The Handbook of HymenWord文档下载推荐.docx
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The Handbook of HymenWord文档下载推荐.docx
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Thateveningitbegantosnow,withthewindstrongintheeast.MeandIdahomovedcampintoanoldemptycabinhigherupthemountain,thinkingitwasonlyaNovemberflurry.Butafterfallingthreefootonalevelitwenttoworkinearnest;
andweknewwewassnowedin.Wegotinplentyoffirewoodbeforeitgotdeep,andwehadgrubenoughfortwomonths,sowelettheelementsrageandcutupalltheythoughtproper.
Ifyouwanttoinstigatetheartofmanslaughterjustshuttwomenupinaeighteenbytwenty-footcabinforamonth.Humannaturewon'
tstandit.
WhenthefirstsnowflakesfellmeandIdahoGreenlaughedateachother'
sjokesandpraisedthestuffweturnedoutofaskilletandcalledbread.AttheendofthreeweeksIdahomakesthiskindofaedicttome.Sayshe:
"
Ineverexactlyheardsourmilkdroppingoutofaballoononthebottomofatinpan,butIhaveanideaitwouldbemusicofthespearscomparedtothisattenuatedstreamofasphyxiatedthoughtthatemanatesoutofyourorgansofconversation.Thekindofhalf-masticatednoisesthatyouemiteverydayputsmeinmindofacow'
scud,onlyshe'
sladyenoughtokeepherstoherself,andyouain'
t."
Mr.Green,"
saysI,"
youhavingbeenafriendofmineonce,IhavesomehesitationsinconfessingtoyouthatifIhadmychoiceforsocietybetweenyouandacommonyellow,three-leggedcurpup,oneoftheinmatesofthisherecabinwouldbewaggingatailjustatpresent."
Thiswaywegoesonfortwoorthreedays,andthenwequitsspeakingtooneanother.Wedividesupthecookingimplements,andIdahocookshisgrubononesideofthefireplace,andmeontheother.Thesnowisuptothewindows,andwehavetokeepafireallday.
YouseemeandIdahoneverhadanyeducationbeyondreadinganddoing"
ifJohnhadthreeapplesandJamesfive"
onaslate.Weneverfeltanyspecialneedforauniversitydegree,thoughwehadacquiredaspeciesofintrinsicintelligenceinknockingaroundtheworldthatwecoulduseinemergencies.But,snowboundinthatcabinintheBitterRoots,wefeltforthefirsttimethatifwehadstudiedHomerorGreekandfractionsandthehigherbranchesofinformation,we'
dhavehadsomeresourcesinthelineofmeditationandprivatethought.I'
veseenthemEasterncollegefellowsworkingincampsallthroughtheWest,andInevernoticedbutwhateducationwaslessofadrawbackto'
emthanyouwouldthink.Why,onceoveronSnakeRiver,whenAndrewMcWilliams'
saddlehorsegotthebotts,hesentabuckboardtenmilesforoneofthesestrangersthatclaimedtobeabotanist.Butthathorsedied.
OnemorningIdahowaspokingaroundwithastickontopofalittleshelfthatwastoohightoreach.Twobooksfelldowntothefloor.Istartedtoward'
em,butcaughtIdaho'
seye.Hespeaksforthefirsttimeinaweek.
Don'
tburnyourfingers,"
sayshe."
Inspiteofthefactthatyou'
reonlyfittobethecompanionofasleepingmud-turtle,I'
llgiveyouasquaredeal.Andthat'
smorethanyourparentsdidwhentheyturnedyoulooseintheworldwiththesociabilityofarattle-snakeandthebedsidemannerofafrozenturnip.I'
llplayyouagameofseven-up,thewinnertopickuphischoiceofthebook,thelosertotaketheother."
Weplayed;
andIdahowon.Hepickeduphisbook;
andItookmine.Theneachofusgotonhissideofthehouseandwenttoreading.
Ineverwasasgladtoseeaten-ouncenuggetasIwasthatbook.AndIdahotookathislikeakidlooksatastickofcandy.
Minewasalittlebookaboutfivebysixinchescalled"
Herkimer'
sHandbookofIndispensableInformation."
Imaybewrong,butIthinkthatwasthegreatestbookthateverwaswritten.I'
vegotitto-day;
andIcanstumpyouoranymanfiftytimesinfiveminuteswiththeinformationinit.TalkaboutSolomonortheNewYorkTribune!
