六人行25The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant.docx
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六人行25The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant.docx
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六人行25TheOneWithFiveSteaksandanEggplant
六人行2-5TheOneWithFiveSteaksandanEggplant
[Scene:
ChandlerandJoey's,RossandChandlerarethere.Rossiswatchingwrestling.]
Ross:
Man,IsuremissJulie.
Chandler:
Spanishmidgets.Spanishmidgetswrestling.Julie.Ok,yes,Iseehowyougotthere.(ThephoneringsandChandlerdoesn'tanswerit.)
Ross:
Youeverfigureoutwhatthatthing'sfor?
Chandler:
No,see,I'mtryingthisnewscreeningthing.Youknow,IfigureifI'malwaysansweringthephone,people'llthinkIdon'thavealife.Mygod,Rodrigonevergetspinned.
Machine:
(Joey'svoice)Herecomesthebeep,youknowwhattodo.
Woman'sVoice:
Hello,I'mlookingforBob.ThisisJane.Idon'tknowifyou'restillatthisnumber,butIwasjustthinkingaboutus,andhowgreatitwas,and,well,Iknowit'sbeenthreeyears,but,Iwaskindahopingwecouldhookupagain.Ibarelyhadthenervetomakethiscall,soyouknowwhatIdid?
Chandler:
What?
Jade:
Igotalittledrunk...andnaked.
Chandler:
(answeringthephone,inadeepvoice)Bobhere.
OpeningCredits
[Scene:
ChandlerandJoey's,continuedfromearlier.RossandChandleraredancing.]
Chandler:
(onphone)What'veyoubeenupto?
Jade:
Oh,youknow,theusual,teachingaerobics,partyingwaytoomuch.Oh,andincaseyouwerewondering,thosearemylegsonthenewJamesBondposter.(Theystopdancing.)
Chandler:
Canyouholdonamoment?
Ihaveanothercall.(ToRoss)Iloveher.
Ross:
Iknow.
Chandler:
(onphone)I'mback.
Jade:
So,arewegonnagettogetherorwhat?
Chandler:
Um,absolutely.Uh,how'bouttomorrowafternoon?
Doyouknowuh,CentralPerkintheVillage,say,five-ish?
Jade:
Great,I'llseeyouthen.
Chandler:
Ok.(Hehangsup.)Ok.Havingaphonehasfinallypaidoff.
Ross:
EventhoughyoudodoagoodBobimpression,I'mthinkin'whensheseesyoutomorow,she'sprobablygonnarealize,"Hey,you'renotBob."
Chandler:
I'mhopingthatwhenBobdoesn'tshowup,shewillseekcomfortintheopenarmsofthewrystrangeratthenexttable.
Ross:
Ohmygod.Youarepureevil.
Chandler:
Ok,pureevil(holdsuphislefthand),hornyandalone(holdsuphisrighthand).I'vedonethis(Heshakeshisrighthand.)
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,everyoneisthereandRossisonthephone.]
Ross:
Yeah,yeah,everybody'shere.Hey,everybody,sayhitoJulieinNewMexico.
All:
Hi,Julie!
Rachel:
(sarcastically)Hi,Julie.
Chandler:
Ok,whileRossisonthephone,everybodyowesme62bucksforhisbirthday.
Phoebe:
Um,is,isthereanychancethatyou'reroundingup?
Y'know,likefrom,like20?
Chandler:
Hey,comeon,wegotthegift,theconcert,andthecake.
Joey:
Doweneedacake?
Chandler:
Lookguys,Iknowit'salittlesteep.
Rachel:
Yeah,whoosh!
(Imitatesgoingoveracliffwithherhand.)
Chandler:
Butit'sRoss.
Phoebe:
It'sRoss.
Joey:
Yeah,you'reright.
Chandler:
I'llseeyouguyslater,Igottago...doathing.
Ross:
Ok,sweetheart,I'llcallyoulatertonight.(Hehangsup)(ToChandler)Whoa,whoa,whoa,hey,hey,hey,you'renotreallygonnagothroughwiththis,areyou?
Chandler:
Youknow,IthinkImightjust.
(Theyexit.)
Rachel:
Souh,whatareyouguysdoingfordinnertonight?
Joey:
WellIguessIgottastartsavin'upforRoss'sbirthday,soIguessI'lljuststayhomeandeatdustbunnies.
