玛丽和马克思.docx
- 文档编号:23553953
- 上传时间:2023-05-18
- 格式:DOCX
- 页数:15
- 大小:27.48KB
玛丽和马克思.docx
《玛丽和马克思.docx》由会员分享,可在线阅读,更多相关《玛丽和马克思.docx(15页珍藏版)》请在冰豆网上搜索。
玛丽和马克思
MaryandMax
Mary’seyeswerethecolorofmuddypuddles.Herbirthmark,thecolorofpoo.ItwasSaturdayafternoonandshewasbored.Marywishedthatshehadafriendtoplaypiggybackswith.Mary’smoodring,whichshe’dfoundinacerealbox,wasgrey,which,accordingtothechart,meantshewaseitherpensive,unconsciouslyambitiousorhungry.Heronlyfriendswerethe‘TheNoblets’fromherfavoritecartoon.Theyweren’ttherealonesyoubroughtintheshops,butthefakeonesshehadtomakeherselffromshells,gumnuts,pompoms,andthechickenbonessalvagedfromFridaynight’stakeaway.Shehadtomakeallherowntoys,andherfavoriteswereShrinkiespotatochippacketsthatshehasshrunkintheoven.
Mary’sfather,NoelNormanDinkle,workedinafactory,attachingthestringstoteabags.Atshowandtell,shetoldtheclasshecouldgetasmanyfreeteabagsashewanted.HerfavoriteteabagwasEarlGrey.Shelovedsaying‘EarlGrey’andwouldlikeonedaytomarrysomeonecalledEarlGrey.TheywouldliveinacastleinScotland,have9babies,2ducks,andadogcalledKevin.Noel’shobbywastositinhisshedanddrinkBaileusIrishcreamandstuffbirdshe’dfoundonthesideoffreeway.Marywishedthathe’dspendmoretimewithherandlesswithhisdeadfriends.Shealsowishedshehadsomebrothersandsisters.Hermotherhadtoldhershewasan‘accident’.Howcouldsomeonebeanaccident?
GrandpoppyRalphhadtoldherthatbabiesweredeliberateandfoundbydadsattheirbottomofbeer.GrandpoppyRalphhadsmeltlikepickledonionsandhadbeenamemberofFrankstonIceBreakersfor51years.Theyswaminwintertofeelalive.GrandpoppyRalphhadsaiditmadehisnippleserect.Hehaddiedtheyearbefore,aged74,andhisbestfriend,Ken,hasrecitedapoeminhishonour.Marymissedhimandoftenwonderedwhyhehaddrunkammonia.AlotofthingspuzzledMary,especiallyhermother,VeraLorraineDinkle.ToMay,Veraalwaysseemedwobbly.Veralikedlisteningtothecricketwhilebakingandhermainingredientwasalwayssherry.ShetoldMaryitwasatypeofteaforgrown-upsandneededconstanttesting.Marythoughthermothertestedthesherrywaytoomuch.Maryalsocouldn’tunderstandwhyVerawasalways‘borrowing’;yesterdaysheborrowedsomefishfingersfromAisle6.ShetoldMarysheputthingsupherdresstosaveonplasticbags.Verawasindeedacomplicatedsoul.
Marystoppeddaydreamingandwentandfetchedherpetroosterfromtherain.Herfatherhadfoundtheroosteronthesideofthefreeway,afterithadfallenoffthebackofaslaughtertruck.ShenamedhimEthel.Itwasthetimetowatch‘TheNoblets’.Sheadored‘TheNoblets’,becauseeveryonewasbrown,livedinateapot,andhadoodlesoffriends.Therewasnothingnicer,Marythoughttoherself,thanthesmellofawetrooster,thesoundofrainontheroof,andthetasteofsweetenedcondensedmilkstraightfromthecanwhilewatchingyourfavouritecartoon.
Meanwhile,amancalledMaxHorowitzalsowatched‘TheNoblets’.Max’ssmalltelevisionhadpicturebutnosound.Hisbigtelevision,soundbutnopicture.Hewas44andliked‘TheNoblets’becausetheylivedinadelineatedandarticulatedsocialstructurewithconstantadherentconformityandalsobecausetheyhadoodlesoffriends.
