Nobel Lecture On the Battle LostWord下载.docx
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Nobel Lecture On the Battle LostWord下载.docx
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Noarms...nolegs...IthinkI'
veknownwhatloveissincechildhood...
HereareafewsadmelodiesfromthechoirthatIhear...
Firstvoice:
"
Whydoyouwanttoknowallthis?
It'
ssosad.Imetmyhusbandduringthewar.IwasinatankcrewthatmadeitallthewaytoBerlin.Iremember,wewerestandingneartheReichstag–hewasn'
tmyhusbandyet–andhesaystome:
Let'
sgetmarried.Iloveyou."
Iwassoupset–we'
dbeenlivinginfilth,dirt,andbloodthewholewar,heardnothingbutobscenities.Ianswered:
Firstmakeawomanofme:
givemeflowers,whispersweetnothings.WhenI'
mdemobilized,I'
llmakemyselfadress."
IwassoupsetIwantedtohithim.Hefeltallofit.Oneofhischeekshadbeenbadlyburned,itwasscarredover,andIsawtearsrunningdownthescars."
Alright,I'
llmarryyou,"
Isaid.Justlikethat...Icouldn'
tbelieveIsaidit...Allaroundustherewasnothingbutashesandsmashedbricks,inshort–war."
Secondvoice:
WelivedneartheChernobylnuclearplant.Iwasworkingatabakery,makingpasties.Myhusbandwasafireman.Wehadjustgottenmarried,andweheldhandsevenwhenwewenttothestore.Thedaythereactorexploded,myhusbandwasondutyatthefirеstation.Theyrespondedtothecallintheirshirtsleeves,inregularclothes–therewasanexplosionatthenuclearpowerstation,buttheyweren'
tgivenanyspecialclothing.That'
sjustthewaywelived...Youknow...Theyworkedallnightputtingoutthefire,andreceiveddosesofradiationincompatiblewithlife.ThenextmorningtheywereflownstraighttoMoscow.Severeradiationsickness...youdon'
tliveformorethanafewweeks...Myhusbandwasstrong,anathlete,andhewasthelasttodie.WhenIgottoMoscow,theytoldmethathewasinaspecialisolationchamberandnoonewasallowedin."
ButIlovehim,"
Ibegged."
Soldiersaretakingcareofthem.Wheredoyouthinkyou'
regoing?
Ilovehim."
Theyarguedwithme:
Thisisn'
tthemanyouloveanymore,he'
sanobjectrequiringdecontamination.Yougetit?
Ikepttellingmyselfthesamethingoverandover:
Ilove,Ilove...Atnight,Iwouldclimbupthefireescapetoseehim...OrI'
daskthenightjanitors...Ipaidthemmoneysothey'
dletmein...Ididn'
tabandonhim,Iwaswithhimuntiltheend...Afewmonthsafterhisdeath,Igavebirthtoalittlegirl,butshelivedonlyafewdays.She...Weweresoexcitedabouther,andIkilledher...Shesavedme,sheabsorbedalltheradiationherself.Shewassolittle...teeny-tiny...ButIlovedthemboth.Canyoureallykillwithlove?
Whyareloveanddeathsoclose?
Theyalwayscometogether.Whocanexplainit?
AtthegraveIgodownonmyknees..."
ThirdVoice:
ThefirsttimeIkilledaGerman...Iwastenyearsold,andthepartisanswerealreadytakingmeonmissions.ThisGermanwaslyingontheground,wounded...Iwastoldtotakehispistol.Iranover,andheclutchedthepistolwithtwohandsandwasaimingitatmyface.Buthedidn'
tmanagetofirefirst,Idid...
Itdidn'
tscaremetokillsomeone...AndIneverthoughtabouthimduringthewar.Alotofpeoplewerekilled,welivedamongthedead.IwassurprisedwhenIsuddenlyhadadreamaboutthatGermanmanyyearslater.Itcameoutoftheblue...Ikeptdreamingthesamethingoverandover...Iwouldbeflying,andhewouldn'
tletmego.Liftingoff...flying,flying...Hecatchesup,andIfalldownwithhim.Ifallintosomesortofpit.Or,Iwanttogetup...standup...Buthewon'
tletme...Becauseofhim,Ican'
tflyaway...
Thesamedream...Ithauntedmefordecades...
Icouldn'
ttellmysonaboutthatdream.Hewasyoung–Icouldn'
t.Ireadfairytalestohim.Mysonisgrownnow–butIstillcan'
t..."
Flaubertcalledhimselfahumanpen;
IwouldsaythatIamahumanear.WhenIwalkdownthestreetandcatchwords,phrases,andexclamations,Ialwaysthink–howmanynovelsdisappearwithoutatrace!
Disappearintodarkness.Wehaven'
tbeenabletocapturetheconversationalsideofhumanlifeforliterature.Wedon'
tappreciateit,wearen'
tsurprisedordelightedbyit.Butitfascinatesme,andhasmademeitscaptive.Ilovehowhumanstalk...Ilovethelonehumanvoice.Itismygreatestloveandpassion.
