TED英语演讲真正的强大.docx
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TED英语演讲真正的强大.docx
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TED英语演讲真正的强大
TED英语演讲:
真正的强大
有多少人能够正视自己的弱点,接受它,并且坚信即使这样的自己不完美,但也值得被爱?
比起如果把自己伪装、硬撑得完美起来,接受自己的不完美,并承认那才是一切创造力、勇气和革新的发源地,才是快乐的最简单方式。
下面是小编为大家收集关于TED英语演讲:
真正的强大,欢迎借鉴参考。
TED演讲:
真正的强大,是敢于面对那个脆弱而不完美的自己
演讲稿
So,I'llstartwiththis:
acoupleyearsago,aneventplannercalledmebecauseIwasgoingtodoaspeakingevent.Andshecalled,andshesaid,"I'mreallystrugglingwithhowtowriteaboutyouonthelittleflyer."AndIthought,"Well,what'sthestruggle?
"Andshesaid,"Well,Isawyouspeak,andI'mgoingtocallyouaresearcher,Ithink,butI'mafraidifIcallyouaresearcher,noonewillcome,becausethey'llthinkyou'reboringandirrelevant."
AndIwaslike,"Okay."Andshesaid,"ButthethingIlikedaboutyourtalkisyou'reastoryteller.SoIthinkwhatI'lldoisjustcallyouastoryteller."Andofcourse,theacademic,insecurepartofmewaslike,"You'regoingtocallmeawhat?
"Andshesaid,"I'mgoingtocallyouastoryteller."AndIwaslike,"Whynot'magicpixie'?
"
Iwaslike,"Letmethinkaboutthisforasecond."Itriedtocalldeeponmycourage.AndIthought,youknow,Iamastoryteller.I'maqualitativeresearcher.Icollectstories;that'swhatIdo.Andmaybestoriesarejustdatawithasoul.AndmaybeI'mjustastoryteller.AndsoIsaid,"Youknowwhat?
Whydon'tyoujustsayI'maresearcher-storyteller."Andshewent,"Haha.There'snosuchthing."
SoI'maresearcher-storyteller,andI'mgoingtotalktoyoutoday--we'retalkingaboutexpandingperception--andsoIwanttotalktoyouandtellsomestoriesaboutapieceofmyresearchthatfundamentallyexpandedmyperceptionandreallyactuallychangedthewaythatIliveandloveandworkandparent.
Andthisiswheremystorystarts.WhenIwasayoungresearcher,doctoralstudent,myfirstyear,Ihadaresearchprofessorwhosaidtous,"Here'sthething,ifyoucannotmeasureit,itdoesnotexist."AndIthoughthewasjustsweet-talkingme.Iwaslike,"Really?
"andhewaslike,"Absolutely."AndsoyouhavetounderstandthatIhaveabachelor'sandamaster'sinsocialwork,andIwasgettingmyPh.D.insocialwork,somyentireacademiccareerwassurroundedbypeoplewhokindofbelievedinthe"life'smessy,loveit."AndI'mmoreofthe,"life'smessy,cleanitup,organizeitandputitintoabentobox."
AndsotothinkthatIhadfoundmyway,tofoundacareerthattakesme--really,oneofthebigsayingsinsocialworkis,"Leanintothediscomfortofthework."AndI'mlike,knockdiscomfortupsidetheheadandmoveitoverandgetallA's.Thatwasmymantra.SoIwasveryexcitedaboutthis.AndsoIthought,youknowwhat,thisisthecareerforme,becauseIaminterestedinsomemessytopics.ButIwanttobeabletomakethemnotmessy.Iwanttounderstandthem.IwanttohackintothesethingsthatIknowareimportantandlaythecodeoutforeveryonetosee.
SowhereIstartedwaswithconnection.Because,bythetimeyou'reasocialworkerfor10years,whatyourealizeisthatconnectioniswhywe'rehere.It'swhatgivespurposeandmeaningtoourlives.Thisiswhatit'sallabout.Itdoesn'tmatterwhetheryoutalktopeoplewhoworkinsocialjustice,mentalhealthandabuseandneglect,whatweknowisthatconnection,theabilitytofeelconnected,is--neurobiologicallythat'showwe'rewired--it'swhywe'rehere.
SoIthought,youknowwhat,I'mgoingtostartwithconnection.Well,youknowthatsituationwhereyougetanevaluationfromyourboss,andshetellsyou37thingsthatyoudoreallyawesome,andone"opportunityforgrowth?
"
Andallyoucanthinkaboutisthatopportunityforgrowth,right?
Well,apparentlythisisthewaymyworkwentaswell,because,whenyouaskpeopleaboutlove,theytellyouaboutheartbreak.Whenyouaskpeopleaboutbelonging,they'lltellyoutheirmostexcruciatingexperiencesofbeingexcluded.Andwhenyouaskpeopleaboutconnection,thestoriestheytoldmewereaboutdisconnection.
Soveryquickly--reallyaboutsixweeksintothisresearch--IranintothisunnamedthingthatabsolutelyunraveledconnectioninawaythatIdidn'tunderstandorhadneverseen.AndsoIpulledbackoutoftheresearchandthought,Ineedtofigureoutwhatthisis.Anditturnedouttobeshame.Andshameisreallyeasilyunderstoodasthefearofdisconnection:
Istheresomethingaboutmethat,ifotherpeopleknowitorseeit,thatIwon'tbeworthyofconnection?
