Old Friends Season 4 E03.docx
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Old Friends Season 4 E03.docx
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OldFriendsSeason4E03
TheOneWithThe‘Cuffs
Joey:
Hey!
!
Wearesoinluck!
Treegersaidthatwecouldhaveallthiscoolstufffromthebasement.Waitrightthere.
Chandler:
Ohno-no-no,I’m,I’mpaddlingaway!
Joey:
Huh?
!
Chandler:
Wow!
Really?
!
Wegetallthisrustycrapforfree?
!
Joey:
Uh-huh.Thisandabunchofbubblewrap.And,someofitisnotevenpopped!
Chandler:
Couldwebemorewhitetrash?
Monica:
HowdesperateamI?
Rachel:
Oh!
GoodthingChandler’snothere,healwayswinsatthisgame.
Monica:
IjusttoldmyMomI’dcaterapartyforher.
Phoebe:
Howcome?
Monica:
BecauseIneedthemoney,andIthoughtthatit’dbeagreatwaytogetridofthatlastlittleschmidgenofself-respect.
Ross:
Comeon,Ithinkthisisagoodthing.Idon’tthinkMomwould’vehiredyouifshedidn’tthinkyouweregoodatwhatyoudo.
Monica:
Youdon’thavetostickupforher.Shecan’thereyou.
Rachel:
Hey!
Umm,doyouguyshaveanyjuice?
Joey:
Justpickle.
Chandler:
Heyuh,Rach,funnystory.Iah,bumpedintoJoannaonthestreetyesterday.
Rachel:
Myboss,Joanna?
Wow,thatmust’vebeenawkward.
Chandler:
Well,no,actuallysheuh,askedmeifIwantedtogetadrink.
Rachel:
Youah,youdidn’tsay‘Yes’tothatdidyou?
Chandler:
No.No!
Joanna:
Hello,Rachel.
Chandler:
Well,notatfirst.
Rachel:
Whatisshedoinghere?
Rachel:
Idon’tunderstand!
Lasttimeyouwentoutwithheryousaidshewasa‘big,dulldud.’
Chandler:
Well,IthinkIjudgedhertooquickly,andthistimewewereabletotaketherelationshiptothenextlevel.
Rachel:
Well,lasttimeIalmostgotfired.Youmustendit,youmustenditnow!
Chandler:
Oh,comeon!
It’snotlikethisisaneverydayoccurrenceforme!
ImeanusuallyI’mprettymuchjustintherebymyself.
Rachel:
Chandler!
!
Promiseme,youwillendit.
Chandler:
Okay,Ipromise,I’llendit.
Rachel:
Thankyou.
Chandler:
IhopeyouknowwhatI’mgivingupforya,becauseshe’snotjustthebossinyouroffice,ifyouknowwhatImean.
Joey:
Yeah-eh-eah!
Oh-oh,sorry,I-Iknewwhathemeant.
Mrs.Geller:
How’sthehiredhelp?
Monica:
Doinggreat,thequichesarecomingalong.
Mrs.Geller:
What’sthis?
Bluenailpolish?
Monica:
Yeah,Ithoughtitwascute.
Mrs.Geller:
Ahh,that’swhatyourGrandmother’shandslookedlikewhenwefoundher.
Monica:
Letmeaskyouaquestion.
Mrs.Geller:
Hmm.
Monica:
Whydidyouhireme?
Mrs.Geller:
Oh,wellRichardravedaboutthefoodathisparty,ofcourseyouweresleepingwithhim.ThenIheardthefoodatthatlesbianweddingwasverynice,Iassumeyouweren’tsleepingwithanybodythere.Though,atleastthatwouldbesomething.
Monica:
OhmyGod!
Didyouhearthat?
ShehiredmebecauseshethinksI’mgood.
Phoebe:
Okay,Ididn’thearthat.
Monica:
Ohyeah,shedidn’thiremeoutofpity,itwasn’tsoshecouldpickonmeinfrontofherfriends,sheactuallythinksI’mgood.
Phoebe:
Wow!
Andhey,it’scoolifyou’realesbian!
TheSalesman:
Goodafternoon,areyouthedecisionmakerofthehouse?
Joey:
Uhhhh.
TheSalesman:
Doyouah,currentlyownasetofencyclopedias?
Joey:
No!
No.Butah,trytheclassifieds,peopleselleverythinginthere.
