word完整版《老爸老妈罗曼史》第一季Word格式文档下载.docx
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word完整版《老爸老妈罗曼史》第一季Word格式文档下载.docx
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Marshall:
[stopsworkingandlooksatLily]
Nounderwear?
Notevenslightly。
Guys...
[camerapanstorevealheisintheroomwiththem]
BOUNDARIES!
[RobindiscoverswhyTedthrewthreestraightpartiesinasmanynights]
Ted:
Robin,lookIdidn’tinviteyoutothispartytosetyouupwithCarlos。
Ortheonebeforethat。
Ortheonebeforethat.
[Robinsmiles]
IthrewthesepartiesbecauseIwantedtoseeyou.
Robin:
Well,hereIam.
There’ssomethinghere,look,unlessI'
mcrazy。
You'
renotcrazy.I-Idon’tknow,Ted,Imeanwebarelyknoweachotherandyou'
relookingatmewiththatlookandit’slike—
Likewhat?
Robin:
Like—let’sfallinlove,andgetmarriedandhavekidsanddrivethemtosoccerpractice。
I’mnotgonnaforcesportsonthemunlessthey'
reinterested.
[laughs]
It’sagreatlook。
Butyou’relookingatthewronggirl.
No,I’mnot.
Yes,youare.Idon’twannagetmarriedrightnow,maybeeverandifwegottogetherI'
dfeellikeI'
deitherhavetomarryyouorbreakyourheartand-Ijustcouldn'
tdoeitherofthosethings.Justlikeyoucan’tturnoffthewayyoufeel。
[reachesinjacket]
Click。
Off。
Let’smakeout。
[laughs]
What?
What?
Thatwastheoffswitch!
AndIturneditoff。
Imeansureyes,Iwannafallinlovegetmarriedblah,blah,blah,but—ontheotherhand-you,me,theroof.
There’snooffswitch.
Thereisanoffswitch…andit’soff.
[smiling]
no,it’snot.
[silence]
yes,itis.
[drawsclosertoTed]
No…it’s—not。
Yes—itis
[longkisswithRobin]
Noit’snot。
You’reright,there’snooffswitch.GodIwishtherewasanoffswitch!
SweetTasteofLiberty
03]Edit
Thetruthis:
Myfriend,hedoesthisthingwherehegoestoairportswithfakeluggagetopickupgirlsandwefollowedsomeheretoPhiladelphia。
That’sit,that'
sallthisis!
AirportSecurityGuard:
Nobody’sthatlame.
Yes,he'
sthatlame。
[toBarney]
Tellhimyou'
rethatlame。
Barney:
.。
。
weareinternationalbusinessmen!
[ataparty]
Doyouevergobehindtheropeandtouch
it?
EmployeeatLibertyBellSite:
Onlyallthetime。
Doyoueverlike,stickyourheadinsideit?
Employee:
Yeah。
Haveyoueverlickedit?
Employee:
Nope。
.Ihaveneverlickedit.
IbetnobodyinhistoryhaseverlickedtheLibertyBell。
Ifsomeoneweretopullthatoff,Idaresayitwouldbe—what’stheword?
mleaving。
Legendary!
ReturnoftheShirt
[1。
04]Edit
Booger。
Yes,helloBarney。
Barney'
sofferingme50buckstosaysomestupidwordonalivenewsreport.
Notsomestupidword。
ButIamnotdoingit。
Iamajournalist.
What?
Journalist?
Youdothelittlefluffpiecesattheendofthenews.Oldpeople,babies,monkeys.That’snotjournalism.That’sjustthingsinadiaper.
Foryourinformation,mybossisabouttobumpmeupto。
.theCityHallbeat.
CityHall!
MissThang!
So,I'
mnotgoingtojeopardizemypromotionbysaying"
booger"
for50bucks.
Ofcoursenot。
Becausenowyou’resaying"
nipple”,andit’sahundred.
[motionswithfinger]
Stepintomyweb。
[TedjusttoldNataliethathewantstobreakupwithher.。
.again]
Natalie:
[afterthrowingahandfulofspaghettiathim]
I’mNOTTHEONEFORYOU!
?
I—I'
msorry.Ithoughtthatwasthematurethingtodo,I。
It’smybirthday!
Yes,Iknowit’sjust。
.
It'
smybirthday,andyou'
retellingmeI'
mnottheoneforyou?
It’snobigdeal.It’snotlikeyoulostthelottery--
Natalie:
Oh,sodatingyou’slikewinningthelottery?
[Tedstammers]
Sowhat'
stheproblem?
Ican'
texplain。
Try!
Well,it'
sjustineffable.
Oh,soI’mnot'
F-able’?
No,no,no,ineffablemeansitcan'
tbeexplained.
SoI'
mstupid?
What'
sgoingon?
What’sgoingonis,youbrokemyheartovermyansweringmachineonmybirthday.Waitedthreeyearsformetogetoveryou,trackedmedown,beggedmetogooutwithyouagain,onlysoyoucoulddumpmethreeyearslater,againonmybirthday!
Nono,it'
snotlikethat.。
.it'
sjust。
.。
it’sjust—
WHAT!
