最经典的满分作文赏析.docx
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最经典的满分作文赏析.docx
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最经典的满分作文赏析
最经典的满分作文赏析
162Somefamousathletesandentertainersearnmillionsofdollarseveryyear.Doyouthinkthesepeopledeservesuchhighsalaries?
Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouropinion.
Nowadays,theannualincomesofmanysportsstarsandfilmstarscometomillionsofdollars.Somepeopleclaimthattheirsalariesaretoohigh.Yet,inmyopinion,suchsalariesarewelldeserved.Theyworkhardtobecomefamous,provideentertainmentforus,andwinhonorsfortheircountries.(50)
First,famousathletesandentertainersmakepainstakingeffortstoachievefame.Fameisawonderfulthingtohave,butitseldomappearsovernight.Famouspeoplehaveworkedhardforyearstoachievetheirfametodayandtheyhavetocontinuetotheirgoodworktomaintainit.Fortheirhardwork,sportsandentertainingstarsdeservetobegenerouslyrewarded.Unfortunately,peopletendtofocusonthehugeamountsofmoneymadebythem.Theyrarelyappreciatetheeffortsthatathletesandentertainershavetomakeinordertoachievethefametheyhavetoday.Forexample,inordertowinthefirstplaceina100-metredash,anathletehastocoverhundredsofmilesduringtraining.Famousstarsdeservetheirhighsalariesbecausetheyhaveworkedhard.(129)
Second,sportsandentertainingstarsprovideuswithgoodentertainment.Onweekends,manyofusattendafootballmatchthatincludesBeckham,seeamoviethatstarsJuliaRoberts,orgotoaconcertthatfeaturesCelineDion.Thesepeoplehelpusmakegooduseofourfreetimebyentertainingus.Asaresult,wefeelinspiredaswellasrelaxed.Inotherwords,wefeelenergeticagainafterattendingtheevents.Weevenfeelthatwehavemoretoenjoyinlifeandhavenewaspirations.Forsuchreasons,thesepeopleareworththeirhighsalaries.(98)
Third,athletesandentertainerswinhonorsfortheircountries.Forexample,afterfouryears’hardwork,manyathleteswingoldmedalsattheOlympicsGames.Theyareabletomakemillionsofdollarsayearafterthegames.Suchhighsalariesarejustified,becausetheseathleteshavewonhonorsfortheircountriesinthemostcompetitivearenaandhavemadetheirpeopleproud,somethingfewpeoplecanevendreamof.Thisistrueforentertainersaswell.ManyactorsandactressesreceivehighsalariesaftertheyhavewonOscarsorprizesatCannesFilmFestival.Thesepeoplealsodeservehighsalaries,becausetheyhavemadeanameinfilmsfortheircountryandhavemadetheircountrybetterknownbypeopleelsewhereintheworld.(125)
Allinall,famousathletesandentertainersmerittheirhighsalaries,fortheirhardwork,entertainmenttheyprovide,andtheircontributiontotheircountry.IfIhadachance,Iwouldbeafamousstarwhocanmakemillionsofdollarsayear.(43)(475)
1.总体分析:
观点展开
文章扣题紧密,首段明确表态,主体段都有明确的主题句,主题句后都给出了恰当的例子和解释。
组织结构
经典五段式,结构清晰,体现了统一、递进和连贯。
语言运用
选词恰当,词汇多变;句型丰富,且有一定复杂度,句子长短交替(第四段尤其明显),长度合理(共475词,27句话,平均每句话17.6个词)。
2.文章结构:
首段:
使用了“漏斗鱼钩”。
第一句介绍背景,第二话介绍别人观点,过渡到题目话题,第三句话表明作者观点,第四句话预示下文内容。
主体段:
主题句+例子和解释
末段:
衔接词+复述本文主题+简明总结主要论点+作者的期待
3.语言积累:
3
(1).精华词汇和短语
中文大意
文中表达
明星
sportsstarsandfilmstars
athletesandentertainers
famouspeople
sportsandentertainingstars
famousstars
actorsandactresses
薪水(高薪)
highsalariesarewell-deserved
deservetobegenerouslyrewarded
areworththeirhighsalaries
highsalariesarejustified
merittheirhighsalaries
成名
becomefamous
achievefame
makeaname
maketheircountrybetterknown
beafamousstar
提供娱乐
provideentertainment
byentertainingus
为国争光
winhonors
maketheirpeopleproud
contribution
努力
workhard
makepainstakingefforts
感到振奋
feelinspiredaswellasrelaxed
feelenergetic
havenewaspirations
3
(2).亮点句型:
句型1:
Onweekends,manyofusattendafootballmatchthatincludesBeckham,seeamoviethatstarsJuliaRoberts,orgotoaconcertthatfeaturesCelineDion.
点评:
注意平行结构的使用。
这样有美感的句型写起来虽然很难,但是至少是努力的方向。
文中类似的平行结构:
Theyworkhardtobecomefamous,provideentertainmentforus,andwinhonorsfortheircountries.
句型2:
Suchhighsalariesarejustified,becausetheseathleteshavewonhonorsfortheircountriesinthemostcompetitivearenaandhavemadetheirpeopleproud,somethingfewpeoplecanevendreamof.
点评:
主要是注意划线部分同位结构的使用。
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