TheSalesman:
Actually,I’mnotbuying.I’mselling.Letmeaskyouonequestion.Doyourfriendseverhaveaconversationandyoujustnodalongeventhoughyou’renotreallysurewhatthey’retalkingabout?
Ross:
…I’mtellingyouit’stotallyunconstituional.
Monica,Chandler,Phoebe,andRachel:
Ohyeah,Itotallyagree.
Monica:
…IthinkhedeservesaNobelPrize.
All:
Nooo!
!
Chandler:
…itwasliketheAlgonquinkidstable.
TheSalesman:
Excuseme,I’msorry,youhaven’tsaidanythingforabouttwoandahalfminutes,areyouatallinterested?
Joey:
Yeah-well-yeah!
Yeah-oh-yeah.Comeonin.
Phoebe:
That’sweird.
Monica:
What?
Phoebe:
Yournails.
Monica:
Oh,Iknow,Ineverwearfakeones.IjustdiditsomyMomwouldn’tgivemegriefaboutmebitingthem.
Phoebe:
Oh,no,Imeantthatit’sweirdthatyouonlyhaveninenow.
Monica:
OhmyGod.Waitaminute,Ihadthemput…OhmyGod!
It’sinthequiche!
OhMyGod!
Phoebe:
Okay,don’tpanic.I’mgonnagotothestore,I’mgonnagetyouanothersetofnails,noone’sgonnaknow,andyou’regonnalookgreat.Oh!
Oh,it’s‘causethey’regonnaeat—that’stheproblem.
Mrs.Geller:
Honey,don’tbiteyournails.
Monica:
Okayah,pleasedon’tfreakout.Umm,butah,there’sabluefingernailinoneofthequichecups,andthere’snowaytoknowwhichone.
Phoebe:
And!
Whoeverfindsitwinstheprize!
Mrs.Geller:
I’mnotfreakingout.
Monica:
Thenwhyareyoulaughing?
Mrs.Geller:
It’snothing,it’sjustthatnowyourFatherowesmefivedollars.
Monica:
What?
YoubetI’dloseanail?
Mrs.Geller:
Ohno,don’tbesilly.IjustbetI’dneedthese.
Monica:
Frozenlasagnas?
Mrs.Geller:
Um-hmm.
Monica:
YoubetthatI’dscrewup?
!
SoallthatstuffabouthiringmebecauseIwasgoodwas…
Mrs.Geller:
No-no-no,thatwasalltrue.ThiswasjustincaseyoupulledaMonica.
Monica:
YoupromisedDr.Weinburg,you’dneverusethatphrase.
Mrs.Geller:
Ohhoney,comeon,haveasenseofhumour,you’veneverbeenabletolaughatyourself.
Monica:
That’sright.MyMomdoesn’thaveanyfaithinme!
Oh,that’shilarious!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Phoebe:
Idon’tgetit.
Mrs.Geller:
No,Ihavefaith…
Monica:
No!
Youhavelasagnas!
Oven:
Ding!
Phoebe:
Op,theruinedquichesareready.
Chandler:
Itjustdoesn’t…feellikewe’rebreakingup.
Joanna:
No,weare.I’msad.
Chandler:
Okay.
Joanna:
Yes.Uh,can’tyouwaituntiltomorrow?
Allright.Unbelievable!
!
Chandler:
Thanks.
Joanna:
No,no,thatwasmyboss.Ihavetogo.
Chandler:
Okay.
Joanna:
Whatareyoudoing?
Chandler:
I’mgettingdressed.
Joanna:
Why?
Chandler:
WhenIwalkoutsidenakedpeoplethrowgarbageatme.
Joanna:
Wait.Iwannashowyousomething.
Chandler:
Whatisit?
Joanna:
Justalittlegaggiftsomebodygaveme.Putyourhandstogether.
Chandler:
Ah-ha,you’renotthebossofme.Yeah,youare!
Ooh,saucy.
Joanna:
I’llbebackintenminutes.
Chandler:
Youare,you’regonnaleavemelikethis?
Joanna:
Knowingyou’rehere,waitingformeIthinkit’skindaexciting.
Chandler:
Okay.Butifyoudon’tcomebacksoon,there’sprettymuchnothingIcandoaboutit!
Joanna:
Oh.
Sophie:
Hi!
Ibroughtyoubackamacaroon!
Joanna:
Ohgreat!
I’llkeepitinmybuttwithyournose.
Rachel:
That’sweird,shelockedthedoor.
Sophie:
Y’knowwhy?