Theroadtothispodiumhasbeenlong–almostfortyyears,goingfrompersontoperson,fromvoicetovoice.Ican'
tsaythatIhavealwaysbeenuptofollowingthispath.ManytimesIhavebeenshockedandfrightenedbyhumanbeings.Ihaveexperienceddelightandrevulsion.IhavesometimeswantedtoforgetwhatIheard,toreturntoatimewhenIlivedinignorance.Morethanonce,however,Ihaveseenthesublimeinpeople,andwantedtocry.
Ilivedinacountrywheredyingwastaughttousfromchildhood.Weweretaughtdeath.Weweretoldthathumanbeingsexistinordertogiveeverythingtheyhave,toburnout,tosacrificethemselves.Weweretaughttolovepeoplewithweapons.HadIgrownupinadifferentcountry,Icouldn'
thavetraveledthispath.Eviliscruel,youhavetobeinoculatedagainstit.Wegrewupamongexecutionersandvictims.Evenifourparentslivedinfearanddidn'
ttelluseverything–andmoreoftenthannottheytoldusnothing–theveryairofourlifewaspoisoned.Evilkeptawatchfuleyeonus.
Ihavewrittenfivebooks,butIfeelthattheyareallonebook.Abookaboutthehistoryofautopia...
VarlamShalamovoncewrote:
Iwasaparticipantinthecolossalbattle,abattlethatwaslost,forthegenuinerenewalofhumanity."
Ireconstructthehistoryofthatbattle,itsvictoriesanditsdefeats.ThehistoryofhowpeoplewantedtobuildtheHeavenlyKingdomonearth.Paradise!
TheCityoftheSun!
Intheend,allthatremainedwasaseaofblood,millionsofruinedhumanlives.Therewasatime,however,whennopoliticalideaofthe20thcenturywascomparabletocommunism(ortheOctoberRevolutionasitssymbol),atimewhennothingattractedWesternintellectualsandpeopleallaroundtheworldmorepowerfullyoremotionally.RaymondAroncalledtheRussianRevolutionthe"
opiumofintellectuals."
Buttheideaofcommunismisatleasttwothousandyearsold.WecanfinditinPlato'
steachingsaboutanideal,correctstate;
inAristophanes'
dreamsaboutatimewhen"
everythingwillbelongtoeveryone."
...InThomasMoreandTommasoCampanella...LaterinSaint-Simon,FourierandRobertOwen.ThereissomethingintheRussianspiritthatcompelsittotrytoturnthesedreamsintoreality.
Twentyyearsago,webidfarewelltothe"
RedEmpire"
oftheSovietswithcursesandtears.Wecannowlookatthatpastmorecalmly,asanhistoricalexperiment.Thisisimportant,becauseargumentsaboutsocialismhavenotdieddown.Anewgenerationhasgrownupwithadifferentpictureoftheworld,butmanyyoungpeoplearereadingMarxandLeninagain.InRussiantownstherearenewmuseumsdedicatedtoStalin,andnewmonumentshavebeenerectedtohim.
The"
isgone,butthe"
RedMan,"
homosovieticus,remains.Heendures.
Myfatherdiedrecently.Hebelievedincommunismtotheend.Hekepthispartymembershipcard.Ican'
tbringmyselftousetheword‘sovok,'
thatderogatoryepithetfortheSovietmentality,becausethenIwouldhavetoapplyitmyfatherandothersclosetome,myfriends.Theyallcomefromthesameplace–socialism.Therearemanyidealistsamongthem.Romantics.Todaytheyaresometimescalledslaveryromantics.Slavesofutopia.Ibelievethatallofthemcouldhaveliveddifferentlives,buttheylivedSovietlives.Why?
Isearchedfortheanswertothatquestionforalongtime–ItraveledalloverthevastcountryoncecalledtheUSSR,andrecordedthousandsoftapes.Itwassocialism,anditwassimplyourlife.Ihavecollectedthehistoryof"
domestic,"
indoor"
socialism,bitbybit.Thehistoryofhowitplayedoutinthehumansoul.Iamdrawntothatsmallspacecalledahumanbeing...asingleindividual.Inreality,thatiswhereeverythinghappens.
Rightafterthewar,TheodorAdornowrote,inshock:
WritingpoetryafterAuschwitzisbarbaric."
Myteacher,AlesAdamovich,whosenameImentiontodaywithgratitude,feltthatwritingproseaboutthenightmaresofthe20thcenturywassacrilege.Nothingmaybeinvented.Youmustgivethetruthasitis.A"
super-literature"
isrequired.Thewitnessmustspeak.Nietzsche'
swordscometomind–noartistcanliveuptoreality.Hecan'
tliftit.
Italwaystroubledmethatthetruthdoesn'
tfitintooneheart,intoonemind,thattruthissomehowsplintered.There'
salotofit,itisvaried,anditisstrewnabouttheworld.Dostoevskythoughtthathumanityknowsmuch,muchmoreaboutitselfthanithasrecordedinliterature.SowhatisitthatIdo?
Icollectth
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