How Tell a Story and Others.docx

How Tell a Story and Others.docx

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HowTellaStoryandOthers

HowTellaStoryandOthersbyMarkTwainCONTENTS:

HOWTOTELLASTORY

THEWOUNDEDSOLDIER

THEGOLDENARM

MENTALTELEGRAPHYAGAIN

THEINVALIDSSTORY

HOWTOTELLASTORY

TheHumorousStoryanAmericanDevelopment.--ItsDifferencefromComicandWittyStories.

IdonotclaimthatIcantellastoryasitoughttobetold.Ionlyclaimtoknowhowastoryoughttobetold,forIhavebeenalmostdailyinthecompanyofthemostexpertstory-tellersformanyyears.

Thereareseveralkindsofstories,butonlyonedifficultkind--thehumorous.Iwilltalkmainlyaboutthatone.ThehumorousstoryisAmerican,thecomicstoryisEnglish,thewittystoryisFrench.Thehumorousstorydependsforitseffectuponthemannerofthetelling;thecomicstoryandthewittystoryuponthematter.

Thehumorousstorymaybespunouttogreatlength,andmaywanderaroundasmuchasitpleases,andarrivenowhereinparticular;butthecomicandwittystoriesmustbebriefandendwithapoint.Thehumorousstorybubblesgentlyalong,theothersburst.

Thehumorousstoryisstrictlyaworkofart--highanddelicateart--andonlyanartistcantellit;butnoartisnecessaryintellingthecomicandthewittystory;anybodycandoit.Theartoftellingahumorousstory--understand,Imeanbywordofmouth,notprint--wascreatedinAmerica,andhasremainedathome.

Thehumorousstoryistoldgravely;thetellerdoeshisbesttoconcealthefactthatheevendimlysuspectsthatthereisanythingfunnyaboutit;butthetellerofthecomicstorytellsyoubeforehandthatitisoneofthefunniestthingshehaseverheard,thentellsitwitheagerdelight,andisthefirstpersontolaughwhenhegetsthrough.Andsometimes,ifhehashadgoodsuccess,heissogladandhappythathewillrepeatthe"nub"ofitandglancearoundfromfacetoface,collectingapplause,andthenrepeatitagain.Itisapatheticthingtosee.

Veryoften,ofcourse,theramblinganddisjointedhumorousstoryfinisheswithanub,point,snapper,orwhateveryouliketocallit.

Thenthelistenermustbealert,forinmanycasesthetellerwilldivertattentionfromthatnubbydroppingitinacarefullycasualandindifferentway,withthepretencethathedoesnotknowitisanub.

ArtemusWardusedthattrickagooddeal;thenwhenthebelatedaudiencepresentlycaughtthejokehewouldlookupwithinnocentsurprise,asifwonderingwhattheyhadfoundtolaughat.DanSetchelluseditbeforehim,NyeandRileyandothersuseitto-day.

Butthetellerofthecomicstorydoesnotslurthenub;heshoutsitatyou--everytime.Andwhenheprintsit,inEngland,France,Germany,andItaly,heitalicizesit,putssomewhoopingexclamation-pointsafterit,andsometimesexplainsitinaparenthesis.Allofwhichisverydepressing,andmakesonewanttorenouncejokingandleadabetterlife.

Letmesetdownaninstanceofthecomicmethod,usingananecdotewhichhasbeenpopularallovertheworldfortwelveorfifteenhundredyears.

Thetellertellsitinthisway:

THEWOUNDEDSOLDIER.

Inthecourseofacertainbattleasoldierwhoseleghadbeenshotoffappealedtoanothersoldierwhowashurryingbytocarryhimtotherear,informinghimatthesametimeofthelosswhichhehadsustained;whereuponthegeneroussonofMars,shoulderingtheunfortunate,proceededtocarryouthisdesire.Thebulletsandcannon-ballswereflyinginalldirections,andpresentlyoneofthelattertookthewoundedman'sheadoff--without,however,hisdelivererbeingawareofit.Inno-longtimehewashailedbyanofficer,whosaid:

"Whereareyougoingwiththatcarcass?

"

"Totherear,sir--he'slosthisleg!

"

"Hisleg,forsooth?

"respondedtheastonishedofficer;"youmeanhishead,youbooby."Whereuponthesoldierdispossessedhimselfofhisburden,andstoodlookingdownuponitingreatperplexity.Atlengthhesaid:

"Itistrue,sir,justasyouhavesaid."Thenafterapauseheadded,"ButheTOLDmeITWASHISLEG!

!

!

!

!

"Herethenarratorburstsintoexplosionafterexplosionofthunderoushorse-laughter,repeatingthatnubfromtimetotimethroughhisgaspingsandshriekingsandsuffocatings.

Ittakesonlyaminuteandahalftotellthatinitscomic-storyform;andisn'tworththetelling,afterall.Putintothehumorous-storyformittakestenminutes,andisaboutthefunniestthingIhaveeverlistenedto--asJamesWhitcombRileytellsit.

