爆笑英语笑话你的钟准吗.docx
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爆笑英语笑话你的钟准吗.docx
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爆笑英语笑话你的钟准吗
爆笑英语笑话:
你的钟准吗
关键词:
笑话
Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?
"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?
”
愚蠢的问题
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。
每天都有数千人经过他的门口,而且许多人都会停下来问他:
“请问现在几点?
”
几个月后,丹想:
“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了,我要去买一只大钟,把它挂在这儿的墙上。
”于是他买了一只钟,把它挂在了墙上。
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。
”他高兴地想。
可是打那以后,每天仍有许多人停下来,看看钟,然后问丹:
“这钟准吗?
”
吃零食学英语
“地球村”时代,英语和中文也全球化了。
爱吃零食的你怎能不会看包装袋的英文呢?
小心哦,不要一不留神,营养没跟上,脂肪增加不少了哟。
健康又美味,包装英语跟我学!
国外食品的包装上,都有非常完整的“营养明细”nutritionfacts,不过,国内许多产品的包装
上也开始印上英文罗。
现在,让我们好好比较比较,看看食品包装上中、英文名称的大不同
吧。
我们在商店买到的饼干包装上,有完整的“产品成份”ingredients//标示,但在国外许多食品
的包装上,还可以看到以下的内容:
NutritionFactsServingSize5pieces(55g)ServingsPerContainerAbout5
AmountPerServing
Calories150FatCal.50%DV*
TotalFat8g10%
Sat.Fat5g17%
Cholesterol0mg0%
Sodium155mg6%
TotalCarb.20g6%
Fiber0g0%
Sugars10g
Protein5g
VitaminA0%VitaminC0%
Calcium3%Iron5%
*PercentDailyValues(DV)arebasedona2,000caloriediet.
营养明细每份五片(55克)每包约5份
每份含量
热量150卡50卡来自脂肪
占每日所需标准百分比*
脂肪总量8克10%
饱和脂肪5克17%
胆固醇0毫克0%
钠155毫克6%
碳水化合物总量20克6%
纤维质0克0%
糖10克
蛋白质5克
维化命A0%维他命C0%
钙3%铁5%
*每日所需标准百分比,是以热量2000卡之膳食为计算标准。
以下是食品包装营养明细表上常会出现的字,赶快认识,谨记心上吧!
calorie//热量,卡路里
caloriesfromfat来自脂肪热量(有些包装会简写为fatcal.)
%dailyvalue每日所需标准百分比(有些包装会简写为%DV)
fat//脂肪
saturatedfat//饱和脂肪(有些包装会简写为sat.fat)
cholesterol//胆固醇(有些包装会简写为cholest.)
sodium//钠
carbohydrate//碳水化合物(有些包装会简写为carb.)
dietaryfiber//膳食纤维
sugar//糖
protein//蛋白质
calcium//钙
iron//铁
thiamin(e)//维他命B1
riboflavin//核黄素
niacin//尼克酸
folicacid//叶酸
phosphorus//磷
nopreservatives//无防腐剂
englishjoke小笑话
关键词:
笑话
One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.
Girl:
Father, I have sinned.
Preacher:
What did you do, little girl¡
Girl:
Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.
Preacher:
Why¡ What did he do to you¡
Girl:
He touched my breast.
Preacher:
You mean like this¡ (The guy did it.)
Girl:
(A little shy from the touch) Yes.
Preacher:
Thats no reason to call him that.
Girl:
But he also took off my cloth.
Preacher:
You mean like this¡ (He did it again.)
Girl:
Yes, thats what he did.
Preacher:
Thats still no reason to call him that.
Girl:
And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...
Preacher:
(evil laugh...) You mean like this¡ (And you-know-what)
Girl:
(After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did...
Preacher:
My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a...
Girl:
But he had AIDS!
!
Preacher:
THAT SON OF A BITCH!
!
!
