212 分数.docx
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212 分数.docx
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212分数
GrowingPains212Highereducation
212_31分数悲喜剧
(Mike和自己的几个伙伴在一起)
Mike:
Alright!
Sayitonemoretime.Wegotoneskitrip,seventytwohours,twentythreewomen,thirtyguys,andonenearsightedchaperone.Gentlemen,thepossibilitiesareendless.
Eddie:
Yeah,I'monlytalkingoneski.
Boner:
There'snowaymyfolksaregoingtoletmego.
Mike:
Boner.Youjustgottalearnhowtohandleoldpeople.
Boner:
Mike,youhaven'teventalkedtoyourparentsyet.
Mike:
ComeonBoner.Doyouactuallythinkthatmyparentscouldsaynotome?
Boner:
Iknow,youcouldtalktomymumanddadforme.
Mike:
No.Eddie,gogetacoupleofchairs,alright.NowBoner.Look.I'llshowyou.I'llbeyourdad,andEddie,youbeBonersmum.
Eddie:
Yesdear.
Mike:
Ok,it'seveningattheStaboneresidenceandyouandyoucharmingparentsaresittingdownforalovelydinner.
Boner:
Mydadusuallysitshere.
Mike:
Fine.
Eddie:
passthepotatoesum,uh,what’syourdadsnameBoner?
Boner:
Sylvester.
Mike:
Waitaminute.Yourdad’snameisSylvesterStabone?
Boner:
Whoknew?
Mike:
Yeah.Ok.SoRichard,whatisityouwantedtotalktousabout?
Boner:
Well,thereisthisskitrip.
Mike:
Skitrip.Ha.Nowwhywouldyouwanttogoonaskitrip?
Youdon'tevenknowhowtoski.
Boner:
Seeguys.Itoldyou.Heaintgoingtoevenletmego.
Mike:
Boner,it'sjustforpretend.Comeon.
Boner:
Oh!
Mike:
Nowgivemeonegoodreasonwhyweshouldletyougo.
Boner:
Women.
Mike:
Women?
Eddie:
Iwillnothavetalklikethisatmytable.GotoyourroomRichard.
Mike:
Comeon.LookBone.Youneversaywomeninfrontofyourparents.Yousaystufflikeclassspirit.Yousaygrowthexperience.Butyounevereversaywomen.
Boner:
Ok,classspirit.
Mike:
Right!
Eddie:
Growthexperience.
Mike:
Yes!
All:
Women!
(Carol在厨房收拾,mIke抱书回来)
Carol:
Don'tleaveyourbookthere.Takethemtoyouroom.
Nosnacking.You'llspoilyourdinner.
Ben:
Mumanddadaresickandcarol’smadwithpower.
Carol:
Isitcleanyet?
Ben:
I'mworking,I’mworking.
Mike:
Heywaitaminute.Mumanddadaresick?
Ohthisisperfect.NowIcanaskthemabouttheskitripwhiletheyareweak.
(Goesuptoparentsroom)
Mike:
CaroljusttoldmetheawfulnewsandwellIjustthoughtI'mcomeintooffermycondolences.
Maggie:
We'resickMike,notdead.
Mike:
Okthen.Thatsettlesit.
Maggie:
Settleswhat?
Mike:
Ohsee,therewasthisclassskitripthisweekendandIthoughtI’dtrytogetoutofitsoIcouldspendsometimepallingaroundwithyouguys.Butobviouslyyouareinnoshapeforthat.SoIgottogo.
Jason:
ForgetitMike.
Mike:
Dad?
Jason:
You'renotgoinganywherewhileyouarestillflunkingEnglish.
Mike:
Ohgreattimingdad.Imean,wehadanEnglishtesttoday.Imeancouldn'tyouhavetoldmethisbeforeItookit.ImeanifI’dknownyouwouldtakethiskindofanattitude,Ijustmayhavestudiedforit.
Jason:
Ah,Ifeelworsethanmike’sgrades.
Maggie:
Metoo.
Jason:
Igottotryagaintocalladoctor.
Maggie:
Youareadoctor.
Jason:
Oh,Iguessthat'swhyIkeepgettingabusysignal.
Eddie:
OhSeaver.Waitup.OhMikeyMikeyMikey.You'renotgoingtobelievethis.ThishasgottobethebestnewssinceLucycamebacktoTV.
Mike:
What?
Eddie:
Boner!