Hetellsitinthecharacterofadull-wittedoldfarmerwhohasjusthearditforthefirsttime,thinksitisunspeakablyfunny,andistryingtorepeatittoaneighbor.Buthecan'trememberit;sohegetsallmixedupandwandershelplesslyroundandround,puttingintediousdetailsthatdon'tbelonginthetaleandonlyretardit;takingthemoutconscientiouslyandputtinginothersthatarejustasuseless;makingminormistakesnowandthenandstoppingtocorrectthemandexplainhowhecametomakethem;rememberingthingswhichheforgottoputinintheirproperplaceandgoingbacktoputtheminthere;stoppinghisnarrativeagoodwhileinordertotrytorecallthenameofthesoldierthatwashurt,andfinallyrememberingthatthesoldier'snamewasnotmentioned,andremarkingplacidlythatthenameisofnorealimportance,anyway--better,ofcourse,ifoneknewit,butnotessential,afterall--andsoon,andsoon,andsoon.

Thetellerisinnocentandhappyandpleasedwithhimself,andhastostopeverylittlewhiletoholdhimselfinandkeepfromlaughingoutright;anddoesholdin,buthisbodyquakesinajelly-likewaywithinteriorchuckles;andattheendofthetenminutestheaudiencehavelaugheduntiltheyareexhausted,andthetearsarerunningdowntheirfaces.

Thesimplicityandinnocenceandsincerityandunconsciousnessoftheoldfarmerareperfectlysimulated,andtheresultisaperformancewhichisthoroughlycharminganddelicious.Thisisartandfineandbeautiful,andonlyamastercancompassit;butamachinecouldtelltheotherstory.

Tostringincongruitiesandabsurditiestogetherinawanderingandsometimespurposelessway,andseeminnocentlyunawarethattheyareabsurdities,isthebasisoftheAmericanart,ifmypositioniscorrect.

Anotherfeatureistheslurringofthepoint.Athirdisthedroppingofastudiedremarkapparentlywithoutknowingit,asifonewerethinkingaloud.Thefourthandlastisthepause.

ArtemusWarddealtinnumbersthreeandfouragooddeal.Hewouldbegintotellwithgreatanimationsomethingwhichheseemedtothinkwaswonderful;thenloseconfidence,andafteranapparentlyabsent-mindedpauseaddanincongruousremarkinasoliloquizingway;andthatwastheremarkintendedtoexplodethemine--anditdid.

Forinstance,hewouldsayeagerly,excitedly,"IonceknewamaninNewZealandwhohadn'tatoothinhishead"--herehisanimationwoulddieout;asilent,reflectivepausewouldfollow,thenhewouldsaydreamily,andasiftohimself,"andyetthatmancouldbeatadrumbetterthananymanIeversaw."Thepauseisanexceedinglyimportantfeatureinanykindofstory,andafrequentlyrecurringfeature,too.Itisadaintything,anddelicate,andalsouncertainandtreacherous;foritmustbeexactlytherightlength--nomoreandnoless--oritfailsofitspurposeandmakestrouble.Ifthepauseistooshorttheimpressivepointispassed,and[andiftoolong]theaudiencehavehadtimetodivinethatasurpriseisintended--andthenyoucan'tsurprisethem,ofcourse.

OntheplatformIusedtotellanegroghoststorythathadapauseinfrontofthesnapperontheend,andthatpausewasthemostimportantthinginthewholestory.IfIgotittherightlengthprecisely,Icouldspringthefinishingejaculationwitheffectenoughtomakesomeimpressiblegirldeliverastartledlittleyelpandjumpoutofherseat--andthatwaswhatIwasafter.Thisstorywascalled"TheGoldenArm,"andwastoldinthisfashion.Youcanpractisewithityourself--andmindyoulookoutforthepauseandgetitright.

THEGOLDENARM.

Once'ponatimedeywuzamonsusmeanman,enhelive'wayoutindeprairieall'lonebyhisself,'cep'nhehadawife.Enbimebyshedied,enhetuckentotedherwayoutdahindeprairieenburiedher.Well,shehadagoldenarm--allsolidgold,fumdeshoulderdown.Hewuzpow'fulmean--pow'ful;endatnighthecouldn'tsleep,Gazehewantdatgoldenarmsobad.

Whenitcomemidnighthecouldn'tstan'itnomo';sohegitup,hedid,entuckhislanternenshovedoutthoodestormendugherupengotdegoldenarm;enhebenthisheaddown'gindewin',enplowedenplowedenplowedthoodesnow.Denallonasuddenhestop（makeaconsiderablepausehere,andlookstartled,andtakealisteningattitude）ensay:

"MyLAN',what'sdat!

"

Enhelisten--enlisten--endewin'say（setyourteethtogetherandimitatethewailingandwheezingsingsongofthewind）,"Bzzz-z-zzz"---enden,waybackyonderwhahdegraveis,hehearavoice!

hehearavoiceallmix'upindewin'can'thardlytell'em'part--"Bzzz-zzz--W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y--g-o-l-d-e-narm?

--zzz--zzz--W-h-og-o-tm-yg-o-l-d-e-narm!

"（Youmustbegintoshiverviolentlynow.）Enhebegintoshiverenshake,ensay,"Oh,my!

OH,mylan'!

"endewin'blowdelanternout,endesnowensleetblowinhisfaceenmos'

chokehim,enhestarta-plowin'knee-deeptowardshomemos'dead,hesosk'yerd--enpootysoonheheardevoiceagin,en（pause）it'uscomin'

afterhim!

"Bzzz--zzz--zzz--W-h-o--g-o-tm-y--g-o-l-d-e-n--arm?

"Whenhegittodepasturehehearitaginclosternow,ena-comin'!

--a-comin'backdahindedarkendestorm--（repeatthewindandthevoice）.Whenhegittodehouseherushup-stairsenjumpindebedenkiverup,headandyears,enlaydahsh