Phoebe:
Canyoubelievehowmuchthisisgonnacost?
Rachel:
Doyouguysevergetthefeelingthatum,Chandlerandthoseguysjustdon'tgetthatwedon'tmakeasmuchmoneyastheydo?
Joey:
Yes!
Yeah,it'slikethey'realwayssaying"let'sgohere,let'sgothere".Likewecanaffordtogohereandthere.
Phoebe:
Yes,yes,andit's,andwealwayshavetogoto,y'know,someplacenice,y'know?
God,andit'snotlikewecansayanythingaboutit,'cause,likethisbirthdaything,it'sforRoss.
Joey:
ForRoss.
Rachel:
ForRoss,Ross,Ross.
Monica:
(entering)Ohmygod.
Rachel:
Hey.
Joey:
Hi.
Rachel:
What?
Monica:
I'matwork,ordinaryday,youknow,chopchopchop,sauti,sauti,sauti.Allofasudden,Leon,themanager,callsmeintohisoffice.Itturnsouttheyfiredtheheadlunchchef,andguesswhogotthejob.
Joey:
Ifit'snotyou,thisisahorriblestory.
Monica:
Fortunately,itisme.And,theymademeheadofpurchasing,thankyouverymuch.Anyway,IjustranintoRossandChandlerdownstairs,andtheythinkweshouldgooutandcelebrate.Y'know,someplacenice.(Shegoesintoherbedroom.)
Joey:
(toPhoebeandRachel)Yeah,someplacenice.
Rachel:
Yeah!
Joey:
HowmuchdoyouthinkIcangetformykidney?
[Scene:
CentralPerk,JadeiswaitingforBobtoshowwhileRossandChandlerlookon.]
Ross:
I'mtellin'you.Youcan'tdothis.
Chandler:
Oh,comeon.Icannevergetagirllikethatwithconventionalmethods.
Ross:
Thatdoesn'tmatter.ShewantedtocallBob.Hey,forallweknow,Bobiswhoshewasmeanttobewith.Youmaybedestroyingtwopeople'schanceforhappiness.
Chandler:
Wedon'tknowBob!
Okay?
Weknowme.Welikeme.Pleaseletmebehappy.
Ross:
Gooverthereandtellthatwomanthetruth.
Chandler:
Allright.(Hegetsup,butswingsaroundthepolebacktotheirtable.)
Ross:
Go.
(HewalksovertoJade.)
Chandler:
Hi.
Jade:
Hi.
Chandler:
Listen,Ihaveto,uh,um,Ihaveto,Ihavetoconfesssomething.
Jade:
Yes?
Chandler:
Whoeverstoodyouupisajerk.
Jade:
Howdidyou...
Chandler:
Idon'tknow.(Hesitsdown.)Ijusthadthisweirdsense.Youknow,butthat'sme.I'mweirdandsensitive.Tissue?
(Holdsoutoneofthissmallpacks.)
Jade:
Thanks.
Chandler:
No,youkeepthepack.I'mallcriedouttoday.
(HelooksoveratRosswhoglaresathim.)
[Scene:
ARestaurant,everyoneexceptChandlerisseatedatatable.]
Ross:
Ok,(holdinguphisglass)ok,hereistomysister,thenewly-appointedheadlunchchef...
Monica:
Whoisalsoinchargeofpurchasing.
Ross:
Newlyappointedheadlunchchefwhoisalsoinchargeofpurchasing...
Monica:
WhohasherownlittledeskwhenRoland'snotthere.
Ross:
Uh,lunchchef,purchasing,ownlittledeskwhenRoland'snotthere.Here'stomylittlesister--
Monica:
Oh,wait,andIgotabeeper!
Joey:
Cool.
Phoebe:
Let'ssee!
Ross:
That'sfine,I'll-I'lljustwait!
Monica:
Oh,sorry.
Joey:
Sorry,sorry.
Ross:
Monica!
(Theyclinktheirglasses.)
Waiter:
Arewereadytoorder?
Rachel:
Oh,youknowwhat,wehaven'tevenlookedyet.
Waiter:
Well,whenyoudo,justletmeknow.I'llberightoverthereontheedgeofmyseat.
Phoebe:
(toJoeyandRachel)Wow,lookattheseprices.
Rachel:
Yeah,theseareprettych-ching.