She’sgottheChristmasbonuslistinthere.Isawherworkingonitthismorning.
Rachel:
Okay,swearyouwon’ttell,butwhenMarklefthegavemeakeytoJoanna’soffice.Doyouwannaseethelist?
Sophie:
Yeah!
Chandler:
Hi!
Howareyou?
Chandler:
Hello,Joanna…’soffice.
Joanna:
I’mreallysorrybutImaybealittlewhilelonger.
Chandler:
Howlittle?
!
Joanna:
Acoupleofhours,Ifeelawful.
Chandler:
Look,thisisn’tfunny!
Yougetbackhererightnow!
Joanna:
Ican’t!
!
Chandler:
Whynot?
!
Joanna:
I’minmyboss’scar!
Chandler:
What?
!
Joanna:
Uh-oh,tunnel.
Rachel:
What?
!
Chandler:
Rachel,couldIseeyouforamoment?
Chandler:
Okay,here’sthesituation.Thekeystothecuffsareonthebackofthedoor.Couldyoubeadollandgrabthemandscootonoverandunlockme?
Andonatotallydifferentsubject,thatisalovelypantsuit.
Rachel:
Youpromisedyouwouldbreakupwithher!
Chandler:
Ididbreakupwithher!
Shejusttookitreally,reallywell!
Rachel:
Andthefactthatyouwerejeopardisingmycareerneverenteredyourmind?
!
Chandler:
Itdidentermymind!
Butthensomethinghappenedthatmadeit,shootrightout.
Rachel:
Y'knowwhatChandler,yougotyourselfintothosecuffs,yougetyourselfoutofthem.
Chandler:
No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
!
Ican’tgetmyselfrightoutofthem!
YoumusthavemeconfusedwiththeAmazingChandler!
!
Comeon,youhavetounlockme,shecouldbegoneforhours,andI’mcold,and
Rachel:
Oh,Chandler!
!
Allright,thisisit!
YouneverseeJoannaagain!
Chandler:
Never!
Rachel:
Younevercomeintothisofficeagain!
Chandler:
Fine!
Rachel:
YougivemebackmyWalkman!
Chandler:
I—neverborrowedyourWalkman.
Rachel:
Well,thenIlostit.Youbuymeone!
Chandler:
Yougotit!
Herewego!
Comeon!
Thisisgreat!
Ahhh!
Rachel:
Doesithurt?
Chandler:
No,Ijustalwaysseeguysdoingthiswhentheygethandcuffstakenoffthem.Hellosweetpants!
Rachel:
Waitaminute!
WhatareyougonnatellJoanna?
Chandler:
Aboutwhat?
Rachel:
Whensheseesthatyou’regone,she’sgonnaknowthatIletyouout,andthatIwasinhere,andI’mgonnagetfired!
Chandler:
I’llmakesomethingup!
I’mgoodatlying,IactuallydidborrowyourWalkman!
Rachel:
No,there’snothingtomakeup,she’sgonnaknowthatIhaveakeytoheroffice,I’vegottogetyoulockedupbackthewayyouwere!
Chandler:
Oh-ho-ho,Idon’tthinkso!
Chandler:
Well,thisismuchbetter.
TheSalesman:
So,here’ssomebodyinteresting,Joey.WhatdoyouknowaboutVanGogh?
Joey:
Hecutoffhisear.
TheSalesman:
And?
Joey:
I’mout.
TheSalesman:
Hepaintedthat.
Joey:
Wow!
That’sprettynice.Ithoughthecutoffhisear‘causehesucked.Whatelseyougotinthere?
TheSalesman:
Let’ssee,ahhh…WheredoesthePopelive?
Joey:
Inthewoods.Nowait-wait,that’sthejokeanswer.
TheSalesman:
Actuallyits,VaticanCity.Nowahh,whatdoyouknowaboutvulcanisedrubber?
Joey:
Spock’sbirthcontrol.
TheSalesman:
Youneedthesebooks.
Phoebe:
Hey!
Monica:
Hi.
Phoebe:
Thisusedtobeyourroom?
Wow!
Youmust’vebeeninreallygoodshapeasakid.
Monica:
Ohh,I’msuchanidiot.Ican’tbelieveIactuallythoughtshecouldchange.
Phoebe:
Well,whocareswhatyourMomthinks?
SoyoupulledaMonica.
Monica:
Ohgood,I’mgladthat’scatchingon.
Phoebe:
Nobut,whydoesthathaveto
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- Old Friends Season E03