绝望主妇字幕S220.docx
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绝望主妇字幕S220.docx
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绝望主妇字幕S220
Gabriellegotexactlywhatshewanted.Susangotfooledagain…AndBreegottoomuch…information.KarlMayerdidn’tprayoften,butwhenhedid,itwasusuallytoaskforGod’shelpinbreakingupwithawomanandtosparsehimthenastydramathatusuallyaccompaniedsuchcallousandunexpecteddepartures.Overtheyears,Karlhaddumpeddozensofwomen,andnotoneofthemhadeverseenitcoming.Everyretreatwasalwaysmeticulouslyplanned,rightdowntothepersonalizedstationary,hencehisrecordofsuccessfulgetawaysfromwomenwhodidnotwanttoseehimgo.SowhenhedecidedtobreakupwithEdieBritt,KarlprayedtoGodyetagaintohelphimavoidalltheunnecessarydrama.UnfortunatelyforKarl…Godwasinthemood…tobeentertained.Comeon!
Whatthehellisthis!
Edie,baby,calmdown.“Let’sbehonestwithourselves,Edie.Wehaven’tbeenhappyinalongtime”?
WhoareyoutotellmeIhaven’tbeenhappy.Youmiserablesonofabitch!
Ihavebeenecstatic!
Okay,I’mtheonewhohasn’tbeenhappy,then.Thenwhydidyouproposetome?
Idon’tknow.Ihavetoldeverywomaninthistownthatwearegettingmarried,andallyouhavetosaytomeis,“Idon’tknow”?
Oh,whatelsedoyouwantmetosay?
I’msorry.What’sgoingon?
Istheresomeoneelse?
Oh,myGod.Oh,crap.Comeon,comeon,comeon!
Ashesatthere,Karlcouldn’thelpbutwonderwhyGodhadforsakenhim.ItneveroccurredtohimthatGod…mightbeawoman.God,grantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange,thecouragetochangethethingsIcanandthewisdomtoknowthedifference…ThemembersoftheFairviewchapterofA.A.endedeverymeetingwithaprayer.AndwhilemostwereaskingGodforhelpinresistingtemptation,BreeVanDeKampwasbusythinkingthoughtsthatweredownrightsinful.…withhiminthenext.Amen.Keepcomingback.Itworksifyouworkit.Amen.Ithinkyou’dlovetheopera.Themusicandthevoices…It’sjustallso…passionate.Yeah,a300-poundssopranoseducingbaldingtenors.That’dbehot.Youmakingfunofme?
Huh?
Bree…Yes?
Maybealittlebit.What’sgoingonhere?
Claude?
Wemadeplans,remember?
I’msorry.Iwasjustabout…Yeah,Isawwhatyouwerejustabouttodo.I’msorry,Peter,but,uh,whoisthis?
ThisisClaude.He’smysponsor.Oh,yourA.A.sponsor?
No.I’mhisothersponsor.Formysexaddiction.Damnit,Peter.WhatdidItellyou?
Avoidlusttrigger.Andwhatisshe?
Comeon,don’tdothis,man.She’salusttrigger.Alusttrigger!
Um,excuseme.Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans,butcouldyoupleasestopsayingit?
Where’syourchip?
Giveittome.Doyourememberhowlowyou’dsunkwhenwemet?
Thisrepresents12monthsofhardwork,notgivingintoyoururges.Nowifyouwannablowallthatonthiswoman,justtellmenowsoIcanstopwastingmytimeworkingwithyou.Idon’twanttoblowit.Good.Thentelltheprettyladygood-byeandthatyoucan’tsocializewithheranymore.Anddoitquick.I’mhungry.Badnews.EdwantsustopushthroughtonightandfinishtheEdelsteinrealtypitch.Butwe’renotpresentingforanothertwoweeks.Whydon’twestarttomorrow?
ButhowthatwouldhelpEdavoidhismaritalproblems?
What?
