老友记18.docx

老友记18.docx

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老友记18

TheOneWhereNanaDiesTwice

Writtenby:

MartaKaufmannandDavidCrane

Transcribedby:

guineapig

SpecialthankstoRachelStiggeforcorrectingmyItalian

[Scene:

Chandler'sOffice,Chandlerisonacoffeebreak. Shelleyenters.）

Shelley:

Heygorgeous,how'sitgoing?

Chandler:

DehydratedJapanesenoodlesunderfluorescentlights...doesitgetbetterthanthis?

Shelley:

Question.You'renotdatinganybody,areyou,becauseImetsomebodywhowouldbeperfectforyou.

Chandler:

Ah,y'see,perfectmightbeaproblem.Hadyousaid'co-dependent',or'self-destructive'...

Shelley:

DoyouwantadateSaturday?

Chandler:

Yesplease.

Shelley:

Okay.He'scute,he'sfunny,he's-

Chandler:

He'sahe?

Shelley:

Wellyeah!

...OhGod.I-just-Ithought-Good,Shelley.I'mjustgonnagoflushmyselfdownthetoiletnow...（backsoutoftheroom）Okay,goodbye...

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,everyoneisthere.）

Chandler:

...Couldn'tenjoyacupofnoodlesafterthat.Imean,isthatridiculous?

Canyoubelievesheactuallythoughtthat?

Rachel:

Um...yeah.Well,Imean,whenIfirstmetyou,y'know,Ithoughtmaybe,possibly,youmightbe...

Chandler:

Youdid?

Rachel:

Yeah,butthenyouspentPhoebe'sentirebirthdaypartytalkingtomybreasts,sothenIfiguredmaybenot.

Chandler:

Huh.Did,uh...anyoftherestofyouguysthinkthatwhenyoufirstmetme?

Monica:

Idid.

Phoebe:

Yeah,Ithinkso,yeah.

Joey:

Notme.

Ross:

Nono,meneither.Although,uh,y'know,backincollege,SusanSallidordid.

Chandler:

You'rekidding!

DidyoutellherIwasn't?

Ross:

No.No,it'sjust'cause,uh,Ikindawantedtogooutwithhertoo,soItoldher,actually,youwereseeingBernieSpellman...whoalsolikedher,so...

（JoeycongratulatesRoss,seesChandler'slookandabruptlystops.）

Chandler:

Well,thisisfascinating.So,uh,whatisitaboutme?

Phoebe:

Idunno,'causeyou'resmart,you'refunny...

Chandler:

Rossissmartandfunny,d'youeverthinkthatabouthim?

All:

Yeah!

Right!

Chandler:

WHATISIT?

!

Monica:

Okay,I-Id'know,you-youjust-youhaveaquality.

All:

Yes.Absolutely.Aquality.

Chandler:

Oh,oh,aquality,good,becauseIwasworriedyouguysweregonnabevagueaboutthis.

（Phonerings;Monicagetsit）

Monica:

Hello?

Hello?

Oh!

Rachel,it'sPaolocallingfromRome.

Rachel:

OhmyGod!

CallingfromRome!

（Takesphone）Bongiorno,caromio.

Ross:

（toJoey）Sohe'scallingfromRome.Icoulddothat.JustgottagotoRome.

Rachel:

Monica,yourdadjustbeepedin,butcanyoumakeitquick?

TalkingtoRome.（ShowingofftoPhoebeandChandler）I'mtalkingtoRome.

Monica:

Heydad,what'sup?

（Listens）OhGod.Ross,it'sNana.

[Scene:

TheHospital,Mr.andMrs.Gellerarethere,alongwithAuntLillian.RossandMonicaenterandeveryonesayshiandkisses.）

Ross:

So,uh,how'sshedoing?

AuntLillian:

Thedoctorsaysit'samatterofhours.

Monica:

How-howareyou,Mom?

Mrs.Geller:

Me?

I'mfine,fine.I'mgladyou'rehere....What'swithyourhair?

Monica:

What?

Mrs.Geller:

What'sdifferent?

Monica:

Nothing.

Mrs.Geller:

Oh,maybethat'sit.

（MonicastridesovertoRoss,whoismakingcoffee,andtalkstohimaside.）

Monica:

Sheisunbelievable,ourmotheris...