ThethingsIcantellyouaboutit:
It'suniversal;weallhaveit.Theonlypeoplewhodon'texperienceshamehavenocapacityforhumanempathyorconnection.Noonewantstotalkaboutit,andthelessyoutalkaboutit,themoreyouhaveit.Whatunderpinnedthisshame,this"I'mnotgoodenough,"--which,weallknowthatfeeling:
"I'mnotblankenough.I'mnotthinenough,richenough,beautifulenough,smartenough,promotedenough."Thethingthatunderpinnedthiswasexcruciatingvulnerability.Thisideaof,inorderforconnectiontohappen,wehavetoallowourselvestobeseen,reallyseen.
AndyouknowhowIfeelaboutvulnerability.Ihatevulnerability.AndsoIthought,thisismychancetobeatitbackwithmymeasuringstick.I'mgoingin,I'mgoingtofigurethisstuffout,I'mgoingtospendayear,I'mgoingtototallydeconstructshame,I'mgoingtounderstandhowvulnerabilityworks,andI'mgoingtooutsmartit.SoIwasready,andIwasreallyexcited.Asyouknow,it'snotgoingtoturnoutwell.
Youknowthis.So,Icouldtellyoualotaboutshame,butI'dhavetoborroweveryoneelse'stime.Buthere'swhatIcantellyouthatitboilsdownto--andthismaybeoneofthemostimportantthingsthatI'veeverlearnedinthedecadeofdoingthisresearch.
Myoneyearturnedintosixyears:
Thousandsofstories,hundredsoflonginterviews,focusgroups.Atonepoint,peopleweresendingmejournalpagesandsendingmetheirstories--thousandsofpiecesofdatainsixyears.AndIkindofgotahandleonit.Ikindofunderstood,thisiswhatshameis,thisishowitworks.Iwroteabook,Ipublishedatheory,butsomethingwasnotokay--andwhatitwasisthat,ifIroughlytookthepeopleIinterviewedanddividedthemintopeoplewhoreallyhaveasenseofworthiness--that'swhatthiscomesdownto,asenseofworthiness--theyhaveastrongsenseofloveandbelonging--andfolkswhostruggleforit,andfolkswhoarealwayswonderingifthey'regoodenough.
Therewasonlyonevariablethatseparatedthepeoplewhohaveastrongsenseofloveandbelongingandthepeoplewhoreallystruggleforit.Andthatwas,thepeoplewhohaveastrongsenseofloveandbelongingbelievethey'reworthyofloveandbelonging.That'sit.Theybelievethey'reworthy.Andtome,thehardpartoftheonethingthatkeepsusoutofconnectionisourfearthatwe'renotworthyofconnection,wassomethingthat,personallyandprofessionally,IfeltlikeIneededtounderstandbetter.SowhatIdidisItookalloftheinterviewswhereIsawworthiness,whereIsawpeoplelivingthatway,andjustlookedatthose.
Whatdothesepeoplehaveincommon?
Ihaveaslightofficesupplyaddiction,butthat'sanothertalk.SoIhadamanilafolder,andIhadaSharpie,andIwaslike,whatamIgoingtocallthisresearch?
Andthefirstwordsthatcametomymindwere"whole-hearted."Thesearewhole-heartedpeople,livingfromthisdeepsenseofworthiness.SoIwroteatthetopofthemanilafolder,andIstartedlookingatthedata.Infact,Ididitfirstinafour-day,veryintensivedataanalysis,whereIwentback,pulledtheinterviews,thestories,pulledtheincidents.What'sthetheme?
What'sthepattern?
MyhusbandlefttownwiththekidsbecauseIalwaysgointothisJacksonPollockcrazything,whereI'mjustwritingandinmyresearchermode.
Andsohere'swhatIfound.Whattheyhadincommonwasasenseofcourage.AndIwanttoseparatecourageandbraveryforyouforaminute.Courage,theoriginaldefinitionofcourage,whenitfirstcameintotheEnglishlanguage--it'sfromtheLatinword"cor,"meaning"heart"--andtheoriginaldefinitionwastotellthestoryofwhoyouarewithyourwholeheart.Andsothesefolkshad,verysimply,thecouragetobeimperfect.Theyhadthecompassiontobekindtothemselvesfirstandthentoothers,because,asitturnsout,wecan'tpracticecompassionwithotherpeopleifwecan'ttreatourselveskindly.Andthelastwastheyhadconnection,and--thiswasthehardpart--asaresultofauthenticity,theywerewillingtoletgoofwhotheythoughttheyshouldbeinordertobewhotheywere,whichyouhavetoabsolutelydothatforconnection.
Theotherthingthattheyhadincommonwasthis:
Theyfullyembracedvulnerability.Theybelievedthatwhatmadethemvulnerablemadethembeautiful.Theydidn'ttalkaboutvulnerabilitybeingcomfortable,nordidtheyreallytalkaboutitbeingexcruciating--asIhadhearditearlierintheshameinterviewing.Theyjusttalkedaboutitbeingnecessary.Theytalkedaboutthewillingnesstosay,"Iloveyou"first...thewillingnesstodosomethingwheretherearenoguarantees...thewillingnesstobreathethroughwaitingforthedoctortocallafteryourmammogram.They'rewillingtoinvestinarelationshipthatmayormaynotworkout.Theythoughtthiswasfundamental.
Ipersonallythoughtitwasbetrayal.IcouldnotbelieveIhadpledgedallegiancetoresearch,whereourjob--youknow,thedefinitionofresearchistocontrolandpredict,tostudyphenomenafortheexplicitreasontocontrolandpredict.Andnowmymissiontocontrolandpredicthadturneduptheanswerthatthewaytoliveiswithvulnerabilityandtostopcontrollingandpredicting.Thisledtoalittlebreakdown--
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