SOUTH PARK1207.docx

SOUTH PARK1207.docx

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SOUTHPARK1207

SOUTHPARK

12X07-SUPERFUNTIME

"SOUTHPARK"andotherrelatedentitiesareowned,（TM）and?

byTREYPARKER&MATTSTONEviaCOMEDYCENTRALandCOMEDYPARTNERSinassociationwithIMPORTANTTELEVISION.Thistranscriptispostedherewithouttheirpermission,approval,authorizationorendorsement.Anyreproduction,duplication,distributionordisplayofthismaterialinanyformorbyanymeansisexpresslyprohibited.Itisabsolutelyforbiddentouseitforcommercialgain.Forentertainmentandeducationalpurposesonly.Noinfringementintended.

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SUMMARY:

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Aclassfieldtriptothelivingmuseumtakesadeadlyturn.Mr.GarrisontakesthefourthgradeclassonaneducationalfieldtriptoaPioneerVillagewherededicatedworkersremainincharacterastheircounterpartsfromthe1800's.CartmanforcesButterstoditchthefanaticaltownsfolktogototheamusementcenterlocatednextdoor.WhiletherestofthekidsarereluctantlylearningaboutthegoodolddaysinColorado,agroupoftrigger-happythievesbreakintothemuseumandtakeeveryonehostage.

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TRANSCRIPT:

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[EntrancetoPioneerVillage,day.TheSouthParkElementaryschoolbusisparked.Mr.Garrisonwaitswithabeardedemployeeastheclassenterstheattraction]

Mr.Garrison:

Kids,everyonetogether.WelcometoPioneerVillage.ThisisarecreationofearlyColoradodays.IwantyoualltomeetPioneerPaul.[thebeardedemployeestepsforward,hishandsgrippinghissuspenders]

PioneerPaul:

Hi,kids,andwelcometomyvillage.Isettledherein1864withmymahrandpahr.Surething,Iain'tneverseenstrangeclotheslikeyouallarewearin'.Andwhat'sthatfancyyellowhorsecarriageyougotoutthere?

Stan:

Ughh.

Kyle:

Thisisgonnasuck.

PioneerPaul:

Whenyouallarereadyjustheaduptothevillage.Allthetownfolkaretheretoansweryerquestions.Andwelcome.[tipshishatabittotheclass]To1864.Set'emup!

Mr.Garrison:

Thankyou,PioneerPaul.[PioneerPaulturnsaroundandwalksaway.]Allright,kids,thisisabigplace,soIwanteveryonetopickapartnertoholdhandswith.[thestudentslookateachotherandbegintopairoff.]

Cartman:

Let'sbepartners,Kenny.

Kenny:

（No,I'mpartnerswithCraig）[holdsCraig'shand]

Cartman:

Okay.[turnsandfollowsStan]Stan,let'sbepartners,dude.[StanapproachesWendyandholdsouthishand.Shetakesit]

Stan:

Naw,I'mwithWendy.

Cartman:

Eh,youwannaholdhandswithagirl?

Gaywad!

[Wendyflasheshimanangrylookasheturnsandwalksaway.Helooksaroundandseesmosteveryoneispairedoff.HeapproachesKyle]Allright,let'sbepartners,Kyle.

Kyle:

Ihateyou,remember?

[turnsaway]Youwannabepartners,Jimmy?

Cartman:

[miffed]Jesus,whathaveIeverdonetoyou?

Craig?

Token?

[ClydeandTokenpairup]Who,whoelseneedsapartner?

[aftertherestofthekidshavepairedup,onlyButtersisleft.Cartmanlooksathimandhegetsbashfulallofasudden,brushinghisleftfootbackandforthontheground]Uhwhoelseneedsapartner?

Mr.Garrison:

Eric,partnerwithButters.

Cartman:

Goddamnit!

Mr.Garrison:

HoldButters'hand,Eric!

[ButtersmotionsforCartmantotakehishand]

Cartman:

Thatisn'tnecessary!