Maxhadtroublesleepingandhadspentthenightwatchingtelevisionandcatchingfishfood.Henotedhimselfitwasthesixthflyhe’dcaughtthisevening.Hewonderedifheshouldgotobedandcountsheeporhaveonemorechocolatehotdog.Hethoughthe’dtrybothbutitdidn’twork.Ithadbeen6hoursand12minutessinceHenryⅧhadpassedaway.AndHenry’sdeathhadthrownMax’slifeintodisarray.Ithadbecomeasummetricalandthesoonerhegotanewfish,thebetter.TomorrowhewillgotothepetstoreandgetanotherHenryⅨ.
ItwasshoppingdayandMarysatpatientlywhilehermother‘borrowing’someenvelopes.Tofillintime,shescannedtheroomandcountedhowmanythingswerebrown.Therewasstickytape,rubberbands,andaphonebookwithapictureofaladystandinginabrownlakewithherhandonfire.PeoplehadwirednamesinAmerican,MaryDaisuDinklethoughttoherself.Funny-soundingpeoplecalledRockefellerandFinkelstein.Shewonderedwhattheylookedlike,howoldtheywereandiftheyweremarried,woreglasses,orhadfoundbabiesintheirbeer,maybeinAmericapeoplefoundbabieselsewhere.Theydrankalotofcola.Maybetheyfoundthemincans.But,no,theywouldn’tfitthroughthehole.Maryhadanidea.ShewouldwritetooneoftheAmericansandaskwherebabiescamefrom.ShechoseaMr.MHorowitz.
Letter:
DearMr.MHorowitz,
MynameisMaryDaisuDinkleandIam8yearsold,3monthsand9days.Myfavouritecolorisbrownandmyfavouritefoodissweetenedcondensedmilkfollowedcloselybychocolate.IhadaroostercalledEthelthatlookslikethis.Hedoesn’tlayeggsbutwilloneday.Mymotherlikessmoking,cricketandsherryandmyfatherlikesplayinginhisshedwithdeadbirds.WheredobabiescomefrominAmerica?
Dotheycomefromcolacans?
InAustraliatheyarefoundinbeerglasses.Hereisadrawingofme.Ican’tdrawearsproperbutI’mgoodatteeth.Itwouldbegreatifyoucouldwritebackandbemyfriend.
Yoursincerealy,
MaryDaisuDinkle.
Ps.IhopeyoulikethechocolatebarI’malsosending.It’scalledaCherryRipe.
Goodbye,letter.Don’tforgettowrite.
MaxhatedThursday,thedayofhisweeklyOvereatersAnonymousmeeting.Andtonighthe’dfeltespeciallyunsettledbecausehe’deatentwochocolatehotdogsonhiswaythere.Eatingchocolatewasbreakingtherules.He’dfoundthenightevenmoreunbearablebecauseofMarjorieButterworth’sstrangeglances.Maxhadtroubleunderstandingnon-verbalsignals.Flirtingwasasforeigntohimasjogging.Maxfoundmostpeopleveryconfusing.ButlittledidMaxrealizehisnightwasaboutbecameevenmoreconfusingandcryptic.HereadMary’sletterfourtimesandthendidwhathenormallydidwheneverconfrontedwithsomethingnewandstressful.Max’sfragileexistencehadonceagainbecomeunsettled.Andafterstaringoutofthewindowfor18hourshefinallymadeadecision.
