笑话to李孟艺.docx
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笑话to李孟艺.docx
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笑话to李孟艺
CanIbringmydog?
Amanwrotealettertoasmallhotelheplannedtovisitonhisvacation:
"Iwouldverymuchliketobringmydogwithme.Heiswell-groomedandverywellbehaved.Wouldyoubewillingtopermitmetokeephiminmyroomwithmeatnight?
"
Animmediatereplycamefromthehotelowner,whosaid,"I'vebeenoperatingthishotelformanyyears.Inallthattime,I'veneverhadadogstealtowels,bedclothes,silverwareorpicturesoffthewalls.I'veneverhadtoevictadoginthemiddleofthenightforbeingdrunkanddisorderly.AndI'veneverhadadogrunoutonahotelbill.Yes,indeed,yourdogiswelcomeatmyhotel.And,ifyourdogwillvouchforyou,you'rewelcometostayhere,too."
《狗住旅店》
一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信,“我非常希望带着我的狗,它很干净很有教养,你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?
”
旅馆主人立即回了封信,“我经营旅馆很多年了,狗从没偷过毛巾,床单,餐具,或者墙上的画。
我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它,狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。
实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆,如果它为您担保,也欢迎您来。
Threeturtles
Threeturtlesdecidedtohaveacupofcoffee.
Justastheygotintothecafe,itstartedtorain.
Thebiggestturtlesaidtothesmallestone,"Gohomeandgettheumbrella."
Thelittleturtlereplied,"Iwill,ifyoudon'tdrinkmyoffee."
"Wewon't,"theothertwopromised.
Twoyearslaterthebigturtlesaidtothemiddleturtle,"Well,Iguessheisn'tcomingback,sowemightaswelldrinkhiscoffee."
Justthenavoicecalledfromoutsidethedoor,"Ifyoudo,Iwon'tgo."
TheReasonofBeingLate
Teacher:
Johnny,whyareyoulateforschooleverymorning?
Johnny:
EverytimeIcometothecorner,aguidepost(路牌)says,'School--GoSlow'.
AnintroductionofYangMi
ManypeoplebelievethatlifehassmiledtoYangMi(杨幂):
attheageof4,sheactedherfirstTVplayrole;at16,shebecameamodelforafashionmagazine;at18,shewenttoherdreamcollege——BeijingFilmAcademy.
Lastyear,the24-year-oldactressplayedbadgirlLuoQingchuaninthetime-travellingTVplay,Palace.TheplaybecameabigsuccessandmadeYangveryfamous.Thenumberofhermicroblogfollowersincreasedfromseveralthousandtomorethantomorethan3millionovernight.
Issheverylucky?
Yangdoesn’tthinkthatluckhasanythingtodowithhersuccess.Shepreparesherwayallbyherself.“EverychancecomesfromtheeffortsI’vemade,”saysYang.Infact,mostpeoplethinkshe’sveryhard-working.
CaptainAmerica
SteveRogers,oryoucancallhimCaptainAmerica,likewhateveryonehascalled,isasoiderduringtheWorldWarII.Oncehewastinymanwhowasnotqualifiedtojointhearmy,buthefinallywonthechancetodevotehiscountrywithhiscourageandpatriotism.Afterinjectingaspecialkindofmedicament(药剂),hebecamestrongerthananyothercommonpeopleandledhisteamtofightforthevictoryofthewar!
Popmusic
Pop music, in popular and contemporary parlance, is a subgenre of popular music.Pop music is generally described as very commercial friendly, marketable and memorable, with either vocals, lyrics, instruments, or a combination of all three creating catchy choruses or verses. Pop music is also known for its ability to attract listeners through its versatile sound since it pulls from a plethora of musical influences. It can be also fair to say that pop music is predominantly image driven, especially through the subject matter of the lyrics, live performances, music videos, and other forms of exposure which makes it favourable and unfavourable to whoever is the listener.
TheREALPRINCESS
therewasonceaPrincewhowishedtomarryaPrincess;butthenshemustbearealPrincess.Hetravelledallovertheworldinhopesoffindingsuchalady;buttherewasalwayssomethingwrong.Princesseshefoundinplenty;butwhethertheywererealPrincessesitwasimpossibleforhimtodecide,fornowonething,nowanother,seemedtohimnotquiterightabouttheladies.Atlasthereturnedtohispalacequitecastdown,becausehewishedsomuchtohavearealPrincessforhiswife.
Oneeveningafearfultempestarose,itthunderedandlightened,andtherainpoureddownfromtheskyintorrents:
besides,itwasasdarkaspitch.Allatoncetherewasheardaviolentknockingatthedoor,andtheoldKing,thePrince'sfather,wentouthimselftoopenit.
ItwasaPrincesswhowasstandingoutsidethedoor.Whatwiththerainandthewind,shewasinasadcondition;thewatertrickleddownfromherhair,andherclothesclungtoherbody.ShesaidshewasarealPrincess.
“Ah!
weshallsoonseethat!
”thoughttheoldQueen-mother;however,shesaidnotawordofwhatshewasgoingtodo;butwentquietlyintothebedroom,tookallthebed-clothesoffthebed,andputthreelittlepeasonthebedstead.Shethenlaidtwentymattressesoneuponanotheroverthethreepeas,andputtwentyfeatherbedsoverthemattresses.
UponthisbedthePrincesswastopassthenight.
thenextmorningshewasaskedhowshehadslept.“Oh,verybadlyindeed!
”shereplied.“Ihavescarcelyclosedmyeyesthewholenightthrough.Idonotknowwhatwasinmybed,butIhadsomethinghardunderme,andamalloverblackandblue.Ithashurtmesomuch!