Oh,he’sright.IheardEdfightingwithFranonthephoneeverydaythroughtheofficewalls.Thatwouldexplainallourworkinghours.Yeah,butyouluckedout,Scavo.Darlenetalkedhimintocuttingthepeoplewhohavekidsindaycareloose.Hey,great.Let’sgobeforehechangeshismind.Butthatdoesn’tincludeyou,MissseniorV.P.Edwantsyouintheconferenceroomnow.You’rekidding!
You’rehissecurityblanket,Lynette.Hestays,youstay.Jerry,canyouhelpmegetthekidsdowntothecar?
Yeah.Thanks,Jerry.Sure.Lynette?
Getthosemock-upstogether,willyou?
Jerry,Ididn’tknowyouhadakid.Yeah,um,outofwedlock.So…seeyouinthemorning.
I’msorryI’mlate.What’sgoingon?
KarlbrokeupwithEdie.Oh,myGod.Yeah,apparently,hewasseeingsomeone.Really?
Didhesaywhatitwas?
Iknowwhosheis.She’saman-eating,scum-suckingho-bag.No,hedidnotsay.Youknow,whenKarldumpedyou,Ithoughtthatitwasallyourfault.Yeah,Ifigurethat…youwereanagorbadinbed.ButnowI…nowIseeyouwerejustavictim,too.Wehaveabond,Susan.It’slikewe’resisters.There’sevenaprettyoneandanuglyone.Edie!
No,I’mjustsayingthatKarlscrewedusboth.Yes,likeyouwouldn’tbelieve.Guys,I’mallforbashingexes,butlet’ssavealittleofourhateforhispartnerincrime…theotherwoman.Yeah!
Youknow,they’realwayscomingupwiththeseexcusestojustifybeingahome-wrecker.Exactly!
Like,“Hewouldn’thavebeenwithmeifhewasgettingitathome.”Yeah,“Honey,you’retheloveofmylife.She’sjusttherunner-up.”oh,look,thebaby’sdoingsomethingreallycute.She’ssleeping.Likeanangel.Look,IthinkweallknowthatKarlisadog.Imean,butlet’sfaceit…ifthesetrampsweren’tlayingoutthebuffet,hewouldn’tbechowingdown.Well,everysituationisdifferent,andit’shardtojudgeuntilweknowallthedetails.Which…obviouslyIdon’tknow,becausehowwouldIknow?
She’saslutty,sluttywhore.Absolutely.Yeah.
Areyousuresheneedsthat?
Ijustputsunscreenonher.Yes,sheneedsthebonnet.Itcompletestheoutfit.Oh,forGod’ssakes,Gaby.She’snevertooyoungtostartaccessorizing.Besides,alltheneighborsareouttoday,andIwantthemtoseehowhappyweareandwishtheywereus.Uh,thebaby’sabeauty.Wethinkso,butwe’realittlebiased.Oh,wow,she’sgotmyeyes.Oh,I’mDale.DaleHelm,I’mthebaby’sbirthfather.Uh,well,hi,Dale.Nicetomeetyou.Alotofpeoplehavebeenlookingforyou.Yeah,Iknow,lawyersandstuff.IgotkindaheldupinFloridalongerthanIthought.Springbreak,right?
Yeah.On,man,wewerewasted24/7.ThenIgotthemessageandjustthoughtmyfriendsweremessingwithme.Thosebuttwads!
Well,it’sagoodthinghe’shere.Wecantakehimtothelawyer’soffice,andyoucansignoverfullcustodytous.Okay.Yeah,uh,thethingaboutthatis,I’mgonnawantthebaby.Comeon,youguys.Wedon’thavetomakethisugly.You’retryingtotakeourbaby!
Howisitnotgonnabeugly?
Justkeepwalking,Gaby.Don’tengagehim.Listen,Mr.Solis…No,youlisten!
Weweregrantedcustody.Ifyouwanther,youtalktothejudge.Hey,whatistheholdup?
TheytoldmeIgottatalktoajudge.Whatthehellareyoudoinghere,Frank?
It’shisbaby.Giveittohim!
Likehell!
Hey,Mrs.Solis,canIseethebaby?