Mr.Garrison:

Butters,youarenottoletgoofEric'shanduntilyouarebothbackonthatbus!

Doyouunderstand?

!

Butters:

Iunderstand.[takesCartman'shandasGarrisonturnstowardsthevillage]

Mr.Garrison:

Allright,let'sheadin.[leadstheway]

Cartman:

Youcanletgonow,Butters.

Butters:

[firmly]No.

Cartman:

Butters,comeon!

Butters:

No!

[theclassisatthecenterofthevillage.Arounditareacarriagehouse,thesaloon,andthefeedandtacklestore]

Mr.Garrison:

Allrightkids,goaheadandvisitthecharmingvillagersandlearnstuff.[thepairsdisperse]Keeptrackofyourpartner!

[Thesmithy'sshop.Thesmithyisworkingonahorseshoerestingonananvil.Stan,Wendy,Kyle,andJimmydropby]

Smithy:

Whyhowdypartners.[putshistoolsdown]I'mthetownblacksmith.Areyoufolkssettlers,orareyoujusttrapperspassin'through?

Stan:

Uhhh,look,canwejustdropthewholeroleplayingthing?

Iwouldplayalong,butmygirlfriend'shereandIdon'twannalooklikeatotaldorkinfrontofher.

Wendy:

Thanks,Stan.

PioneerPaul:

[droppingby]Thesefolkssurearestrange,Smithy.Weain'tneverseenthemkindoffancyhatsinourtime,havewe?

Kyle:

[pointstothesmithy]Thatguyiswearingadigitalwatch.

Smithy:

Ohjeez.[adjustthewatchtohideit.PioneerPaulgiveshimanangrylook]

PioneerPaul:

DamnitChad!

Smithy:

[putsitinhispocket]S-sorry,I'msorry.

[Anothersmithyshop,thistimeforguns.Cartman,Butters,Kenny,Craig,andtwogirlsvisit]

Gunsmith:

Whyhowdy,partners,I'mthetowngunsmith.Yousee,inourtimeit'sprettyviolent.Seethemholesinthewalls?

That'ssowecanputriflesthroughtoprotectusfromInjuns.

Cartman:

IwannashootanIndian.

Gunsmith:

NowsomeofyoumightwannameetAbigailatthecandle-makin'house.Oryoucanheadovertothegeneralstore.[Kenny,Craig,andthetwogirlsleave.CartmanandButtersheadfortheholesinthewall]

Butters:

DoyouseeanyIndians?

Cartman:

Nah,it'sjustthecityande-OhmyJesusChristmonkeyballs.[justoverthegreeneryisSuperPhunThyme,asmallattractionnextdoor.]"Super...PhunThyme."[turnstoButtersandhashimstepforward]Dude,checkitout!

We'reonlytwoblocksfromaSuperPhunThyme!

They'vegotvideogamesandridesandeverything!

Butters:

Oh,that'scool.[stepsbackandturnsaround]Wellcomeon,Eric,weneedtocatchupwitheveryone.

Cartman:

Dude,screwthisplace!

We'vegottagotoSuperPhunThyme!

Butters:

Ohno!

I'mnotsneakin'out!

I'llgetintrouble!

Cartman:

Fine,thenletgoofmyhand!

Butters:

TeachersaidIcan'tletgotillwe'rebackonthebus!

Cartman:

Wellwhichisitgonnabe,Butters?

!

Areyougonnaditchoutwithmeorareyougonnadisobeytheteacher'sstupidrule?

!

Butters:

I'mnotlettin'go!

Cartman:

Fine,thenyou'recomin'withme!

Butters:

No,Eric!

[tripsandstandsup.Cartmanpullshimtowardsthevillage'sentrance]

Cartman:

Butters,letgoGod-damnit!

Butters:

No!

[tripsandtriestostandup]T-Teacherrr!

Teacherrr!