Ross:

Okay,relax,relax.Wearegonnabehereforawhile,itlookslike,andwestillhaveboyfriendsandyourcareertocover.

Monica:

OhGod!

（Theyhug.）

[Cuttothehospital,later.EveryoneistalkingaboutNana.]

Monica:

Thefuzzylittlemintsatthebottomofherpurse.

Ross:

Oh!

...Yeah,theyweregross.Oh,youknowwhatIloved?

HerSweet'n'Los.Howshewasalwaysstealingthemfrom-fromrestaurants.

Mr.Geller:

Notjustrestaurants,fromourhouse.

（ThenursecomesoutofNana'sroom.）

Nurse:

Mrs.Geller?

（Everyonestandsup.CuttoRossandMonicainNana'sroom.）

Ross:

Shelookssosmall.

Monica:

Iknow.

Ross:

Well,atleastshe'swithPop-PopandAuntPhyllisnow.

Monica:

G'bye,Nana.（Shekissesherontheforehead.）

Ross:

Bye,Nana.

（Hegoestokissherbutshemoves.Monicascreams.Rossshoutsandstaresindisbelief.Monicarunsoutoftheroom.）

Monica:

Ross!

（Rossrunsouttoo.）

Mrs.Geller:

Whatisgoingon?

!

Ross:

Y'knowhow-howthenursesaidthat-thatNanahadpassed?

Well,she'snot,quite..

Mrs.Geller:

What?

Ross:

She'snot-past,she'spresent,she'sback.

AuntLillian:

（reentering）What'sgoingon?

Mr.Geller:

Shemayhavedied.

AuntLillian:

Shemayhavedied?

Mr.Geller:

We'relookingintoit.

（MonicareturnswiththenurseandtheygointoNana'sroom.）

Ross:

I,uh,I'llgosee.（Hegoesin）

Nurse:

Thisalmostneverhappens!

（Nanapassesforthesecondtimeandthenursepullstheblanketoverher.RossandMonicagototellthefamily）

Ross:

Nowshe'spassed.

[Scene:

CentralPerk,Chandler,Phoebe,Joey,andRachelarethere.]

Chandler:

Ijusthavetoknow,okay.Isitmyhair?

Rachel:

（exasperated）Yes,Chandler,that'sexactlywhatitis.It'syourhair.

Phoebe:

Yeah,youhavehomosexualhair.

（MonicaandRossenter.）

Rachel:

So,um,didshe...

Ross:

Twice.

Joey:

Twice?

Phoebe:

Oh,thatsucks!

Joey:

Youguysokay?

Ross:

Idunno,it'sweird.Imean,Iknowshe'sgone,butIjustdon'tfeel,uh...

Phoebe:

Maybethat's'causeshe'snotreallygone.

Ross:

Nono,she'sgone.

Monica:

Wechecked.Alot.

Phoebe:

Hm,Imeanmaybeno-oneeverreallygoes.Eversincemymomdied,everynowandthen,Igetthefeelingthatshe'slikerighthere,y'know?

（Shecirclesherhandaroundherrightshoulder.Chandler,sittingonherright,drawsbacknervously）Oh!

AndDebbie,mybestfriendfromjuniorhigh-gotstruckbylightningonaminiaturegolfcourse-IalwaysgetthisreallystrongDebbievibewheneverIuseoneofthoselittleyellowpencils,y'know?

...Imissher.

Rachel:

Aw.Hey,Pheebs,wantthis?

（Givesherapencil）

Phoebe:

Thanks!

Rachel:

Sure.Ijustsharpenedherthismorning.

Joey:

Now,see,Idon'tbelieveanyofthat.Ithinkonceyou'redead,you'redead!

You'regone!

You'rewormfood!

（realiseshistactlessness）...SoChandlerlooksgay,huh?

Phoebe:

Y'know,Idunnowhothisis,butit'snotDebbie.（Handsbackthepencil）

[Scene:

Nana'shouse,Ross,Mrs.GellerandAuntLillianaregoingthroughclothes.]

Ross:

Ithoughtitwasgonnabeaclosedcasket.

Mrs.Geller:

Well,thatdoesn'tmeanshecan'tlooknice!

（Theyopenacupboardwhich,amongstotherthings,containsachestofdrawers）

Mrs.Geller:

Sweetie,youthinkyoucangetinthere?

