搞笑5人英语剧本.docx

搞笑5人英语剧本.docx

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搞笑5人英语剧本

搞笑5人英语剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：

　　西门吹雪

　　叶孤城

　　花满楼

　　king

　　旁白

道具：

牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

　　第一幕：

决战紫荆城之颠

　　旁白：

Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow.

　　Birdsaredancinginthecold.

　　Amaniswalkingalongthestreet,stepbystep.

　　Windiscominginsilence.

　　Anothermysteriousmanapproaches.

　　Y与X相遇．

　　X：

oH,Iamsorrytoknockyou!

　　Y:

Haha,Nevermindbaybay.

　　X:

Excuseme，whoareyouonearth?

Couldyoutellmeyourname?

　　Y:

haha,Iwon’tchangemyname!

nomatterwhathappens.I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng.Whoareyou?

　　X:

Iamximenchuixue.

　　Y惊讶:

Ar,ximenchuixue?

　　X:

Yes,whatiswrong?

　　Y:

IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?

　　X:

Great,youknowme!

　　Y抱腿：

Please,please……Don’tkillme!

Letmeyougo!

　　X:

No,Imustkillyou!

　　Y:

Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereareaeighty-year-oldmotherandathree-yearoldsontobelookedafterbyme!

　　X:

Noway!

Becausewearefightingnow!

youknow?

　　Y突然站起冷冷的说：

Don''''''''''''''''tforceme!

　　X:

Pardon!

　　（Y拿出一袋牛奶）

　　X抢过牛奶:

milk,verygood!

Ilikedrinkingit.Howdoyouknowthat?

　　Y:

pleasedrinkit!

　　X喝完牛奶:

Thanks,ha,ha

　　Y:

Doyoustillwanttokillme?

　　X:

Sure,must!

Milkismilk.

　　Y（恼怒+冷酷）:

Verygood!

Verygood!

Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!

?

　　X:

I’msureIwon’t!

　　Y:

Imustgiveyoualesson!

IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime,you’llneverbehaveproperly!

3-2-1-0!

　　X捂着肚子，蹲下：

Oach,Oach!

　　Y大笑：

HaHa……

　　X可怜状:

help!

help!

Whereisthewashroom?

　　Y:

What?

　　X:

Toliet?

　　Y:

What?

　　X:

The“WC”?

　　Y:

Oh,Isee,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!

　　X:

Thanks,byebye.

　　Y掏出纸屑吹:

Thisisgenuirnesnow!

　　H:

Stop!

Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!

　　Y:

Whoareyou?

　　H:

Hua---man----lou!

Haveyouseenximenchuixue?

　　Y:

Yes,hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC”now,ha……

　　H惊讶:

Nowyouarethebestintheworld!

　　Y:

Youareright!

　　H:

Teriffic!

Youaretheonemykinglookingfor!

Doyouwantjoininus?

　　Y:

Yes,It’sverygood.

　　H:

Ok,followme,Let’sgotoseemyking!

　　Y:

Ok,Let’sgo!

　　第二幕：

无间道

　　H:

Mydearest!

letmeintroduceyeguchengtoyou!

（指Y）thisisyegucheng.

　　K:

sitdownplese,yegucheng.

　　H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:

Yegucheng!

Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascoldheadache,sairandaids?

　　Y:

Yes,Ido.

　　K:

Huamanlou,come.puttheringonhisfinger!

（音乐停）

　　X唱着上:

Onlyyou……（看到戒子）thisringshouldbemine!

　　K:

Butwhoareyou?

Whyshoulditbelongyou?

　　Y急切:

king!

Dearking!

Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!

huoxi（维语再见）

　　K:

huoxi?

Whatdoesthatmean?

ItisnotEnglish,isn’tit?

　　Y:

Howclever……

　　X冷酷:

yegucheng!

Comehere!

Iwanttotellyousomething!

　　Y抱X的腿:

oldbrother!

Forgiveme!

　　X:

Forgiveme?

Why?

　　Y:

Oncetherewashachangebeforeme,Ilostit.Ifthegodgivemeantherchance,I’lltellyou“Iloveyou”,Iftheremustbealimitedperiod,Ihopeitisthousandyear!

　　X:

Youshallcheatme!

allyoudidarewrong!

howcanyoutellthelady’s“WC”!