No!
Dale,justdoitalready!
I’mnotjustgonnakidnapit.Whynot?
Theydid!
Itisyourbaby.Justtakeit!
Tryit.Frank?
Getin,youmoron.Anyway,itlookslikeyou’redoingagoodjobwithher.Dumb-ass!
Sheseemsclean.
AndlikeIsaid,wehavebeenveryhappyhere,andI’msueyou’llbe,too.Well,wejustloveit.Yeah.Oncethestairsarerepaired,I’llshowyouthebasement.What’sgoingon?
Thehousejustsold.Startpacking.Whydon’tyoujustputCalebinaninstitution?
It’swherehebelongsanyway.Mymomwouldneverletstrangerstakecareofhim.Thenwhydon’tyoucallthepolice?
Thenit’snotuptoher.IfIcallthepolice,mymomandIgotojailwithCaleb.We’vebeenhidingamurder.Now,look,ifwe…ifwedomove,IpromiseIwillcallyoueveryday.Idon’tneedaphonebuddy,Ineedaboyfriend!
Wouldyoucalmdown,please?
Don’ttellmewhattodo?
Youknow,Icouldgotothepolicemyself!
Danielle…Ijust…loveyousomuch.Iwoulddoanythingtokeepyouhere.Yeah,Iseethatnow.Youcan’tleavemealonehere.Youhavetothinkofsomething.Don’tworry.Iwill.
Whenareyoucominghome?
Atthisrate?
Never.He’skeepingyoulateandI’mhorny!
Whatdoyouwantmetodoaboutthat?
Whatdoyouwanttodo?
Makingcoffee…youwant?
Iwanttolickyoufromheadtofoot.Oh,myGod!
Ed?
Hey,I’msosorry,butobviouslythatwasjustmeantforTom’seyesonly.Honestmistake.Don’tevenworryaboutit.Okay.Thanks.Well,I’mgonnagobackinmyofficeandcontinuetofeellikeahugepervert.AtleastyouandTomhavealovelife.Well,wedothebestwecangiventhecircumstances.BetterthanFranandI.We’redeadinthedepartment.Idon’twannabotheryouwiththedetails.Iappreciatethat.Youknow,Ed…Idon’twannapryintoyourpersonalbusiness,butifyouarehavingproblemsinthatarea,youdon’thavetoberesignedtoit.Whatareyousuggesting,hookers?
No,EdFerraradoesn’tpayforsex.Imean,youandFrancouldspiceitupabit.Youknow,gettheoldjuicesflowingagain.Oh,Isee.Kindalike,uh…“I’dliketolickyoufromheadtofoot.”Okay,well,thatwasn’tmybestwork,butyoucan’tdenyresults.Iaminworks,andwhenIgohometonight,TomandIaregoingto…Okay,well,I’mgonnabeexhausted,soI’llprobablyjustlaythere.Buttrustme,Tomisgonnagototown.It’ssomethingtothinkabout,Lordknows.Youknowwhatthesadtruthis?
Ihavebeenthinkingabouthookers.Okay!
Uh,well,Ihopethathelped.AndI’mjustgonnagobackandfinishsowecanallgetoutofhere.
Letmeguess.You’renothereforabearclaw.No,I’mnot.You’rewastingyourtime.Look,youdon’thavetoworryaboutPeter,notwhilehe’swithme.Yeah?
Whyisthat?
Becausewhenitcomestosex,Ihaveanunwaveringmoralcompass.Truly.Amancouldbegandpleadalldaylong,anditwouldn’tmakeanydifference.So,sinceIhavesuchstrongself-control,there’sreallynoreasonforustoendourrelationship.Theguy’satickingbomb.Youhavenoideathedepravitythatcomeswiththedisease.Wakingupinastranger’sbedeverymorning…cruisingtheparkatnight,lookingforsomebodytogetoffwith,compulsivemasturbationeverychanceyouget!
Look,forguyslikePeterandme,there’snobeautyinthesex.It’sanemptyanduglycompulsion.Well,Iamso
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