JOKE|英语小笑话
关键词:
笑话
JOKE 1
Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day):
I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.
Husband:
I wish that too, so I could change you daily
JOKE 2
A little boy asked his father:
Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied:
I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!
!
JOKE 3
At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him:
what are you doing?
The son replied:
Dad I am fed up with my life!
My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other!
I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!
!
!
I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!
!
!
Father said:
Wait!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
I am coming with you
JOKE 4
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answered:
Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?
The husband laughed and said:
An English girl!
!
!
The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picked her up in the airport and asked:
So honey, how was the trip?
The wife:
Very good, thank you.
The husband:
And, what happened to my present?
The wife:
Which present?
The husband:
What I asked for:
the English girl?
The wife:
Oh, that!
Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait a few months to see if it’s a girl!
!
!
JOKE 5
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn 't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?
" The husband replies, "autumn. "
JOKE 6
A man is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks(打) him on the head with a frying pan. "What the hell was that for?
" he asks. "That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name Mary Ellen written on it, " she replies. Don 't be silly, " he says. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races(赛马),Mary Ellen was thename of oneofthehorsesIbet on. " She seems satisfied at this, and she apologizes. Three days later he 's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails(打,俚语)him withan even bigger frying pan,knocking him out cold. When he comes around, he asks again, "What the hell was that for?
" "Your fucking horse just phoned. "
JOKE 7
Wife to husband:
you were so drunk last night that you insulted your boss.
Husband:
piss on him!
Wife:
you did and he fired you!
Husband:
fuck him!
Wife:
I did and you can go back to work tomorrow.
JOKE 8
A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules(骡子) and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?
" "Yep, " the husband replied, "in-laws ".
英文简历
关键词:
笑话
面试人员给一位前来应征的男士一张履历表,于是就填了这样的信息——
姓名:
English or Chinese英文的还是中文的?
年龄:
Confidential(这是私人问题)
身高:
Not related to the job(这跟工作有关系么)
体重:
Varies all the time before lunch or after(随时改变,饭前饭后都不同)
居住地:
At what stage of my life please be more specific(那是一个特别的地方,我生命的舞台)
电话:
Ericsson(爱立信手机)
电子邮件:
Only give to pretty and rich girls(只留给漂亮和富有的女孩)
上班时间:
The shorter the better(越短越好)
应征职位:
A position that has not much to do but surround by pretty and young girls(找一个不做什么实事,但能被美女包围的职位)
学历:
Graduated at the wild chicken university(毕业于一个你找不着的大学)
语言能力:
Fluent in bullshits(侃大山是专长)
兴趣:
Sleeping and sleeping(睡得天昏地暗)
生日:
正月初七
经历:
Fooling around all the time(游戏人生)
曾任职位:
Decent or not decentplease be more specific(高级的或者低级的都是一种经历)
已婚未婚:
Still looking for a rich and beautiful girlhopefully can find in your company(我正在寻找漂亮又富有的女孩,希望在你们公司能找到)
未来期望:
Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible(只负责主席台讲话,并且希望尽早退休)
希望待遇:
Lesser workload the better(比实际工作量拿得多就行)
英语笑话翻译集锦
关键词:
笑话
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says:
"God, what is a million dollars to you?
" and God says:
"A penny", then the man says:
"God, what is a million years to you?
" and God says:
"a second", then the man says:
"God, can I have a penny?
" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:
"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?
"上帝回答:
"一便士."男子又问:
"那一百万年呢?
"上帝说:
"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:
"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?
"上帝回答:
"过一秒钟."
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong?
I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:
"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:
"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:
"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:
"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:
"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:
"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:
"什么不对劲?
我可是在七喜公司工作呀!
"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow!
That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!
!
!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:
"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:
"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:
"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:
"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:
"哇!
那是座大桥耶...注满水!
!
!
"
My Baby Swallowed a Bullet
Young Mother:
"Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?
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