Herkimerhadcasesonbothof'
em.Thatmanmusthaveputinfiftyyearsandtravelledamillionmilestofindoutallthatstuff.Therewasthepopulationofallcitiesinit,andthewaytotellagirl'
sage,andthenumberofteethacamelhas.Ittoldyouthelongesttunnelintheworld,thenumberofthestars,howlongittakesforchickenpoxtobreakout,whatalady'
sneckoughttomeasure,thevetopowersofGovernors,thedatesoftheRomanaqueducts,howmanypoundsofricegoingwithoutthreebeersadaywouldbuy,theaverageannualtemperatureofAugusta,Maine,thequantityofseedrequiredtoplantanacreofcarrotsindrills,antidotesforpoisons,thenumberofhairsonablondlady'
shead,howtopreserveeggs,theheightofallthemountainsintheworld,andthedatesofallwarsandbattles,andhowtorestoredrownedpersons,andsunstroke,andthenumberoftacksinapound,andhowtomakedynamiteandflowersandbeds,andwhattodobeforethedoctorcomes--andahundredtimesasmanythingsbesides.IftherewasanythingHerkimerdidn'
tknowIdidn'
tmissitoutofthebook.
Isatandreadthatbookforfourhours.Allthewondersofeducationwascompressedinit.Iforgotthesnow,andIforgotthatmeandoldIdahowasontheouts.Hewassittingstillonastoolreadingawaywithakindofpartlysoftandpartlymysteriouslookshiningthroughhistan-barkwhiskers.
Idaho,"
whatkindofabookisyours?
Idahomusthaveforgot,too,forheansweredmoderate,withoutanyslanderormalignity.
Why,"
sayshe,"
thishereseemstobeavolumebyHomerK.M."
HomerK.M.what?
Iasks.
Why,justHomerK.M.,"
sayshe.
You'
realiar,"
saysI,alittleriledthatIdahoshouldtrytoputmeupatree."
Nomanisgoing'
roundsigningbookswithhisinitials.Ifit'
sHomerK.M.Spoopendyke,orHomerK.M.McSweeney,orHomerK.M.Jones,whydon'
tyousaysolikeamaninsteadofbitingofftheendofitlikeacalfchewingoffthetailofashirtonaclothes-line?
Iputittoyoustraight,Sandy,"
saysIdaho,quiet."
It'
sapoembook,"
byHomerK.M.Icouldn'
tgetcolouroutofitatfirst,butthere'
saveinifyoufollowitup.Iwouldn'
thavemissedthisbookforapairofredblankets."
rewelcometoit,"
saysI."
WhatIwantisadisinterestedstatementoffactsforthemindtoworkon,andthat'
swhatIseemtofindinthebookI'
vedrawn."
Whatyou'
vegot,"
saysIdaho,"
isstatistics,thelowestgradeofinformationthatexists.They'
llpoisonyourmind.GivemeoldK.M.'
ssystemofsurmises.Heseemstobeakindofawineagent.Hisregulartoastis'
nothingdoing,'
andheseemstohaveagrouch,buthekeepsitsowelllubricatedwithboozethathisworstkickssoundlikeaninvitationtosplitaquart.Butit'
spoetry,"
andIhavesensationsofscornforthattruckofyoursthattriestoconveysenseinfeetandinches.Whenitcomestoexplainingtheinstinctofphilosophythroughtheartofnature,oldK.M.hasgotyourmanbeatbydrills,rows,paragraphs,chestmeasurement,andaverageannualrainfall."
Sothat'
sthewaymeandIdahohadit.Dayandnightalltheexcitementwegotwasstudyingourbooks.Thatsnowstormsurefixeduswithafinelotofattainmentsapiece.Bythetimethesnowmelted,ifyouhadsteppeduptomesuddenlyandsaid:
"
SandersonPratt,whatwoulditcostpersquarefoottolayaroofwithtwentybytwenty-eighttinatninedollarsandfiftycentsperbox?
I'
dhavetoldyouasquickaslightcouldtravelthelengthofaspadehandleattherateofonehundredandninety-twothousandmilespersecond.Howmanycandoit?
Youwakeup'
mostanymanyouknowinthemiddleofthenight,andaskhimquicktotellyouthenumberofbonesinthehumanskeletonexclusiveoftheteeth,orwhatpercentageofthevoteoftheNebraskaLegislatureoverrulesaveto.Willhetellyou?
Tryhimandsee.
AboutwhatbenefitIdahogotoutofhispoetrybookIdidn'
texactlyknow.Idahoboostedthewine-agenteverytimeheopenedhismouth;
butIwasn'
tsosure.
ThisHomerK.M.,fromwhatleakedoutofhislibrettothroughIdaho,seemedtometobeakindofadogwholookedatlifelikeitwasatincantiedtohistail.Afterrunninghimselfhalftodeath,hesitsdown,hangshistongueout,andlooksatthecanandsays:
Oh,well,sincewecan'
tshakethegrowler,let'
sgetitfilledatthecorner,andallhaveadrinkonme."
Besidesthat,itseemshewasaPersian;
andIneverhearofPersiaproducinganythingworthmentioningunlessitwasTurkishrugsandMaltesecats.
ThatspringmeandIdahostruckpayore.Itwasahabitofourstoselloutquickandkeepmoving.Weunloadedourgrubstakerforeight
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