SOUTH PARK1114.docx
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SOUTH PARK1114.docx
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SOUTHPARK1114
SOUTHPARK
11X14-THELIST
OriginalAirdate(COM):
14-NOV-2007
"SOUTHPARK"andotherrelatedentitiesareowned,(TM)and?
byTREYPARKER&MATTSTONEviaCOMEDYCENTRALandCOMEDYPARTNERSinassociationwithIMPORTANTTELEVISION.Thistranscriptispostedherewithouttheirpermission,approval,authorizationorendorsement.Anyreproduction,duplication,distributionordisplayofthismaterialinanyformorbyanymeansisexpresslyprohibited.Itisabsolutelyforbiddentouseitforcommercialgain.Forentertainmentandeducationalpurposesonly.Noinfringementintended.
==========================
SUMMARY:
==========================
Thegirlsinthefourthgradeclasshavemadeasecretlistthatrateseveryboy'slooksfromcutesttougliest.Whentheboysstealthelistthatratescutesttougliestfromthegirls,theyaren'treallypreparedtodealwiththeresults.StanandKyleareabouttodiscoverhowmanipulativeandpsychoticlittlegirlscanbe.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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[Theschoolcafeteria.Itlookslikeit'sbeenremodeled.AtthetableatcentersitKyle,Stan,Craig,Kenny,Cartman,Clyde,andToken]
Butters:
[runstowardsthetablebreathlessly]Fellas!
Fellas!
It's-Ohmygod!
You'renotgonnabelievethis!
Stan:
Dude,Butters,calmdown.
Butters:
Okay.[takesagulpofairandlooksaround]Okay.IwastalkingtoPeteWetchney,andhesaidthatDannyChadwicksaidthathissistertoldhimthatthegirlsinourclasshavealistthatrateseveryboy'slooksfromcutesttougliest.
Craig:
Sowhodotheysayisthecutest?
Butters:
Idonno.
Token:
Whodotheysayistheugliest?
Butters:
Idon'tknow.Ihit'slikeagirlthing.Theywon'tletanybodyseethelistbutthem.[turnsaroundandlooksatthem.Theotherboyslookaswell.Nearby,thegirlschatamongstthemselves,noticetheboys,thenlaugh.Bebeholdsupanotebook]
Cartman:
[mad]Theycan'tdothat.Whoaretheytojudgeusonhowwelook?
Stan:
Yeah.Youthinktheyrateusjustforlooks,ortheytakepersonalityintoaccount?
Clyde:
Ifit'sjustlooksthenIthinkI'msafe.
Kyle:
Youguys,whocaresifthegirlsmakesomestupidlist?
Girlsmakedumblistsallthetime.
Cartman:
[withadoublecheeseburgerinhislefthand]Yeah,Kyle'sright.Screwit;wehavebetterthingstoworryabout.
Craig:
You'rejustsayingthatbecauseyouknowyou'regonnabeverylastonthelist!
Cartman:
Ohplease,Idon'tthinkso,Craig!
ChicksthinkI'mwayhotterthanyou!
Craig:
Youdon'tthinktheyputthefattuboftardatthebottom?
Cartman:
No,becausepeopleknowI'mnotfat!
I'mbuff.Theyprobablyputyouatthebottomofthelistbecauseyouhavefuckedupteeath!
OrKenny's'caurehispoor.
Kenny:
(Theydidn'tputmeatthebottom,didthey?
)
Cartman:
Kenny,faceit:
Girlsdon'twannaPopTartsfordinnereverynightwhentheygetmarried.
Butters:
Youdon'tthinktheysaidI'mtheugliestboyintheclass,doya?
Welliftheydid,myparentswillgroundme.
Kyle:
Youguys,doyoureallycarewhatabunchofgilrshavetosayabouthowyourankinlooks?
!
[theboyslookateachotherforafewseconds.]
[Thehallway,afterlunch.Bebe'satherlocker.Cartmanleadsasmallgroupofboystoher.]