?
mjustlikesuperbusyrightnow。
FutureTed:
RememberwhenNataliesaid..。
[inflashback,atthebar]
Igota
KravMaga
classinabouthalfanhour。
ItturnsoutthatKravMagaisnotaformofyoga。
saformofguerrillastreetfightingdevelopedbythe
IsraeliArmy。
[NatalieproceedstobeatupTed]
OkayAwesome
[1.05]Edit
Ted,getyourcoat,we'
releaving.
Whathappenedtothat,uh,cutletyouweregrindingwith?
ThatwasmycousinLeslie!
What!
[beginstolaugh]
No,no,no.Wearenotlaughingaboutthis,Ted。
Thisisnotgonnabesomefunnystorythatwe’regonnabetellinginacoupleofmonths.It'
snotgonnabelike"
Rememberthattimewhenyouweregrindingwith—”NO。
Anddoyouknowwhy?
Because,italics,
[Barneyholdshishandsupandslantsthemtoanangle]
thisnightdidnothappen。
Hey.
Hey。
Lily:
Marshalljustditchedoutonourownparty.Couldyougetmeinthere?
Ikindaneedtokillhim。
ActuallyIcan’tevengetmyselfin。
Iwassuchadork。
IgetrecognizedonetimeandIstartthinkingI’m
JuliaRoberts。
mnoVIP,I'
mnotevenanIP;
mjustalonelylittlePsittingouthereinthegutter。
Youknowsomething,I'
dtakeaPinthegutteroverJuliaRobertsanyday.
SluttyPumpkin
06]Edit
Nobodyrememberswhatthehellahangingchadis。
Marshall:
Whatasadcommentaryonournationalattentionspan,thatwecouldforgetsucha
turbulenttimeinourpoliticalhistory。
[Asparrot]
Sadcommentary!
Rrrawk!
Allright,Pollygottapee!
Again?
[MarshallfollowsLilytothebathroom]
Whereareyougoing?
It’s。
..anelaboratecostume.
HowdoyoudothisTed?
Howdoyousitouthereallnight,inthecold,andstillhavefaiththatyourpumpkin'
sgoingtoshowup?
Well,I’mprettydrunk.LookIknowtheoddsare,theloveofmylifeisn’tgoingtomagicallywalkthroughthatdoorinapumpkincostumeat2:
43inthemorning.Butitjustseemsasniceaspotasanytojust,youknow,sitandwait.
Matchmaker
07]Edit
Justplaycool,don'
tTed—outaboutit.
Didyoujustusemynameasaverb?
Oh,yeah,wedothatbehindyourback。
"
Ted—out”:
tooverthink。
Alsosee"
Ted-up"
.”Ted-up”:
tooverthinkwithdisastrousresults.Samplesentence:
BillyTedded-upwhenhetried-”
Okay.。
.Igetit!
Sowhatwasit,acockroachoramouse?
Itwasacockamouse!
It’ssomesortofmutantcombinationofthetwo。
sasifacockroachandamouse,youknow。
Didthehorizontal,ten-legged,interspeciescha-cha?
TheDuel
08]Edit
[Flashback]
SowhenLilyandIgetmarried。
who'
sgonnagettheapartment?
Wow。
that'
satoughone.Y’knowwhoIthinkcouldhandleaproblemlikethat?
Who?
FutureTed&
FutureMarshall。
Totally.Let'
sletthoseguyshandleit。
[PresentDay]
Dammit,PastTed!
[LilyconfrontsTedandMarshallatthehospitalovertheirswordfight]
OnMondayI’mgonnahavetotellmykindergartenclass,whoIteachnottorunwithscissors,thatmyfianceranmethroughwithafreakin'
broadsword!
Well,justtobefair,itdidn'
tgoallthewaythrough.
I’msorry,isthisadiscussionaboutthe
degree
towhichyoustabbedme?
BellyFullofTurkey
[1.09]Edit
I’mCanadian,remember?
WecelebrateThanksgivinginOctober.
OhrightIforgot。
Youguysareweirdandyoupronouncetheword'
out’,’oot’。
Youguysaretheworld'
sleaderinhandgunviolence;
yourhealthcaresystemisbankruptandyourcountryisdeeplydividedonalmosteveryimportantissue。
[beat]
yourcopsarecalled’mounties’.
Barney.
Yeah,what'
sup?
Youhaveatimesheet?
Nooneelsedoes.
Yeah,so?
[Tedstealspaper]
Hey!
That'
smyprivatepersonalbusiness!
CourtMandatedCommunityService”?
OhmyGod,you'
reonprobation?
Whatdidyoudo?
[flashbacktoBarneyrunningawayafterpeeingonawall。
]
Iwasunfairlypunishedbecausethewallbelongedtothejudge’schurch!
Youpeedonachurch?
IpeedinanalleywhichhappenedtohaveachurchwhichIdidnotseebecauseIwasdrunk!
You
are
evil!
Allisrightwiththeworldagain.
ThePineappleIncident
10]Edit
Youokay?
Sure。
Why?
Ah。
.Idon’tknow。
Girlofyourdreams。
.datingabillionaire.
Okay,firstofall,hundred—millionaire.Andsecond,she'
snotthegirlofmydream
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