Joey:
Whatarethese,likefamouschickens?
Chandler:
Hey,sorryI'mlate.Congratulations,Mon.(toRoss)I'mnotsorryI'mlate.HowincrediblewasmyafternoonwithJade?
Ross:
(toChandlerbehindtheirmenus)Well,prettyincredibleaccordingtothemessagesheleftyouonmymachine.Hey,Chandler,whyisthiswomanleavingamessageforyouonmymachine?
Chandler:
Oh,see,Ihadtotellherthatmynumberwasyournumber,becauseIcouldn'ttellherthatmynumberwasmynumberbecauseshethinksthatmynumberisBob'snumber.
Ross:
Hey,tellmeagain,whatdoIdowhenMr.Ropercalls?
Waiter:
DoIdareask?
Monica:
Yes,Iwillstartwiththecarpaccio,andthenI'llhavethegrilledprawns.
Ross:
Thatsoundsgreat.Sameforme.
Waiter:
Andforthegentleman?
Joey:
Yeah,I'llhavetheThaichickenpizza.But,hey,look,ifIgetitwithoutthenutsandleeksandstuff,isitcheaper?
Waiter:
You'dthink,wouldn'tyou?
Miss?
Rachel:
Ok,Iwillhavetheuh,(whispers)sidesalad.
Waiter:
(whispers)Andwhatwillthatbeonthesideof?
Rachel:
Uh,Idon'tknow.Whydon'tyouputitrightherenexttomywater?
Waiter:
Andforyou?
Phoebe:
Um,I'mgonnahaveacupofthecucumbersoup,and,um,takecare.
Chandler:
Iwillhavetheuh,Cajuncatfish.
Waiter:
Anythingelse?
Chandler:
Yes,how'boutaverseofKillingMeSoftly.You'regonnasneezeonmyfish,aren'tyou?
[Timelapse,everyonehasfinisheddinnerandRossisfiguringoutthebill.]
Ross:
(usingcalculator)Plustip,dividedbysix.Ok,everyoneowes28bucks.
Chandler:
Okay.
Rachel:
Um,everyone?
Ross:
Oh,you'reright,I'msorry.
Joey:
Thankyou.
Ross:
Monica'sbignight,sheshouldn'tpay.
Monica:
Oh,thankyou!
Ross:
Sofiveofusis,$33.50apiece.
Phoebe:
No,huhuh,noway,I'msorry,notgonnahappen.
Chandler:
Whoa,whoa,promnightflashback.
Phoebe:
I'msorry,Monica,I'mreallyhappyyougotpromoted,butcoldcucumbermushforthirty-somethingbucks?
No!
Racheljusthadthat-that-thatsalad,and,andJoeywithhisliketeenypizza!
It'sjust...
Ross:
Ok,Pheebs!
How'boutwe'lleachjustpayforwhatwehad.It'snobigdeal.
Phoebe:
Notforyou.
Monica:
Allright,what'sgoin'on?
Rachel:
(toJoeyandPhoebe)Ok,lookyouguys,Ireallydon'twanttogetintothisrightnow.Ithinkit'lljustmakeeveryoneuncomfortable.
Phoebe:
Fine.Allright,fine.
Joey:
Yeah.
Chandler:
Youcantellus.
Ross:
Hello,it'sus,allright?
It'llbefine.
Monica:
Yeah!
Joey:
(clearinghisthroatalot)Ok,um,uh,wethreefeellike,thatuh,sometimesyouguysdon'tgetthatuh...(Pause)Wedon'thaveasmuchmoneyasyou.
Monica:
Ok.
Ross:
Ihearya.
Chandler:
Wecantalkaboutthat.
Phoebe:
Well,then...Let's.
Ross:
WellummI,Ijustneverthinkofmoneyasanissue.
Rachel:
That's'causeyouhaveit.
Ross:
That'sagoodpoint.
Chandler:
Soum,howcomeyouguyshaven'ttalkedaboutthisbefore?
Joey:
'Causeit'salwayssomethin',youknow,likewithMonica'snewjob,orthewholeRoss'sbirthdayhoopla.
Ross:
Wha?
Whoa,hey,Idon'twantmybirthdaytobethesourceofanykindofnegative?
there'sgonnabeahoopla?
Rachel:
Basically,there'sthething,andthenthere'sthestuffafterthething.
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