Desperate Housewives 3X02 It Takes Two.docx
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Desperate Housewives 3X02 It Takes Two.docx
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DesperateHousewives3X02ItTakesTwo
DesperateHousewives
3X02:
ItTakesTwo
OriginalAirdateonABC:
October1,2006
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MaryAliceVoiceover:
PreviouslyonDesperate.housewives...
Tom:
Itmeansalottohertofeelincluded.
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Sometimesdarkcloudshavesilverlinings...
Susan:
Hesortofaskedmeout.
Susan:
It'sokaywithyouifIgooutwithhim?
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Sometimestheydon't.
Gabrielle:
Oncethatbabycomes,I'mgonnabestuckraisingachildalone.
MaryAliceVoiceover:
WhenitcomestolifeonWisteriaLane...
Orson:
Willyoumarryme?
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Thingsthatseemtoogoodtobetrue...
Carolyn:
Doessheknowyoukilledyourwife?
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Usuallyturnout...
Carolyn:
Getawayfromhimnowwhileyoucan.
MaryAliceVoiceover:
...tobedeadly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree'sLivingRoom]
(Breeissmilingasshelooksatherthreefriends.)
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Bridesaresensitivecreatures.Andnooneknowsthisbetterthanthebridesmaidswhohavetodealwiththem.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Flashback-Susan'sDiningRoom]
(SusanisunderthediningroomtableworkingonthetrainofBree'sweddingdress.)
Susan:
Well,Ithinkaten-foottrainisgreat,butashorteronewouldbejustasniceandyouwouldn'thavetoworryaboutpeopletrippingonit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Flashback-Lynette'sKitchen]
(LynetteissittingathertabletalkingtoBree.Lynetteisholdingacupofcoffeeandalistofdutiesinherhands.)
Lynette:
Personally,Ilovesmokedrabbit,butforasurecrowd-pleaseryoucan'tbeatchicken.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Flashback-Gabrielle'sKitchen]
(GabrielleistalkingtoBree.Gabriellehasawalkmanandearphonesinherhands.)
Gabrielle:
Uh,sure,whodoesn'tloveastringquartet.Butifyougotaband,maybepeoplecoulddanceasopposedtosway.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[PresentDay-Bree'sLivingRoom]
(Breeissmilingatthegirls.)
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Buttheoneareawherebridesmaids'tactismostrequiredinvolvesthedress...
Bree:
Sowhatdoyouthink?
MaryAliceVoiceover:
...she'srequiredtowear.
(Susan,LynetteandGabriellearestandinginfrontofBreewearingmatchinglimegreenbridesmaiddresses.)
Susan:
Well,ah,I'mnotsurethatI'veeverseenthisshadeofgreenbefore.
Bree:
Yeah,don'tyouthinkitwillbegorgeouswithmycoloring?
Gabrielle:
Yes,itwouldlookperfect.
Lynette(underherbreath):
Forsomeonewithyourcoloring.
(GabrielleelbowsLynette.)
Bree:
ImeanIwasluckytofindthese.It'snoteasyputtingaweddingtogetherintwoweeks.
Susan:
Thenwhytherush?
Gabrielle:
Yeah,Bree,Ialwaysthoughtofyouasapersonwhowantstimetoplan.
Bree:
Well,OrsonandItalkedaboutitandwejustfeelatourage,it'ssillytowait.Andwithyourhelp,I'msurewecangetitalldone.
Lynette:
Well,wearehappytopitchin.
Bree:
Oh,thatremindsme.(pointingtoLynette)Ihavetogetacopyoftheseatingchartforyou.Gaby,youareinchargeofthecenterpieces.(pointingtoSusan)Anddon'tworrySusan,Iwillthinkofajobforyou.
(Breegoesupstairs.)
Susan:
Here'sajob.Howabouttalkingyououtofmarryingahomicidaldentist?
Gabrielle:
Susan!
Wedon'tknowthat!
Allwehaveissomecrazywoman'saccusation.
Susan:
Hiswifevanishedandhedidn'teventellBree.Howmuchmoreproofdoyouneed?
Lynette:
Hesaysheinnocent.Shebelieveshim.Ifwesaywedon't,she'lljustenduphatingus.
Susan:
Well,I'msorryIcannotsithereonmykeylimeassandwatchBreemaketheworstmistakeofherlife!
(Breeclearsherthroat.Theladiesturnandseehercomingdownthestairsholdingtheseatingchart.)
Bree:
Andwhatmistakewouldthatbe?
Susan:
Well.Um.Honestly...
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Yes,abridesmaidcanquestionmanyofthebride'schoices...
Susan:
Thesedressesarehideous.
MaryAliceVoiceover:
...butthegroomisn'toneofthem.
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OpeningCredits
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[Gabrielle'sHouse]
(TwomencarefullycarryaweddingcakewithBrideandGroomfigurinesontopofitintoGabrielle'shouse.)
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Theperfectcouple.We'veallmetthem,haven'twe?
Thatmanandwomansoclearlymadeforeachother,wefeelcertaintheyareontheroadtohappiness.Butthatroadhasmanydetours.
(FocusinonapictureofCarlosandGabrielleattheirwedding.)
MaryAliceVoiceover:
Andevenperfectcouplescanfindthemselvesatadeadend.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(AlvinPortsmithDivorceMediationOffice)
Carlos:
Youwantwhat?
Gabrielle:
Youheardme.AndIwantthebedroomstereo,wantthemarbleconsoleandthatpaintingofSaintAugustine.
Carlos:
Youdon'tevenknowwhoheis!
Gabrielle:
Iknowhematchesthedrapes!
Mr.Portsmith:
People,canwefocushere.