Ross:

（sarcastic）Idon'tseewhynot.

（Hetriespushingagainstthechestofdrawers.Thenheopensoneofthedrawersandclimbsintotheclosetusingthat;hefallsbehindthechestofdrawerswithashout.）

Ross:

Here'smyretainer!

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Monicaistalkingtoherfather.]

Mr.Geller:

Iwasjustthinking.Whenmytimecomes-

Monica:

Dad!

Mr.Geller:

Listentome!

Whenmytimecomes,Iwannabeburiedatsea.

Monica:

Youwhat?

Mr.Geller:

Iwannabeburiedatsea,itlookslikefun.

Monica:

Definefun.

Mr.Geller:

C'mon,you'llmakeadayofit!

You'llrentaboat,packalunch...

Monica:

...Andthenwethrowyourbodyinthewater...Gee,thatdoessoundfun.

Mr.Geller:

Everyonethinkstheyknowme.Everyonesays'JackGeller,sopredictable'.MaybeafterI'mgone,they'llsay'Buriedatsea!

Huh!

'.

Monica:

That'sprobablywhatthey'llsay.

Mr.Geller:

I'dlikethat.

[Scene:

Chandler'sOffice,Shelleyisdrinkingcoffee;Chandlerenters.]

Chandler:

Hey,gorgeous.

Shelley:

（sheepish）Hey.Look,I'msorryaboutyesterday,I,um-

Chandler:

No,nono,don't-don'tworryaboutit.Believeme,apparentlyotherpeoplehavemadethesamemistake.

Shelley:

Oh!

Okay!

Phew!

Chandler:

So,uh...whatdoyouthinkitisaboutme?

Shelley:

Idunno,uh...youjusthavea-a...

Chandler:

...Quality,right,great.

Shelley:

Y'know,it'sashame,becauseyouandLowellwould'vemadeagreatcouple.

Chandler:

Lowell?

FinancialServices'Lowell,that'swhoyousawmewith?

Shelley:

What?

He'scute!

Chandler:

Well,yeah...'s'noBrianinPayroll.

Shelley:

IsBrian...?

Chandler:

No!

Uh,Id'know!

Thepointis,ifyouweregonnasetmeupwithsomeone,I'dliketothinkyou'dsetmeupwithsomeonelikehim.

Shelley:

Well,IthinkBrian'salittleoutofyourleague.

Chandler:

Excuseme?

Youdon'tthinkIcouldgetaBrian?

BecauseIcouldgetaBrian.Believeyoume....I'mreallynot.

[Scene:

Nana'sBedroom,Rossisholdingadressoutfrominsidethecloset.]

Ross:

（holdingadressoutfrominsidethecloset）Thisone?

AuntLillian:

No.

Ross:

Ihaveshownyoueverythingwehave.Unlessyouwantyourmothertospendeternityinalemonyellowpant-suit,gowiththeburgundy.

AuntLillian:

Youknow,whateverwepick,shewould'vetoldusit'sthewrongone.

Mrs.Geller:

You'reright.We'llgowiththeburgundy.

Ross:

Oh!

Afinechoice.I'mcomingout.（Startstoclimboverthefurniture）

AuntLillian:

Wait!

Weneedshoes!

（Rossfallsbackinside）

Ross:

Okay.Um,howaboutthese?

（Holdsoutapair）

Mrs.Geller:

That'sreallyadayshoe.

Ross:

Andwhereshe'sgoingeveryoneelse'llbedressier?

AuntLillian:

Couldweseesomethinginaslimmerheel?

Ross:

（foragesaround）Okay,Ihavenothinginaneveningshoeintheburgundy.Icanshowyousomethinginasilverthatmaywork.

AuntLillian:

No,itreallyshouldbeburgundy.

Mrs.Geller:

Mm.Unlesswegowithadifferentdress?

Ross:

No!

Nonono,waitasec.Imayhavesomethingintheback.

（Hefindsashoebox（outofshot）,pullsitdownandopensit.ItisfullofSweet'n'Lo's.）

Ross:

OhmyGod..

Mrs.Geller:

Iseverythingallright,dear?

Ross:

Yeah,just...justNanastuff.

（Hereachesuphigherandknocksdownanothershoeboxlid.Sweet'n'Lo'sraindownonhim）

CommercialBreak

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Monica