　　Y:

Ilikegoinglady’sWC.I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.（Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶）

　　X:

m-i-l-k?

haha,ayixidailu!

（我爱你的意思）

　　K:

ayixidailu?

What’sthemeaning?

whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?

　　X:

Youarestupid!

Itmeans“Iloveyou”.

　　K:

Don’tsaythat“youloveme”.I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!

　　X:

What?

（侧耳装着听不到）You---kill----me?

come,come…（Ｘ上去抓住K）

　　K:

Fuckyou.Imustkillyou!

　　X:

Howcanyoukillme?

haha……

　　Y:

Letmehaveatry!

3-2-1-0（X捂着肚子，蹲下）

　　K:

thankyouverymuch,yousaveme.Now,I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou

　haveavacation.

　　Y:

That’sgood.butthereisonemorething.canyougivemeaMM?

IwanttogoAmericanwithher.

　　K:

ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme!

Hahaha……

　　Y:

Hahaha-----

　　H:

Where’ssomewhere?

　　K:

What?

　　Y:

Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?

　　X:

Yes,I……I……do.

　　H顶着摇头：

X,no,no，youcan’tgotoLady’s“WC”.Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo!

becauseyouareX!

youarethebestmanofChinesekongfu!

　　X:

whatifI’mthebestintheword?

!

whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable?

whencanIgetmyfreedom?

mustbethedeadday?

!

　　K:

youareright.onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie.Inthatcase,whywillyoudieinsuchabadsorrowway!

gointotheLady’sWC,thendie,comfortablly!

goahead!

　　H:

you,stupid,badbehavior!

goaway!

　　K;why?

whydoyouhelphim!

whoacturallyareyou?

　　H:

myrealnameisLuXiaofeng------thewifeofX.I’maspy.

　　K惊讶:

!

you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng?

X’wife?

　　Y:

Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou.atricker!

doyouknow,youarethefirstpersonwhocheatedme!

becauseofyou,Ideeideneverbelieveanyoneelse,includingmyself.youhavedestroyedmylookingforyouformanyyears,justfortoday!

（轻声说）Ｘwilldie,goandseehim,please.

　　H扑倒在Ｘ的身边：

Ｘ,do’tdie,youshouldbealive,therearemuchhopeinthefatureandtomorrowisagoodbeginning!

　　K:

whatamovingstory!

Iwasimpressed!

　　Y:

lifeisaprogress,butitisdepressedthatitcannotresume!

　　H:

lifeisaprogress,anditisdelightthatitneedn’tresume!

　　（H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起）

　　Y痛苦状:

don’tleavemehere,youknowIloveyouandIhavenothingexceptyounow,pleasenotabandonme!

realizethatI’mwrong.helpme,Iintendtobeback,helpme,Ikeyyou,begyou------helpme.I’llneverdothatagain!

（Y死，音乐停）

　　（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

　　H:

X,oh,no,youcan’tdie,wewillgohometogether.

　　X:

gohome!

?

　　H:

Tomorrowisanotherday!

evenyouhavethelastsecondtolive,youshouldbealive,notonlyforme,butforourlove!

　　X:

doyouwantmelivealifeinsuchasorrowway?

ok,ok,IpromiseIwillbealiveforyou.but!

youknow,Ihavenottimeleft,butyouhave,promisethatyouwillbehappyeveryday!

Youmustdomethishonor...promisemeyouwillsurvive...thatyouwillnevergiveup...nomatterwhathappens...nomatterhowhopeless...promisemenow,andneverletgoofthatpromise.

　　H:

Ipromise.

　　X:

Neverletgo.

　　H:

Ipromise.Iwillneverletgo,

　　X.I''''''''llneverletgo.（X死）

　　H:

bealive!

yeah,bealive!

bealivewithoutahendance!

lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback.thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping,solifecancomefromthebeginning!