Letter
DearMaryDaisuDinkle,
Thankyoufortheletter,whichIopenedandreadat9:
17pmaftermyOvereatersAnonymousclass.Iamtryingtoloseweightbecausemypsychiatrist,Dr.BernardHazelhof,sayshealthybodyequalsahealthymind.Hesaysmymindisnotthathealthy.Yourdrawingisaninterestingvisualportrayalofyourself.IhavenevermetanyonefromAustralia.Firstly,Iwillansweryourquestion.Unfortunately,inAmerican,babiesarenotfoundincolacans.IaskedmymotherwhenIwasfourandshesaidtheycamefromeggslaidbyrabbis.Ifyouaren’tJewish,they’relaidbyCatholicnuns.Ifyou’reanatheist,they’relaidbydirty,lonelyprostitutes.SothisiswherebabiescomefrominAmerica.Isharemyhomewithafish,somesnails,whomIhavenamedafterfamousscientists,aparakeetcalledMr.Biscuitandfinally,acatcalledHal.‘Hal’isanabbreviationforhalitosis,fromwhichhesuffers.Hefollowedmehomeafteragangofchildrenshothiseyeoutwithabeebeegun.Doyouhaveapetkangaroo?
WhenIwasborn,myfatherleftmymotherandmeonakibbutz.Sheshotherselfwithmyuncle’sgunwhenIwassix.Doyoulikechocolatehotdogs?
Iinventedtherecipeforthemandcansendittoyou.WhenIwasyoung,IinventedaninvisiblefriendcalledMr.Ravioli.MypsychiatristsaysIdon’tneedhimanymoresohejustsitsinthecornerandreads.LastweekIpickedup128cigarettebutts.PeoplearealwayslitteringinNewYork.Idon’tunderstandwhypeoplebreaklaws.Burrsarebadbecausetheywashouttoseaandfishsmokethemandbecomenicotinedependent.Iamjustjokingbecause,ofcourse,itisimpossibleforacigarettetoremainlitunderwater.And,fishdonothavepocketstokeepcigarettelightersin.Iam44yearsoldandhave8tracksuitsthesamecolourandsize.Iweight352lbandamastallas6-foottree.Ienjoyenteringthelotteryandhavechosenthesamenumbersfor9years.Thosenumbersare3,5,and4,6,9,11,12.Ihavehadmanydifferentjobsduringmylife.Myfirstjobwascollectingsubwaytokensinthesubway.MysecondjobwasatYiddel’sGourmetKosherSupplieswhereIworkedatthemachinethatmadepre-packagedkugels.IwasbornJewishandusedtobelieveinGodbutI’vesincereadmanybooksthathaveprovenGodisjustafigmentofmyimagination.PeopleliketobelieveinGodbecauseitanswerscomplicatedquestionslikewheretheuniversecomefrom,dowormsgotoheavenandwhydooldladieshavebluehair?
EventhoughIamanatheist,Istillwearmyyarmulkeasitkeepsmybrainwarm.Mythirdjobwasforacompanythatprintedlogosonnoveltyitems.IworkedattheFrisbeeprintingmachine.AFrisbeeisacircularplasticdiscthatpeoplethrowateachother.Itislikeaboomerangbutitdoesnotcomeback.MyfourthjobwaswhenIwascalledupforjuryduty.Ididn’tgetpaidmuchbutgotfreecookieandcoffee.Jurorsareoutstandingmembersofthecommunitywhohaven’tmurderedanybody.Imadeittotheshortlistforatrailwhereamankilledallhisfriendsandhisownsurprisebirthdayparty.Unfortunately,Ididn’tgetselectedbecausetheyfoundoutI’dbeenamentalpatientatonepoint.Haveeverbeenhanggliding?
Myfifthjobwasasagarbagecollector.Igottocleanupafterlitterbugsanddidn’thavetotalktoanybody.SometimesIusedtopretendIwasanintergalacticalrobot.OnetimethepolicetookmeinforquestioningbutletmegowhentheydecidedIwasn’tathreattoanybodyexceptmyself.MysixthjobIhadwasfortheUnitedStatesArmyinthestationerydepartment.B
- 配套讲稿:
如PPT文件的首页显示word图标,表示该PPT已包含配套word讲稿。双击word图标可打开word文档。
- 特殊限制:
部分文档作品中含有的国旗、国徽等图片,仅作为作品整体效果示例展示,禁止商用。设计者仅对作品中独创性部分享有著作权。
- 关 键 词:
- 玛丽 马克思