Cartman:
Allright,Bebe,let'sseethelist.
Bebe:
[turnsherheadtolookathim]What?
?
Cartman:
YouknowwhatI'mtalkingabout,bitch!
Thelistwhereyouratethelooksofeachboyintheclass!
Bebe:
That'snotforboystolookat!
It'sasecretgirllistandYOUcan'tseeit!
Cartman:
Craigisonthebottom,right?
OrisitKenny'causeyou'dbeeatingPopTartsfordinnerifyoumarriedhim.
Bebe:
I'mnot...[slamsherlockerdoorshut]telling!
Andanyway,I'mnotthelistkeeper,Nellyis!
AndNellywillneverletyoulookatit,sothere!
[stickshertongueoutandblowsaraspberryathim,thenwalksaway]
Cartman:
[blowsastrongraspberryback]FuckyouBebe!
Fuckyoubitch!
Bebe:
[disappointed]Well,Iguesswe'renevergonnagetthatlistfromthegirls.
Cartman:
Screwthat,dude!
We'reguys.Wecanoutthinkthem.
[Cartman'shouse,afterschool.Inhisbasement,heshareshisplanwithsomeoftheotherfourthgreadboys.]
Cartman:
Allright,here'swhatweknow.ThatchickNellyistheonewho'sinchargeofholdingthelist,right.SheapparentlykeepsitinapurplePeeCheefolder,andweneedaplantogetitfromher.[pointstoachalkboardwithhisplanonit]ThisiswhatIcall"Operation:
CannotPossiblyFail"[amapwithroutesoftheplanlaidout]
Butters:
[happilytakingnotes]Neato!
Cartman:
At1.p.m.tomorrow,NellywillhavetowalkfromHomeEctoSocialStudies.That'sourbesttimetostrike.AsshemakesherwaythroughHallway3,Craigwillbereadywithadistractiondevicehere.[uppercenterpartofthemap]WhenshestopsandturnstoCraiginthehallway,Butterswillrunupandkickherintheballs.
Butters:
[cheerfully]O-kay!
Cartman:
OnceButterskicksherintheballs,she'llfalltothefloor,droppingthePeeChee,andKennywillswoopinfromCorridor3-Delta,andgrabthePeeChee.Arewegood?
[SouthParkElementary,day.Nellywalksdownthehallasthe1p.m.bellrings.Asshewalks,Craigblowsthroughapaperbullhorn.NellylooksoverherrightshoulderandButtersrunsupandkicksherinthegroin]
Nelly:
Ow!
What'djadothatfor?
!
[Butterslooksdownandkicksherinthegroinagain.]Hey,what'syourproblem,asshole?
!
[Buttersisstunnedthathiskickshavenoeffectonher]
Cartman:
Bail,bail!
[heandKennytakeoff]
[Cartman'shouse,afterschool.Hestandsnexttohisrevisedplan,"Operation:
CannotPossiblyFailASecondTime."]
Cartman:
Okay,ourmissionfailed,butwe'velearnedalot.Primarilythatgirlsdonothaveballs.
Butters:
[shownwithablackrighteyeandhisrightarminasling]Theysuredon't.
Cartman:
Nevermind,becausewearegoingtoPlanB,onethatIcall"Operation:
CannotPossiblyFailASecondTime."WhenNellyleavesthecafeteriaforrecess,Kennywilljumpinfrontofherandspitontheground.
Butters:
Youthinkmaybegirlskeeptheirballsontheinsideoftheirtummies?
Cartman:
Butters,we'redonetalkin'aboutgirls'ballsrightnow!
Payattention!
[continues]
[SouthParkElementary,day.Theschoolbellrings.TokeniswalkingdownthehallwhenKenny,Cartman,CraigandButtersrunpasthim.Heandtheotherkidsinthehalllookon.]
Cartman:
Wegotit!
Wegotit!
[nextshotisofStanathislockerasCraigrunsby.]
Craig:
Wegotthelistfromthegirls!