（H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。

）

-

Threevisitstothecottage————ByFRIENDS

Threevisitstothecottage（中文名三顾茅庐）isastoryfromoneoftheFourGreatclassicalChinesenovels——theThreeKindoms.ZhuGeliangisoneofthemaincharactersintheoriginal.Also,heisanoutstandingmilitarist,politicianandthesymbolofthewisdominChinesehistory.Anothermainactors——Liubei,whovisitedZhuGeliang's thatchedcottagethreetimes and wantedtoinvitehimtobehismilitaryadviser.Finally,ZhuGeliangwasmovedbyLiubei'sincerity,helpedthethreebrothers——Liubei,GuanyuandZhangfeitoestablishtheShuKindom.Hedevotedhiswholelifetothecauseanddiedinharness.

  OurscriptisrevisedfromthisstoryandwritedbymyclassmatesofgroupFRIENDS.Inthisplay,weaddmanymodernandfunnyelements.Forexample,therearesome spokenlinesandactionswhichwerecopiedfromsomeclassicalmovieslikeInfernalAffairs（中文名无间道）,MyOwnSwordsman（中文名武林外传）,TheFlirtingScholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）werecombinedinourplay.Also,weaddedsomeinterestingpicturesandaudiotoourslide.

  Maybetherearesomemistakesinourdialogue.Butthisplayistheresultofpainstakingeffortsofourgroup.Sowepresentourscripttoyouandwishyouwilllikeit.

Threevisitstothecottage

Aside:

Aftertheirswearingbrotherhoodtoheavenandearthinapeachgarden,thethreepersons——Liubei,GuanyuandZhangfei-hadtobejanitorsinCaocao'scorporationtomakealivingfortheycouldnotfindjobs.MeanwhilethelegendaryandmysteriouscharacterZhuGeliangwhohadbeenforcedtoattendCET-6testbyhiswifewasreviewingexaminationcontents.

SCENE1:

Liubei'shome

Actors:

LiubeiGuanyuZhangfei

Guanyu:

 Brother!

Wethreehavebeenhungryfordaysandwhenwillthistragiclifeend?

It'ssoterrible!

Liubei:

  Yu,it'simpossiblethatIdon'tfeelpainful,isn'tit?

ButastheproverbsaysitishardtositinRomeandstriveagainstthePope.NowwecomedowntoCaocao'scorporationasgatekeeper,anyhowwecanfillourstomachsbetweenwhiles.It'sveryhardtogetworknow.Nodiplomasandnojoboffers,whatareyoudreamingabout?

Zhangfei:

Oh,Brother!

ZhuGeliang'swifeborrowedus500yuantocopewithhishusband’sCET-6feeslastmonth,itseemsthatit'stimeforustobedebtcollectorsnow.

Guanyu:

Yeah,Brother!

Orwe'llbeaspooraschurchmouse.

Liubei:

Alas!

HowdidIforgetthis?

Let'sgo!

Go~~go~!

Hurryup!

Followmeandgotothemountainfordunning!

Aside:

AndthenthethreebrothersclimbthemountaintofindZhuGeliang.

SCENE2:

ZhuGeliang’shouse

Actors:

  ZhuGeliangWife

ZhuGeliang:

Goodmorning!

IamthegeniusZhuGeliang.ButIfeelsomoroserecently.BecausemywifeforcedmetopasstheCET-6.What’sCET-6?

Doyouknow?

You?

（Asktheaudience）I’veneverheartaboutthat.Andsheobligedmetoreadsoheavybook

sanddosomanytexts.It’sridiculous.Mymajorismilitaryadvice,notEnglish.WhyshouldIreadthis?

Wife:

Darling!

ZhuGeliang：

Mywifeiscoming，sheissolong-windedthatIcanneverbearher.

Wife：

Mydear,howaboutyourstudy?

ZhuGeliang：

Thesebooksmakemewanttodoze.I’mdizzy.

Wife：

Darling!

Now,competitionissoserious.Ifyoucan’tpasscet6togetyourmaster’sdegree,itisdifficulttofindajob.Ihavestayedhereforhalfofalifetime.ButnevervisitabiggerplacelikeYangling.

ZhuGeliang：

Don’tworry,thesebooksaretooeasyforyourhusbandanddon’tneedtolearn.

Wife：

Areyousure?

letmehaveatesttoyou.Listen，readandsee!

ZhuGeliang：

Apieceofcake!

Wife：

Listen,canyouspellapple?

Desk?

ZhuGeliang:

SorryIcan’t.

Wife：

Youcan’t?

Oh,howunfortunateIam!

（crying）I'mwrong,I'mrea