeakupgounnoticed,andwomenwhodospeakupgetpunished.Andthekeythingisthatwomenhavethesameneedasmentospeakup,buttheyhavebarrierstodoingso.Butwhatmyresearchhasshownoverthelasttwodecadesisthatwhatlookslikeagenderdifferenceisnotreallyagenderdoublebind,it'sareallyalow-powerdoublebind.Andwhatlookslikeagenderdifferencearereallyoftenjustpowerdifferencesindisguise.Oftentimesweseeadifferencebetweenamanandawomanormenandwomen,andthink,"Biologicalcause.There'ssomethingfundamentallydifferentaboutthesexes."Butinstudyafterstudy,I'vefoundthatabetterexplanationformanysexdifferencesisreallypower.Andsoit'sthelow-powerdoublebind.Andthelow-powerdoublebindmeansthatwehaveanarrowrange,andwelackpower.Wehaveanarrowrange,andourdoublebindisverylarge.
Soweneedtofindwaystoexpandourrange.Andoverthelastcoupledecades,mycolleaguesandIhavefoundtwothingsreallymatter.Thefirst:
youseempowerfulinyourowneyes.Thesecond:
youseempowerfulintheeyesofothers.WhenIfeelpowerful,Ifeelconfident,notfearful;Iexpandmyownrange.Whenotherpeopleseemeaspowerful,theygrantmeawiderrange.Soweneedtoolstoexpandourrangeofacceptablebehavior.AndI'mgoingtogiveyouasetoftoolstoday.Speakingupisrisky,butthesetoolswillloweryourriskofspeakingup.
ThefirsttoolI'mgoingtogiveyougotdiscoveredinnegotiationsinanimportantfinding.Onaverage,womenmakelessambitiousoffersandgetworseoutcomesthanmenatthebargainingtable.ButHannahRileyBowlesandEmilyAmanatullahhavediscoveredthere'sonesituationwherewomengetthesameoutcomesasmenandarejustasambitious.That'swhentheyadvocateforothers.Whentheyadvocateforothers,theydiscovertheirownrangeandexpanditintheirownmind.Theybecomemoreassertive.Thisissometimescalled"themamabeareffect."Likeamamabeardefendinghercubs,whenweadvocateforothers,wecandiscoverourownvoice.
Butsometimes,wehavetoadvocateforourselves.Howdowedothat?
Oneofthemostimportanttoolswehavetoadvocateforourselvesissomethingcalledperspective-taking.Andperspective-takingisreallysimple:
it'ssimplylookingattheworldthroughtheeyesofanotherperson.It'soneofthemostimportanttoolswehavetoexpandourrange.WhenItakeyourperspective,andIthinkaboutwhatyoureallywant,you'remorelikelytogivemewhatIreallywant.
Buthere'stheproblem:
perspective-takingishardtodo.Solet'sdoalittleexperiment.Iwantyoualltoholdyourhandjustlikethis:
yourfinger--putitup.AndIwantyoutodrawacapitalletterEonyourforeheadasquicklyaspossible.OK,itturnsoutthatwecandrawthisEinoneoftwoways,andthiswasoriginallydesignedasatestofperspective-taking.I'mgoingtoshowyoutwopicturesofsomeonewithanEontheirforehead--myformerstudent,ErikaHall.Andyoucanseeoverhere,that'sthecorrectE.IdrewtheEsoitlookslikeanEtoanotherperson.That'stheperspective-takingEbecauseitlookslikeanEfromsomeoneelse'svantagepoint.ButthisEoverhereistheself-focusedE.Weoftengetself-focused.Andweparticularlygetself-focusedinacrisis.
Iwanttotellyouaboutaparticularcrisis.AmanwalksintoabankinWatsonville,California.Andhesays,"Giveme$2,000,orI'mblowingthewholebankupwithabomb."Now,thebankmanagerdidn'tgivehimthemoney.Shetookastepback.Shetookhisperspective,andshenoticedsomethingreallyimportant.Heaskedforaspecificamountofmoney.
Soshesaid,"Whydidyouaskfor$2,000?
"
Andhesaid,"MyfriendisgoingtobeevictedunlessIgethim$2,000immediately."
Andshesaid,"Oh!
Youdon'twanttorobthebank--youwanttotakeoutaloan."
"Whydon'tyoucomebacktomyoffice,andwecanhaveyoufilloutthepaperwork."
Now,herquickperspective-takingdefusedavolatilesituation.Sowhenwetakesomeone'sperspective,itallowsustobeambitiousandassertive,butstillbelikable.
Here'sanotherwaytobeassertivebutstillbelikable,andthatistosignalflexibility.Now,imagineyou'reacarsalesperson,andyouwanttosellsomeoneacar.You'regoingtomorelikelymakethesaleifyougivethemtwooptions.Let'ssayoptionA:
$24,000forthiscarandafive-yearwarranty.OroptionB:
$23,000andathree-yearwarranty.Myresearchshowsthatwhenyougivepeopleachoiceamongoptions,itlowerstheirdefenses,andthey'remorelikelytoacceptyouroffer.
Andthisdoesn'tjustworkwithsalespeople;itworkswithparents.Whenmyniecewasfour,sheresistedgettingdressedandrejectedeverything.Butthenmysister-in-lawhadabrilliantidea.WhatifIgavemydaughterachoice?
Thisshirtorthatshirt?
OK,thatshirt.Thispantorthatpant?
OK,thatpant.Anditworkedbrilliantly.Shegotdressedquicklyandwithoutresistance.
WhenI'veaskedthequestionaroundtheworldwhenpeoplefeelcomfortablespeakingup,thenumberoneansweris:
"WhenIhavesocialsupportinmyaudience;whenIhaveallies."Sowewanttogetalliesonourside.Howdowedothat?
Well,oneofthewaysisbeamamabear.Whenweadvocateforothers,weexpandourrangeinourowneyesandtheeyesofothers,butwealsoearnstrongallies.
Anotherwaywecanearnstrongallies,especiallyinhighplaces,isbyaskingotherpeopleforadvice.Whenweaskothersforadvice,theylikeusbecauseweflatterthem,andwe'reexpressinghumility.Andthisreallyworkstosolveanotherdoublebind.Andthat'stheself-promotiondoublebind.Theself-promotiondoublebindisthatifwedo
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