[theotherboystakepursuit:
Stan,Token,Jimmy,Clyde,Tweek,Bill,andtwoothers.Twosixthgradersandsomekindergartnerswatchfromthefarendofthehall]
Nelly:
[chasingaftertheboys]Givethatbackyoudirtybuttholes!
[theboysrunintotheboys'room]
Cartman:
Tapeittothewall,Kenny!
Jason,watchthedoor!
[Kyleiswashinghishands,butheturnstoseewhat'sgoingon]
Clyde:
Allright,hurry!
Getitupthere!
Let'sseeit!
ABoy:
Hurryhurry!
Craig:
Whoa,what'sthisthing?
WhereamI?
Clyde:
WhatnumberamIon?
ABoy:
Isitsetup?
Stan:
It'slistedinorderfromcutesttougliest.Clyde'snumberone.
Clyde:
Me?
[smiles]I'mthecutest?
[grins]
Stan:
AndthenToken,andthenme.
Token:
I'mnumbertwo?
Wow.
Butters:
[makingnhewaytothefront]Comeon,letmesee!
[looksatthelistandbeginstoscanitforhiwownname,thenfindsit]Ohboy!
I'mnumber11!
Whoopie!
Number11!
[runsoutofthebathroomasafewboyswonderwhyhe'ssohappyaboutit]
Craig:
Ah!
Lookatthat!
I'mhotterthanyou,fatso!
[he's#12whileCartmanis#15]
Cartman:
What?
!
That'sbullcrap!
[KennymovesuppastCartmanandlooksforhisname.Hefindshimselfat#7]
Kenny:
(Woohoo!
)[movesoff]
Kyle:
Oh,sobigdeal,guys!
Doyoufeelbetternow?
Clyde'sthebestlookingkidintheclass.AndthenTokenandStan,andlastisFrancis,Cartman,and...[findshimselfat#16,thelastoneonthelist.Hisheaddropsalittle]Me?
Cartman:
You'relast,dude!
[laughsheartily]
Kyle:
Noway.
Cartman:
Yesway!
Checkitout!
[laughsheartily]
Stan:
Cartman,layoff!
You'renexttolast.
Cartman:
So?
I'mhotterthanKyle.[makeshiswaythroughthecrowdandoutofthebathroom]I'mbetterlookingthanKyyyle!
[theotherboysjoinhimoutexceptforStanandnKyle]Yes!
I'mhotterthanKyyyle!
I'mhotterthanKyyyle!
Kyle:
I'mlast?
Last?
Stan:
Dude,it'sjustastupidlist,remember?
Kyle:
Igotvotedtheugliestboyinthewholeclass?
Stan:
Whocareswhatdumbgirlsthink,right?
[realizesthere'snoconsolationnowandwalksaway.Kylestaystherelookingatthelist.Alone.Allalone.Allaloneintheboys'room]
[Butters'house,day.Hemakesithomeandrunsintothekitchen.Inthelivingroomarethreepairsofsnowboots.]
Butters:
Mom,Dad!
I'mnottheugliestkidintheclass!
KyleBroflovskiis!
Steven:
[holdingasmokingpipewithhisrighthandandreadingtheDenverPost]Wellgoodforyou,Butters.
Linda:
Waytogo,champ.
Butters:
Whoopie!
[fliesofftohisroom]
Steven:
Well,guesswedon'thavetogroundhim.
[Kyle'shouse,evening.Thefamily'satdinner,butKyleisn'teating.He'sstilldepressed.]
Sheila:
Kyle,what'sthematter?
Youbarelytouchedyourknishes.
Kyle:
The...girlsatschool.Theymadealistandvotedmetheugliestboy.
Sheila:
Wwwhat?
That'sridiculous.Mylittlebubbelehisadorable!
Kyle:
Llook,IknowI'mnotthebest-lookingguyintown,butIIdidn'tthinkIwastheveryugliest.
Sheila:
You'renotugly,Kyle.You're
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