好笑的英语笑话5分钟好笑的英语笑话大全.docx
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好笑的英语笑话5分钟好笑的英语笑话大全.docx
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好笑的英语笑话【5分钟好笑的英语笑话大全】
笑话作为一种特殊的交际策略,它能够帮助人们缓解尴尬的气氛,从而保持和谐的人际关系。
小编精心收集了5分钟好笑的英语笑话,供大家欣赏学习!
5分钟好笑的英语笑话篇1
Forestgumpgoestoheaven
Thedayfinallyarrived:
Forestgumpdiesandgoestoheaven.
heismetatthepearlygatesbysaintpeterhimself.Thegatesareclosed,however,andForestapproachesthegatekeeper.
saintpetersays,"well,Forest,it'scertainlygoodtoseeyou.wehaveheardalotaboutyou.""Imustinformyouthattheplaceisfillingupfast,andwe'vebeenadministeringanentranceexaminationforeveryone.Thetestsarefairlyshort,butyouneedtopassbeforeyoucangetintoheaven."
Forestresponds,"Itshoreisgoodtobeheresaintpeter.Iwaslookingforwardtothis.""Nobodyevertoldmeaboutanyentranceexams.shorehopethetestain'ttoohard;lifewasabigenoughtestasitwas."
saintpetergoeson,"yes,IknowForest.""but,thetestIhaveforyouisonlythreequestions.hereisthefirst:
what
daysoftheweekbeginwiththeletter'T'?
""second,howmanysecondsarethereinayear?
""Third,whatisgod'sfirst
name?
"
Forestgoesawaytothinkthequestionsover.hereturnsthenextdayandgoesuptosaintpetertotrytoanswertheexamquestions.
saintpeterwaveshimupandasks,"Nowthatyouhavehadachancetothinkthequestionsover,tellmeyouranswers."
Forestsays,"well,thefirstone,-howmanydaysoftheweekbeginwiththeletter'T'?
""shucks,thatone'seasy;that'dbeTodayandTomorrow!
"Thesaint'seyesopenwideandheexclaims,"Forest!
That'snotwhatIwasthinking,but...youdohaveapointthough,andIguessIdidn'tspecify,soIgiveyoucreditforthatanswer."
"howaboutthenextone"sayssaintpeter,"howmanysecondsinayear?
"
"Nowthatone'sharder,"saysForest."but,Ithunkandthunkaboutthat,andIguesstheonlyanswercanbetwelve."
Astounded,saintpetersays,"Twelve!
""Twelve!
""Forest,howinheaven'snamecouldyoucomeupwithtwelvesecondsinayear?
"
Forestsays,"shucks,theregottabetwelve:
januarysecond,Februarysecond,marchsecond...""holdit,"interruptssaint
peter."Iseewhereyou'regoingwithit.""AndIguessIseeyourpoint,thoughthatwasn'tquitewhatIhadinmind.""I'll
giveyoucreditforthatonetoo."
"Let'sgoonwiththenextandfinalquestion,"sayssaintpeter,"canyoutellmegod'sfirstname?
"
Forestsays,"wellshore,Iknowgod'sfirstname.""everbodyproblyknowsit.""It'showard."
"howard?
"askssaintpeter."whatmakesyouthinkit's'howard'?
"
Forestanswers,"It'sintheprayer."
"Theprayer?
"askssaintpeter,"whichprayer?
"
"TheLord'sprayer,"respondsForest:
"ourFather,howardbethyname..."
5分钟好笑的英语笑话篇2
whatisThisgoingtocostme
ItseemsgodnoticedAdamwasdespondent.sotheLordgodsaid,"Adam,comeoverhereandsitdown!
".AndAdamdidso.
"Adam,"spokethecreator,"Iseeyourcountenanceisfallenandyouseemtofeelrottenandlonely."Adamsaidnothingin
response."so,"continuedtheLord,"Iamgoingtocreateanalternatepersonwhowillbewithyou!
"Adamjustlookedpuzzledbutinterested."Thisperson,"saidtheLord,"willtakealltherawandtastelessfoodthatyouarecurrentlyruiningandwillpreparewonderful,spicy,andtastydishes."
Adamlookedgrateful."Thisperson,"saidtheLord,"willbebeautifultobeholdandgracefulandinterestingtowatchasshewalks."Adamlookedthoughtful."Thisperson,"emphasizedtheLord,"willbeabletosatisfyallthosedreamsthatyoucurrentlyarehaving!
"Adamreallylookedbelieved."And,lastly,"saidtheLord,"shewillobeyyoureverywhimanddesireandorderwithcheerfulness."Adamwasreallyimpressedandfinallyspoke.
"o.K.,Lord,butwhatisthisgoingtocostme?
""Anarmandaleg,"saidtheAlmighty.
"well,"Adamthensaid,"whatcanIgetforarib?
"
5分钟好笑的英语笑话篇3
Nungoingtochicago
Thisnunwasgoingtochicago.shewenttotheairportandsatdownwaitingforherflightandshelookedoverinthecornerandsawoneofthoseweightmachinesthattellsyourfortune.soshethoughttoherselfI'llgiveitatryjusttoseewhatittellsme.
soshewentovertothemachineandsheputhernickelinandcardcameoutanditsaid,you'reanunyouweigh128lbsandyou'regoingtochicagoIllinois.soshesatbackdownandthoughtaboutit,shethoughttoherselfitprobablytellseveryonethesamething,I'mgoingtryitagain.
soshewentovertothemachineagainandputhernickelinit,acardcameoutandsaid,you'reanun,youweigh128lbs.,you'regoingtochicagoIll.andyou'regoingtoplayafiddle.shesaidtoherselfIknowthat'swrongIhaveneverplayedamusicalinstrumentadayinmylife.shesatbackdownandthiscowboycameoverandsethisfiddlecasedown.shepickedupthefiddleandjuststartedplayingbeautifulmusic.shelookedbackatthemachineandsaidthisisincredibleI'vegottotryitagain.
soshewentbacktothemachineputhernickelinanothercardcameoutanditsaid,you'reanun,youweigh128lbs.,you'regoingtochicagoIll.andyou'regoingtobreakwind.shethinksIknowit'swrongnowI'veneverbrokewindinpublicadayinmylife,wellshetrippedandfelloffthescalesandFArTeDlikeabaymule.soshesatbackdownandlookedatthemachineonceagain.shesaidtoherselfthisistrulyunbelievable,I'vegottotryitagain.
shewentbacktothemachine,puthernickelinandacardcameoutandsaid,you'reanun,youweigh128lbs.,you'regoingtochicagoIll.andyou'regoingtohavesex.shesaidah-hahthatdoesit.Iknowforsureitswrongnow,I'manun,ain'teverhadnone,andain'tevergonnagetnone.wellahugeelectricalstormcamethroughandtheelectricitywentoffandshegotraped...shesatbackdownandthoughtaboutitforfewminutesandthensaidthisistruly,truly,incredible.butonethingisforcertain,I'vegottotryitagainjusttoseewhatisgonnahappentomebeforeIleavethisairport.
shewentovertothemachineputhernickelinandacardcameoutanditsaid.you'reanun,youweigh128lbs.,youhavefiddled,farted,andfuckedaroundandmissedyourflighttochicago!
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