Gabrielle:
AndIwantmypearlnecklaceback.Don'tthinkIdidn'tnoticethatyouswipedit.
Carlos:
Thatwasmymama's,andhersbeforeher.Ithinkitbelongsinmyfamily.
Gabrielle:
TherewasatimeyouthoughtIbelongedinyourfamily.Andyougotoverthat!
(CarlosgrabsforsomefrenchfriesonaplateinfrontofGabrielle.Sheslapshishand.)
Gabrielle:
Stopeatingmyfries!
Carlos:
I'mhungry.
Gabrielle:
Youknowwhatthedoctorsaid.(toMr.Portsmith)Youshouldseehischolesterol.Thismanbleedsbacongrease.
Mr.Portsmith:
Enough!
Youtwoaregonnahavetofindawaytodealwitheachotherbecauseyouareabouttobringachildintothisworld.Anddivorcedornot,oncethatchildarrives,youwillbeboundtogetherforaslongasyoulive.
Gabrielle:
Well,inthatcase,havesomemorefries.
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[Lynette'sPorch]
(NoraandLynettecomeoutthedoor.)
Nora:
I'llpickKaylauponSunday.
Lynette:
Whenever,justgo.YouandTurkhaveagreattime.
Nora:
Ohtrustme,wewill.
(Anoldbeat-upvanisparkedinfrontofLynette'shouse.StandingbythedoorisamaninatankT-shirtwithtattoosandlonghair,noddingtoNora.)
Nora:
Themanisajackhammer.
Lynette:
Ah.
(Tomwalksupcarryinggroceries.)
Nora:
Bye,Tom.
Tom:
Hi.
Nora:
SeeyouSunday.
(NorarunstoTurk.)
Tom:
Whereisshegoing?
Lynette:
SheandTurkaregoingdowntotheriverfortheweekend.
Tom:
That'sTurk?
That'sthenewboyfriend?
Uh-uh,no!
Lynette:
Hey,hey,hey!
Please!
Tom:
Idon'twantmydaughterhangingaroundwithaguylikethat!
Lynette:
Youhaven'tevenmethim.Hecouldbethesweetestmanintheworld.
(TomandLynettelookovertoTurkandNora.NorajumpsintoTurksarmsandTurkgrabsNora'sbutt.)
Lynette:
Moreimportantly,eversinceheenteredthepicture,SqueakyFrommisneveraround.Ithasbeenbliss!
Ihaven'tmadethisface.(shegritsherteeth)inaweek.Ifyouruinthis,sohelpme,Iwillhurtyou!
Tom:
Justlookathim.Lookathim.Please,Iswearthatisachild'sskullhangingfromhismirror!
Doesn'tthatconcernyou?
Lynette:
No,I'mgood.Couldbeamonkey.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Restaurant]
(Susan,withIan,islookingatamenu.)
Susan:
IthinkIwillhavetheMescalineSalad.
Ian:
That'sit?
That'sallyou'rehaving?
Susan(whispering):
Well,allofthefoodisveryexpensive.
Ian(whispering):
Youdon'tneedtowhisper.Thewaiterknowsthey'rerobbingusblind.Youcanhavewhateveryouwant.
Susan:
InthatcaseI'llhavethelobsterbisqueandthevealwiththeblacktruffles.Isthatokay?
Ian:
Yeah,that'sfine.I'lljusthaveJanemovedtotheVAHospital.
Susan:
Ohmygod!
Ian:
I'mkidding.It'sfine.I'llhavewhatshe'shaving.
Waiter:
Ofcourse.Thankyou.
Ian:
God,Iloveseeingyoulaugh.
Susan:
Oh,well,it'sbeenalongtimesinceI'vebeeninamoodto,thankyou.
(SusanreachesoverandsqueezesIan'shand.)
Ian:
Oh,dearGod.
Susan:
DidIsqueezetoohard?
Ian:
No,it'smywife'sparents.
Susan:
Oh,oh,wow.Oh,isthisgoingtobeawkward?
Ian:
No,no,no.No,notunless,ofcourse,theyseeus.
Jeff:
Ian!
Ian:
Awkward.Jeff,Renee,what,whatadelightfulsurprise.
Renee:
It'ssogoodtoseeyou,dear.
(TheybothlookatSusanandthere'salongpause.)
Renee:
Hello,I'mRenee,andthisismyhusband,Jeff.
Susan:
SusanMayer.
Ian:
Doctor!
DoctorSusanMayer.She'snewtoJane'sneurologyteam.
Renee:
Oh,IjustassumedyouworkedinIan'spublishinghouse.
Susan:
Well,yes,andhownicethatwouldhavebeen,huh?
Um,but,no,no,I'mabrainspecialist.
Jeff:
Oh,Dr.Mayer,maybeIcanaskyou.Ourdaughter'smostrecentEEGshowedbrainspikes?
Butitdidn'tchangethescoreonherGlascowscan.Whyisthat?
Susan:
Whatanexcellentquestion.
(Later,Susanhasdrawnasideofaheadandbrainonanapkin.)
Susan:
Andthisisthe,uh,spinalcord.Andit,ofcourse,attachestothebrain.
Jeff:
Youdon'thavetodumbitdownforus,doctor.We'vebeendealingwithJane'sconditionforyears.
Susan:
Oh,good.Um,I'm,um,well,thenlet'sgettechnical.
Ian:
Let'sgiveDr.Mayerthenightoff.Shewasinsurgeryfortenhourstodayperformingacraniotomy.
Renee:
That'sexactlytheprocedureJanehad.How'ditgo?
Susan:
Uh,well,I,itjust,wow.Ihearmyphonevibrating.(intohe
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