”
NowitwasplainthattheladymustbearealPrincess,sinceshehadbeenabletofeelthethreelittlepeasthroughthetwentymattressesandtwentyfeatherbeds.NonebutarealPrincesscouldhavehadsuchadelicatesenseoffeeling.
thePrinceaccordinglymadeherhiswife;beingnowconvincedthathehadfoundarealPrincess.Thethreepeaswerehoweverputintothecabinetofcuriosities,wheretheyarestilltobeseen,providedtheyarenotlost.
Wasn'tthisaladyofrealdelicacy?
豌豆公主
从前有一位王子,他想找一位公主结婚,但她必须是一位真正的公主。
他走遍了全世界,想要寻到这样的一位公主。
可是无论他到什么地方,他总是碰到一些障碍。
公主倒有的是,不过他没有办法断定她们究竟是不是真正的公主。
她们总是有些地方不大对头。
结果,他只好回家来,心中很不快活,因为他是那么渴望着得到一位真正的公主。
有一天晚上,忽然起了一阵可怕的暴风雨。
天空在掣电,在打雷,在下着大雨。
这真有点使人害怕!
这时,有人在敲门,老国王就走过去开门。
站在城外的是一位公主。
可是,天哪!
经过了风吹雨打之后,她的样子是多么难看啊!
水沿着她的头发和衣服向下面流,流进鞋尖,又从脚跟流出来。
她说她是一个真正的公主。
“是的,这点我们马上就可以考查出来。
”老皇后心里想,可是她什么也没说。
她走进卧房,把所有的被褥都搬开,在床榻上放了一粒豌豆。
于是她取出二十床垫子,把它们压在豌豆上。
随后,她又在这些垫子上放了二十床鸭绒被。
这位公主夜里就睡在这些东西上面。
早晨大家问她昨晚睡得怎样。
“啊,不舒服极了!
”公主说,“我差不多整夜没合上眼!
天晓得我床上有件什么东西?
我睡到一块很硬的东西上面,弄得我全身发青发紫,这真怕人!
”
现在大家就看出来了。
她是一位真正的公主,因为压在这二十床垫子和二十床鸭绒被下面的一粒豌豆,她居然还能感觉得出来。
除了真正的公主以外,任何人都不会有这么嫩的皮肤的。
因此那位王子就选她为妻子了,因为现在他知道他得到了一位真正的公主。
这粒豌豆因此也就被送进了博物馆,如果没有人把它拿走的话,人们现在还可以在那儿看到它呢。
Pandora
Afterthestealingoffire,Zeusbecameincreasinglyunkindtomen.OnedayheorderedhissonHephaestustobuildanimageofabeautifulmaidenoutofclay.Hethenaskedthegodsandgoddessestoawardherwithdifferentkindsofgifts.Amongothers,AthenaclothedherinanattractivecoatandHermesgaveherthepoweroftellinglies.Acharmingyounglady,shewasthefirstwomanthateverlived.ZeuscalledherPandora.Becauseshehadreceivedfromeachofthegodsandgoddessesagift.Thegiftwasharmfultomen.
Zeusdecidedtosendherdowntomenasapresent.SoHermesthemessengerbroughthertoEpimetheus,brotherofPrometheus.Thegreatnessofherbeautytouchedtheheartsofallwholookeduponher,andEpimetheushappilyreceivedherintohishouse.HehadquiteforgottenPometheus'warning:
nevertoacceptanythingfromZeus.Thecouplelivedahappylifeforsometime.Thentroublecameontothehumanworld.
Whenhewasbusywithteachingmentheartofliving,PrometheushadleftabigcaskinthecareofEpimetheus.Hehadwarnedhisbrothernottoopenthelid.Pandorawasacuriouswoman.Shehadbeenfeelingverydisappointedthatherhusbanddidnotallowhertotakealookatthecontentsofthecask.Oneday,whenEpimetheuswasout,sheliftedthelidandoutitcameunrestandwar,Plagueandsickness,theftandviolence,griefsorrow,andalltheotherevils.Thehumanworldwashencetoexperiencetheseevils.Onlyhopestayedwithinthemouthofthejarandneverflewout.Somenalwayshavehopewithintheirhearts.
潘多拉
偷窃天火之后,宙斯对人类的敌意与日俱增。
一天,他令儿子赫菲斯托斯用泥塑一美女像,并请众神赠予她不同的礼物。
其中,雅典娜饰之以华丽的衣裳,赫耳墨斯赠之以说谎的能力。
世上的第一个女人是位迷人女郎,因为她从每位神灵那里得到了一样对男人有害的礼物,因此宙斯称她为潘多拉(pander:
意为煽动)。
宙斯决定把她作为礼物送给世间的男子。
于是信使赫耳墨斯将她带给普罗米修斯的弟弟厄庇墨透斯。
她姿容绝美,见者无不为之倾心。
厄庇墨透斯兴高采烈地把她迎入屋内。
普罗米修斯警告过他不得接受宙斯的任何馈赠,而他已将之忘于脑后。
这一对夫妻有过一段幸福的生活,但不久灾难却降临人间。
当普罗米修斯忙于教授人们生存之道的时候,他把一个桶托付给厄庇墨透斯。
他警告过他的弟弟不要打开桶盖。
潘多拉好奇心强。
她的丈夫不允许她看桶中之物,这使她感到十分懊恼。
一天乘厄庇墨透斯出门在外,她打开桶盖,从桶里跑出的是不和与战争,瘟疫与疾病,偷窃与暴力,悲哀与忧虑,以及其他一些人类从此要遭受的不幸。
只有希望被关在桶口,永远飞不出来,因此人们常常把希望藏于心中。
Don’ttellher
Twotwinswenttothekindergarten.“Who'stheelderandwho'stheyoungerone?
”askedanurse.
Oneofthemwinkedandsaid,“Elderbrother,don'ttellher.”
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