BEC作文名师点评Word文档格式.docx
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BEC作文名师点评Word文档格式.docx
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On20April,twosetsofourmachinesgotoutofaction.Unfortunetely,thesemachineswerejustmakingthegoodsyouordered.Becauseofthisunforeseeableevent,Therefore,wehavebeenunbaletodeliveryourordertimely.Asourproductionlinehasbeenwhollyrenewed,Iamsurethatthiskindofproblemwillnothappenagain.
Accordingtoourcontract,wewillreplacethetwodamageddesksmentionedinyourletterof28June2001.
Asforspecialdiscount,becauseofyourgoodcooperation,wewillprovideyouadiscountof10percentjustasyouweretold.Additionally,inordertocompensatefortheinconveniencewhichwehavebroughttoyou,anextradiscountof2percentwillbeofferedandthecorrectinvoicewillbesenttoyounextweekaswell.
你给的这个折扣象是施舍。
请对照范文看看差异,范文写的更礼貌更客气更具有诚意。
IwouldliketoapologiseagainandIcanassurethatallyourfutureorderswillbedealtwithpromptlyandeffectively.
Ilookforwordtohearingfromyousoon.
Band3写得还不错,但超字了。
网友作文三:
DearMrChandler,
Iamwritinginresponsetoyourletterof28June2001abouttheorderNo.B13/4620.
Firstofall,IwouldliketoapologizeforlaterthelatedeliveryofyourorderasafirebrokeoutattheendofAprilinourfactory.Asaresult,wehadtoworkovertimetoreproduceASAP.However,Ideeplyregretthatyourorderwaswereoneofalargepartoftheordersthathavebeendelayedforsuchaterribleaccident.
Therefore,asourestablishedcustomer,这里逻辑比较乱as如果是介词的话,是作为的意思。
wewillofferyouadditional5%discount5%exceptoneconfirmedinourcontractasbefore.Andthereversedcorrectinvoiceandtherepaireditemstwonewdeskswillwouldbesenttoyouonnextweekatthesametime.
对题目理解有误,是送新的桌子,而不是修好后的桌子。
Iwouldliketoassureyouthatwewilldealwithyourorderasquicklyaswecaninthefuture.
Yourssincerely
Band2
任务完成的不是特别令人满意,对题意的理解也不完全正确。
请再重听一遍范文讲解。
本期作文题目:
Youarethemanagerofasmalloffice.Inordertoreducecostsandimprovethecompany'
senvironmentalpractices,youhavedecidedtocollectandrecycleallpaperusedintheoffice.
Writeamemoof40-50words:
informingstaffofthenewpolicy.
explaininghowthepaperwillbecollected
requestingstafftoco-operatewiththescheme.
参考作文:
Sample48words
TO:
Allstaff
From:
PaulBlake
PleasenotethatfromnextMondayweareintroducingaenvironmentallyfriendlyscheme.Allusedpaperfromtheofficewillberecycled.Usedsheetsshouldbeplacedinthegreenbinnexttothephotocopierforcollection.Allstaffateaskedfortheirfullcooperationwiththisscheme.
网友作文一:
Allstaff
FROM:
RE:
recyclepaperpolicy
Inordertoreducecostsandimproveourcompany'
senvironmentalpractices,Idecideto[1]collectandrecycleallpaperusedintheoffice.youshoudplaceyourpaperinthegreenboxnearthefountainbefore6pmonfriday,wewillrecyclethemonceaweek.
Cooperateplease[2].
修改:
[1]你不是公司的助理或者负责清洁的吧?
怎么自己去collectpaper?
改为:
itisdecidedto....
[2]这句话应该放在上面一段的最尾。
不是please,而是weneedyourcooperation.
网友作文二:
To:
Mr.Za
Hereisthenewpolicyaimto[1]reductionthecosts[2]andimprovementoftheenvironmentalpracticesofourcompany.Usedpaperinthisoffice,oneffectofthispolicy,shouldbecollectedbyoneappointedclerkeachdayforrecycleusebysellingthemtorecyclebinforaprofit.[3]Pleasecooperatewiththispolicyforourowngoodandeachonewillservethedutyinturn.[4]
Thankyou
[1]结构问题,后面应该是分词做定语或状语,改为:
aimingto
[2]反了,应该是:
costreduction另外,aimto是个动词词组,to是介词么?
后面应该是动词词组。
[3]公司要靠卖废品来取得利润么?
这句话说得可是太掉价了。
去掉吧。
[4]去掉。
Youareakeyaccountmanagerforatelecommunicationscompany.Youaregoingtobeoutoftheofficeforaweek.
Writeane-mailof40-50wordstoyourclient.
*tellingthemhowlongyouwillbeaway
*explainingwhereyouwillbe
*suggestingwhotheycancontactwhileyouareaway.
Sample:
DearMr.Pawlak:
Iwillbeoutoftheofficefortendaysfrom18thNovember.IwillbeattendingtheTelecommunicationsTradeFairinLondon.WhileIamawaymycolleagueMarryRichardswillbelookingaftermyclients,pleasecontactherwithanyquestionsorproblemsyoumayhave.
网友作文:
sarah,abccompany
Fr:
nono,managerforaatelecommunicationscompany
Date:
Nov.7th,2008
subject:
aboutaweekleaveforbusinesstrip
I'
dliketotellyouthat[1]Iwillbeone-weekleaveforabusinesstripinEnglandfromNov.10thtoNov.15th.Ifyouhaveanyproblems,don'
thesitatetocontactwithmyassistantjuliewhoseextensionnumberis555andshewillhelpyoutodotheoperation.
