How to Design Your Ideal Life.docx
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How to Design Your Ideal Life.docx
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HowtoDesignYourIdealLife
HowtoDesignYourIdealLife
21Comments
PhotobytheincredibleTomPalumboofAnneSt.Marie,1959.
AreyoutiredofsettingNewYear’sresolutionsonlytofindyourselffacedwiththesameresolutionsayearlater?
Don’tyoujusthatethatfeelingofguiltrisinginyourstomachatthethoughtoflosttime,lostopportunitiesandlackofself-discipline?
Iwasatthegymlastnightandwasshockedtosee3timesasmanypeopletherethannormal.Rushingoutofalockerroomfilled,hip-to-hip,withhalf-clothedladiesI’veneverseenbefore,Ihoppedonthelastoftwelvetreadmillsandgazedaroundtheroominamazement-nearlyeverymachinewasoccupied,thepersonaltrainerswerefullyengaged,andtherewerecountlessnewfaces.
ThisiswhatIcall“NewYear’sResolutionSyndrome”.
Itiswell-knownthatgymswilloverbookannualmembershipsatthestartofeachyear,bankingonthefactthatmanypeoplewillnotfollowthroughandwilleventuallystopshowingup.Overthenextfewweeks,thetrafficwillslowlydiedownandthegymwillbebacktoitsnormalandquietselfagain.
What’stheproblemhere?
Theproblemisthatresolutionsdonotwork.Especiallythesociallycoined,“NewYear’sResolutions”.It’saclichéthatonly12%ofpeopleactuallytakeactiononandresolve.
Whatweneedisadifferentapproach.Weneedasystemofdesigningourlivestosustainablyimprovethequalityofourdailyexperience.
Thisarticledetailsastep-by-stepsystemthatIpersonallyuseforcreatingandlivingabalancedandmeaningfullife.Throwaway‘themTO-DOlists,andresolutions,becausetheydon’twork-atleast,theydon’tlastlongenoughtomakeasustainableimpact.Let’sdrilldownandfocusonwhatreallymatters.
TheOldWays
First,let’shaveapeekatwhytheoldwaysdon’tworkincreatingalastingimpactonourlives.
ProblemswithNewYear’sResolutions:
Idon’tknowaboutyou,butwhenIhearthewords“NewYear’sResolution”,mystomachtightensinangst.Throughyearsoffailedresolutions,myassociationwiththesewordshasbecome“emptygoalsIdon’tlookatuntilnextNewYear”.
What’sthepointofsettingthesegoalsifwedon’tplanontakingthemseriously?
Theyshouldn’tevenbecalled“goals”,theyshouldreallybecalled“wishfulthoughts”instead.
Herearesomecommonreasonswhyresolutionsarenoteffective:
∙Welookatourlistonlyonceayear.
∙Wedonotreviewthegoalsthroughouttheyear.
∙Wedon’tknowwhywewanttoachievethegoal.
∙Notenoughpassionorreasonstomotivateusintoaction.
∙Thegoalisnotspecific.Toovague.
∙Thegoalseemstoolargeandoverwhelming,soweneverstartit.
∙Wedon’tactuallywantit.
∙Wedonotcomeupwithaplantomakeitareality.
ProblemswithTo-Dolists:
Don’tgetmewrong,Iloveto-dolistsmorethantheaveragegal.However,duetotheirneverendingnature(seriously,theyneverend),theyarenotthemosteffectivewaytomanageourlivesinameaningfulandbalancedway.
Whenwefeelunbalanced,itistrulyhelpfultolistoutthetasksthatareweighingonus,inato-dolist,andcategorizethemonpaper.Gettingthesethingsoutofourheadsandontopaperfreesupmentalcapacity.Indeed,wecangetalotofstuffdonewithto-dolists,andtheyareaveryhelpfultool,butusingthelistsalonewillleaveusfeelingunfulfilledbecauseweendupchasingafteraneverendingto-dolistandforgettoliveourlives.
Herearesomecommonissueswithusingto-dolistsalonetomanageourlives:
∙Thesheernumberoftaskscanseemoverwhelming.
∙Thelistneverendsandyouwillalwayshavemoreitemstoadd.
∙Everyitemonthelistappearstohavethesamesenseofurgency.Inreality,sometaskswillbringmorevalueandimpacttoyourlifethanothers.
∙Thepurposeandmotivationbehindagiventaskisnotclear.
∙Selectingwhattofocusonbecomesarbitrary,andweusuallydefaulttodoingwhichever’seasiest.
LiveByDesign,NotByDefault
Intryingtomakethemostoutofourhecticlives,wemaygetcaughtupintheenthusiasmofcrossingtasksoffourto-dolists,andwedisconnectfromtheknowingnessthatlifeisnotaboutlivingbyato-dolist,or‘GettingThingsDone’.
Chasingaftertasksonourlistcanfulfillustemporarily,becauseitmakesusfeelbusyandproductive.Itcanalsomakeusfeelnervous,anxiousandstressed.
Wemaybespeedingthroughourlistoftasksandfeelingproductiveduringtheday,butwhenwegethomeatnight,werealizethatwearetiredandunfulfilled.Thisisbecauseweworkedonarbitrarytasksthathadnosignificanceandmeaningtous,andwefocusedondoingmoreandstayingbusy,insteadofgeneratingresultsthatmattertous.