Hisfolksarelettinghimgoontheskitrip.
Boner:
ThanksalotMikey.Howcomeyouaintsharinginmyjoy?
Mike:
CosI’mnotgoing.
BonerandEddie:
What?
Mike:
Yeah,mydadsaysIhavetobepassingEnglish.Hetellsmethisafteryesterday'stest.
Eddie:
Wellareyousureyouflunked?
Mike:
Eddiecomeon.Thisismewe'retalkingabout.Wakeupandsmellyourself.
Eddie:
WellMikey.Aslongasthere'sagradecurve,there'salwaysahope.
Mike:
Hey,yeahyouknow,especiallywithBonerinthecurve.
Boner:
IdowhatIcan.
Eddie:
Whydon'tyougoasktheteachersaidonthisone.Hu?
Mike:
Hey,thanksalotguys.
Mike:
Ah,hi.
Robin:
Himike.
Mike:
Ah,Bobbyright?
Robin:
Robin.
Mike:
Robin,yeah.SoRobinhaveyoufinishedgradingthosetestsfromyesterdayyet?
Robin:
Yeah.Yourdefinitionofadanglingparticiplewas...
Mike:
Inspired?
Robin:
Dirty.
Mike:
Well,howdidIdooverall?
Robin:
Mike,Ican'ttellyou.
Mike:
Ohwhy?
Robin:
It'stherules.
Mike:
ComeonRobin.I,Igottoknow.Whateveryouwant.I'lltrademybodyfortheinformation.
Robin:
isthatanoffer?
Mike:
Ah,lookRobin.Ireallyneedtoknowthisgrade.IfIdon'tpass,Idon'tgoontheskitrip.
Robin:
Oh,you'regoing?
Mike:
Yeah,ifIgetaC.Socomeon.TellmewhatIgot.
Robin:
WhatyougotrhymeswithC.
Mike:
Ah,theschool’sgivingoutG'snow?
Robin:
Dplus.
Mike:
Dplus.Isthatwiththecurve?
Robin:
It'swithanincrediblecurve.
Maggie:
Youwouldnotbelievewhattherestofthehouselookslike.
Jason:
I'mgoingtokillthosekids.Weaskedthemforonefavor,willthehelpwiththehousewhilewe'resick.Butdotheydoit?
No.
Maggie:
Jason,thehouseisperfect.
Jason:
What?
Maggie:
It'slikeahospitaloutthere.Thereisnodust.Allthelaundry’sbeendone.Thetableissetfordinner.Benslittleclotheshavebeenironedfortomorrow.Ihaven'tseenthehousethisorganizedsinceIwentbackto......work.
Jason:
Ohgood.That'sverygood.Youtelladyingmanhe'sabadhousewife.
Maggie:
Oh,honey.Don'tgetupset.Caroljustwentalittleoverboardtryingtodoagreatjob,andIjust...I'vehurtyourfeelingshaven'tI?
Jason:
Nononono,justit'sreallynobigdeal.IfCaroldoesabetterjobthanIdo,thenweshouldbegratefulcosshe'sabighelp.Right?
Maggie:
Right.
Jason:
Andjusttobeclear,wearesayingshedoesdoabetterjob?
Maggie:
OhJason.
Jason:
Nothat'swhatwe'resaying,that’swhatIhearwhenyousay..
Maggie:
Honey.
Jason:
That'swhatI'mhearing.
Maggie:
Ireallydidn'tmeanthat.
Teacher2:
AsRobinpassesoutyourtestsfromyesterday,ImustsayIwassoshocked.NoonegotbelowaC.I'mseekingprofessionalhelp.
Mike:
AnA.IgotanA?
RobinI'ma.AnA?
Robin:
Irecheckedyourpaper.
Mike:
Ahyeah,butMissCharter'sgoingtofindout.Imeanshe'llknow.
Robin:
Sheneverevenseesthepapers.You'resafewithme.Youlookkindofcutewithyourmouthhangingopenlikethat.
Mike:
Yes!
ThismeansIcangoontheskitrip.LookRobin,Ireallyoweyouinamajorway.
Robin:
Wellyou'rewelcomeinamajorway.
Mike:
Look,ifthereisanythingthatIcandoforyouRobin,yougotit.Ok?
Robin:
Mike.Theskitrip.
Mike:
Yeah,whataboutit?