Thanksforyourcoorperation[2].
[1]去掉
[2]去掉。
其他地方很好!
Formulateasmokingpolicyforyourofficewhichisfairtobothsmokersandnonsmokers.Writea40-50wordmemoinformingallstaffofthepolicy.
老师提示:
我们需要确定,如果我是公司职员,我要在这篇memo中获得什么信息?
是不是要知道:
1.新的吸烟政策从什么时候开始;
2.吸烟区划定在什么地方?
AllEmployees
CEO,WillanSmith
SUBJECT:
NEWSMOKINGPOLICY
Foralltheemployees,especiallysmokers,[1]plzbeawarethatourcompany'
snewsmokingpolicyhasbeenformulatedasfollow:
Amainsmokingarea'
sgoingtoberestrictedbeforeNextMONDAY[2],anyoneisnotallowedtosmokerinnon-smokingzoneeveninthewashingroom.[3]
Plztargetthesmokingandnon-smokingareaandsticktothecompany'
snewpolicy.[4]
Thx.
[1]去掉,抬头已经写过给所有的员工,所以直接从正文开始就行了,费这个事干什么?
[2]时间不确切,最好是fromnextMonday.Before这个期限是什么时候?
如果不能给出确切信息,就不要说,还不如换成具体的吸烟区域更好:
berestrictedtotheroomnexttothetoilet.
[3]你经常在洗手间吸烟吗?
或者你们公司有这样的同事?
把这句话去掉。
[4]添加:
toensurethatitisfairtoallofyou.
Hope0068
Everybodyknowthatsmokingisdangerousforyourhealth.AndtheThestudiesdidn'
tjustpointtotheilleffectsofsmokingonthosewhosmoke--non-smokers,too.[1]Noticeisherebygiventhatthesmokingareaislocatedinthespecialcorner[2]ofthefirstfloorofthisbuilding.Thiscomeintoforceon[3]September15th.
Thanks.
[1]Memo的主要作用就是提醒同事们注意事项,这和吸烟有多有害不相干,去掉。
改为:
toassureworkingenvironment
[2]一般的公司都应该给个room
[3]from
你是一家国际大公司的人力资源部经理。
你刚刚任命弗朗西斯卡女士为公司总部的销售经理。
给总部的全体员工写一个字数为40-50的备忘录:
(1)宣布对弗朗西斯卡女士的任命。
(2)说明她开始工作的具体时间。
(3)要求总部员工准备欢迎她。
提示:
1注意这次的备忘录不是直接写给个人的,而是写给集体员工的,因而格式上一般不用信头称呼的形式,也不采用在结尾处署上写信人的名字的方式,而是在备忘录的开头处写明收信人To___________,在结尾处写明具体的写信人From__________以及题:
Re_______或Subject:
__________。
2要看清角色要求,作为经理给总部的全体员工写备忘录,文体不必太正式。
老师建议:
首先,我们要了解一篇memo的基本格式:
MEMORANDUM
OliveHRManagerTo:
12June,2008Subject:
AppointmentofFrancisco
HereweannouncetheappointmentofMrs.FranciscoasournewSalesManageroftheHeadquarter.ShewillbestartingherjobnextMondaymorning.Therewillbeasmallwelcomepartyby9:
00thatdaysoeveryonepleasebeontime.
从基本格式来看,网友的作文在格式上欠缺完整。
职位称呼错误。
其次,写一篇作文,我们说任何形式的BEC作文,都要考虑如下因素:
Whoisgoingtoreadmymemo?
Whathasthereaderalreadyknownaboutthis?
Whatdoesthereaderneedtoknow?
Howisthereadergoingtorespondmymemo?
第三,memo尽量使用短句,这样表达清晰,结构紧凑。
第四,字数超,memo使用词汇要简短干练,确保大家都看得懂。
第五,写memo前要考虑清楚字句的组织,用精练的语言,有头有尾地把memo完成。
YouareamanageratanauditorscalledGolding&
Co.YourcompanyhasjustmergedwithacompetitortobecomeMasonGolding.Youhavebeenaskedtoinformstafffofthechangeofname.
informingstaffofthenewname.
tellingthemwhentostartusingthenewname.
askingstafftouseonlythenewnameafterthattime.
样本Samplewriting(46words)
Mr.Port
Iwouldliketoinformyouthat,followingtherecentmergerwithMasonandSon,thenewnameforourcompanywillbeMasonGolding.Thisnamebecomesofficialon12th,Nov.2008.Pleasenotethatfromthistime,thenewcompanynameonlyshouldbeused.
Thankyou.
ALLSTAFF
MANAGER
CHANGETHECOMPANYNAME
Asyouknow,(ourcompanyhasmergedlastweek)[1].Wedecidetochangethename.[2]FromJuly.8ththecompanynamechangestoMasonGolding.
Pleasepayattentiontousethenewnamefor[3]insteadwhenyouhaveameetingwithclient.[4]
[1]这句话明显是中文的痕迹,译成中文,中国人可以理解,外国人肯定不能。
[2]既然并购就意味着要换公司的名字,怎么是wedecide?
在商务英语的写作中,主语一般都选择客体代词,避免应用主观性很强的句子。
[3]Instead可以直接放在句尾,不用介词。
[4]这个范围也太有限了,难道只有和客户见面才用新名称么?
整句改为:
pleaseusethenewnameofficiallyfromthen.
P.Jones
allthestaff
9/21/2008
Subject:
thecompanyname
Asourcompanyhasjustmergedwithacompatitor[1]tobecomeMasonGolding.Wedeciededto[2]startusingthenewnamenextweek
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