AssessCategoriesofFulfillment
Beforedivingintosettinggoals,let’sgainsomeclarityonwherewestandrightnow.Onablanksheetofpaper,trythis:
1.Listoutmajorareasofyourlifethatarethemostimportanttoyou.Comeupwith4to8areas.Theseareyourmajorlifecategories.Listtheminnoparticularorder.
Example1,herearemycategories:
∙Relationship&Family
∙Professional
∙Financial
∙PersonalDevelopment
∙PhysicalHealth
∙EmotionalWellbeing
∙SpiritualGrowth
∙Household&LivingEnvironment
Example2,categoriesofafriend:
∙Family&IntimateRelationship
∙Emotional&SpiritualWellbeing
∙IntellectualDevelopment
∙TimeManagement/DailyRoutine
∙Friendships
∙PhysicalDevelopment
∙FinancialHealth
∙CareerDevelopment
2.Doitquickly.Youdon’tneedtooverthinkthis.Youcanalwayscomebackandredothisstep.
3.Drawalargecircle.Dividethecircleuplikeapiechart,wherethenumberofpiepiecesisequaltothenumberoflifecategoriesfromabove.(Alternatively,printoutablankchartwith8categories:
Image|WordDoc|PDF)
4.Ineachpieceofthepie,writethenameofonelifecategory.
5.Foreachofthelifecategoriesonthecircle,assignaratingoutof100%basedonwhereyouaretodayandwhereyouwanttoultimatelybeforthatlifearea.Howdoyoufeelaboutit,versushowyouwanttofeelinanidealscenario.A100%ratingmeansyouarecompletelysatisfied,and0%meansyouarecompletelydissatisfied.Writethepercentagenumberdownwithineachpieceofthepie.
6.Drawalinewithinthepietorepresentthepercentagenumberinrelationtohowmuchofthepieceofthepiehasbeenfilledup.Thecenterofthecircleis0andouteredgeis100.
7.Shadeintheareas.Thisgivesyouapictureofwhereyoustandineachofthelifeareasthatareimportanttoyou.
Asanexample,here’soneIcreatedformyselfamonthago(Clickonitforlargerimage):
Again,youcanprintblankpiechartswith8categorieshere:
Image|WordDoc|PDF
Havingthispictureinfrontofus,wecanclearlyseethelifeareasweneedtofocusoninordertofeelbalanced.Inreality,wecan’tabandonanyoftheselifeareasforlongwithoutfeelingimbalancedandunwell.
Nowimaginethatthisisawheel.Howwellwillitroll?
Ifitisn’tround,orclosetobeinground,itwilltipover,right?
WhatIloveaboutdrawingthispictureisthatwecancaptureandvisualizethestressandpsychologicalimbalancewe’vebeenfeelingandcarryingaroundwithus.Havingavisualrepresentationhelpstoreleasesomeofthatenergywe’vebeengraspingonto.
Pickonelifeareathatmakesyoucringe.Alternatively,pretendyouhavethispictureonthewallforallyourfriendstosee.Whichonemakesyouwanttotearthepictureoffthewall?
Thisistheareayoushouldfocusonfirst.
Step1:
BrainstormFeelings
Let’sfirstconnectwiththefeelingsyouwanttoexperiencethisyear.
Onablanksheetofpaper,startjottingdownallthefeelingsandpersonalimpactsyouwanttoexperiencethisyear.Listthemastheycometomind.Writethemdownwithoutediting.Don’tworryaboutcompletenessorgrammaticalcorrectness,themainpurposeofthisstepistocapturefeelingsinalignmentwithourdesires.
PhotobyMelissaWebb(Seemoreimagesatherflickrstream)
Youcanusethesequestionstoguideyourself:
∙HowdoIwanttofeel?
∙WhatdoIwanttoexperience?
Hereisablurbfrommyownbrainstorm:
Clarity,organization,innerpeace,improvingthelivesofothers,authenticity,stress-freefinancialabundance,joy,livingmypassion,love,intimacy,laughter,changinglivesforthebetter,connectingwithmyhigher-selfdaily,tranquility,fulfillment,dancing,compassion,emotionalmastery,simplicity,tohelpothers,tosurrendertothemoment.
Inwritingdownthesefeelings,notonlyareweglazingthestagesofourliveswithpositiveintentions,butwearealsoinadvertentlycreatingvisionsforhowwewanttheyeartogo.
Step2:
SelectanEmotionalDrivingForce
Reviewyourlistfromstep1,andunderline1-3wordsthatyouconnectwiththemost.Youcaneitherstringthemtogetherorwriteastatementthatincludesthesewords(orfeelingstheyimply)-theshorter,thebetter.
Youcanusethesequestionstohelpyou:
∙IfIcouldchooseonefeelingorstateofmindfortheentireyear,whatwouldthatbe?
∙WhatisthemostimportantstateofmindIwouldliketohaveregularly?
Forexample,Ihad,“Clarity&InnerPeace”.
Writethisstatementatthetopofanewpage.Thisisthemostimportantstateofmindyouareafter.Havingidentifiedthishelpsusfocusontheemotionsmostimportanttous.Seeingthis,alsomakesitconvenientforplanningandcreatingoutcomesthatprovidethesefeelings.
Step3:
CaptureOutcomesfortheYear
Next,inbulletpoints,listoutcomes,results,andachievementsyouwouldliketoexperienceforthenextyear.We’rejustcapturingthemonpaper.Don’tworryaboutmakingit
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