[PioneerPaulleadsStan,Wendy,Kyle,andJimmyintothegeneralstore.]

PioneerPaul:

Thishereisourgeneralstore.It'swhereIbuyallmysuppliesan'sich.

Clerk:

Howdypartners.Iownthishearrrgeneralstore.

Wendy:

Look,Stan,theyhadbeefjerkybackthen.

Clerk:

Whatdoyoumean"backthen"?

Don'tforget,it's1864.

Kyle:

Right.Exceptforitreallyisn't.

PioneerPaul:

Wuh,sureitis.Justlookaroundye.[theylookaround,butthemodernsuondofsirensreachestheirears]

Kyle:

What'sthat?

Stan:

Soundslikepolicesirens.

PioneerPaul:

What'sasi-rene?

Weain'tneverheardofnosirenein1864.[thesoundofscreechingtiresisnext,andeveryoneheadstothewindowstofindout.AbigSUVpullsintothevillageandsevenpeoplepouroutofit.Onenofthemisinjured]

Leader:

Welostthem,welostthem!

InjuredMan:

Damnpigcops!

Leader:

Closethatgate!

[twoofhishenchmenclosethegate]

Wendy:

What'sgoingon?

Stan:

Idon'tknow.[thegunmengatherupthestudentsandadults]

Leader:

EveryonedownonthegroundNOW!

Sheriff:

Wuh-whoanow,I'mSheriffMcLawdog.Isettledherebackineighteenfif-[theleadershootshimintheforeheadwithasilencedgun]

Stan:

JesusChrist!

[thesixofthemmoveawayfromthewindowanddroptotheirknees]We'vegottacallthepolice.Where'syourphone?

PioneerPaul:

Aphone?

Why,what'saphone?

Weain'tneverheardasichathing.

Stan:

What?

?

Kyle:

Comeon,thisisserious!

PioneerPaul:

Ehstorehand,youeverheardofthisfancyshmancyphone?

Clerk:

Uhhh,nooo.W-weain'tgotaphoneinourtime.

Stan:

Dude,theyjustshotaguyintheface!

We'vegottacallthecops!

PioneerPaul:

Ifyoumeanthelaw,onlylawaroundhereistownsheriffMcLawdog.Yousee,1864isatimeofgrowthanddevelopmentintheOldWest.

Stan:

[innomoodtohearaboutit]Thisisnotthetimeforthat!

[SuperPhunThyme.CartmanpullsButterstowardsit.]

Cartman:

Awman,thisisgonnabeawesome!

[thegothroughthedoubledoors]Butters,ifyoudon'tletgoofmyhand,everyonehereisgonnathinkwe'regay!

Butters:

Well,that'syourproblem!

Cartman:

AllrightButters,I'veseriouslyhadenough!

[triestoriphishandoutofButters'grip,butonlysucceedsinpullingButtersaround.Hetriesagain,butButtersisn'tlettinggo.Hetriesathirdtime,allthewayaround,andButters'handisclampedontight.]JesusChrist!

[dropsthematterandgoestoacounterwithButters]Oneplease.

Butters:

Makethattwo!

[theyeachgive$6.]

Cashier:

Aww,aren'tyoutwocuteholdin'hands.Areyouspeciallittlebuddies?

Butters,Cartman:

NO!

[shegivesthemtheirticketsandtheygointotheattraction]

[SuperPhunThyme,interior.CartmanandButtersgointoanindooramusementpark.Abouncehouseisofftotherightandminiaturegolftotheleft.Bumpercarzandlasertaggareoneithersideofthebowlinglanes.Thearcadeisonthesecondfloor.]

Cartman:

Dude,thisplaceshreds!

Whatshouldwedofirst?

?

Butters:

WeshouldgetbacktoPioneerVillage,that'swhatweshoulddo!

Cartman:

Butters,we'regoingtogetbackbeforeanybodyevennoticeswe'regone.Let'sgohitthebumpercars!

[yanksButtersalong.]

[