Robin:
I'dlovetobeyourdateontheskitrip.
Mike:
Whatskitrip?
Robin:
THEskitrip.
Mike:
Ahhaha.NoRobin,Robin.See,noneofusguysaretakingdatesontheskitripbecausetherearegoingtobesomanycoyotesupthere.Yeah,thosethosehillsarejustcrawlingwithcoyotes(howls)
Robin:
Mike,theonlyreasonthatyouareabletogoisthatIchangedyourgrade.
Mike:
YeahandIamverythank-fullforthat.
Robin:
Areyou?
Mike:
Oh!
Robin:
You'reevencuterwiththatdumblookonyourface.
Boner:
Soagirlisforcingyoutospendtheweekendwithher?
Mike:
Yes.
Boner:
Andthisisabadthing?
Mike:
Yes.
Eddie:
OkMikey,lookatitthisway.Let’ssayyouwasateachersaidandyouwerehelpingoutacutechickwithaphonygrade.Whatwouldyouexpectinreturn?
Yousee?
Mike:
Nono.Totallydifferentsituation.
Eddie:
How?
Mike:
Ok,ifItreatagirlhowshe'sbeentreatingme,itwouldbeobviousthat,well,thatthegirlwouldfeelasrottenasIdo.It'snodifferent.Ohno.I'mmaturing.
EddieandBoner:
No!
Eddie:
Right,thefactshereare;ifyoudon'ttakeRobinwithyouontheskitrip,she'sgoingtochangeyourgradeback,andyoucan'tgo.
Mike:
NowwhatdoIdo?
Boner:
IwishIhadproblemslikethis.
Eddie:
YouknowIhaveneverhadaseconddatewithachickinmylife.Girlsneverlikemeoncetheygettoknowme.
Boner:
Ifnogirlsknowme,I'dprobablygettobethemostpopulardudeinschool.
Mike:
Heycarol,Ineedtoaskyousomething.
Carol:
Takeyourshoesoff.
Mike:
Why?
Carol:
Ijustwaxedthefloor.
Mike:
OkCarollook.Ineedsomeadviceok?
Carol:
Frommo?
Mike:
Ok.Nicejob.OknowCarol.Let’ssayyouwerereallydesperateandyoutrappedthisguyintogoingoutwithyou.
Carol:
Letsnot.
Mike:
Nono.Letssayyoutrappedhim,becauseyoulikedhim.Nowwhatcouldhedotomakeyounotlikehim?
Carol:
You'reserious?
Mike:
Yeah.
Carol:
Ok.Wellfirst,anyguywhocouldbetrappedintoadate,isaweakkneedwinky.NowIamtalkingmajorwinky.
Mike:
Forgetit.Forgetit.
Ben:
Ok,Icleanedmyroomandahhhhhhhh!
(Fallsonthefloor)
Mike:
Verynicejob.
Jason:
Placedoesn'tlooksogreat.
Mike:
Heydad.
Jason:
Look!
Dust!
Shecallsthisclean.Ah.
Mike:
DadIthinkit'sthefevertalking.
Jason:
Ohyeah.It'smeit'sme.Everythingelseisjustfine.Waitaminute;Iknowsomethingthat'snotfine.WhathappenedonyourEnglishtest?
Hu?
Mike:
Alright,IgotanA.
Jason:
Letmeseethattest.A!
Wow!
Mike:
Yeah,Ididn'tevencheatonit.
Jason:
"Punctuation,thecoloniswherefooddigestswhenyoueatit."
Mike:
Ah,itwasgradedonacurve.
Jason:
Yeah,apparently.
Jason:
Well,Iguessthatmeansyou'regoingtobeabletogoonthatskitripafterall.
Mike:
Yeah,Iguessso.
Jason:
Youdon'tsoundtoothrilledaboutit.
Mike:
Dad,canIaskyouradviceaboutsomething?
Jason:
Why?
Mike:
Well,you'remydad.Youlikethatkindofstuff.
Jason:
Ohyeah.
Mike:
Now,ifsomebodydoesyouafavor,outoftheblue,andit’sareallygreatfavorbutyoudidn’taskthemto,andnowtheywantyoutopaythemback,whatdoyoudo?
Jason:
Well,forstartersyoushouldrefusethefavor.
Mike:
Areyoukidding?
Jason:
Wellthenyou'vegottopaythemback.
Mike:
ThatwasnottheanswerIwash
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