《老爸老妈罗曼史》第一季.docx
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《老爸老妈罗曼史》第一季.docx
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《老爸老妈罗曼史》第一季
Pilot[1.01]Edit
[Firstseeneoftheseries,in2030]
FutureTed:
Kids,I'mgoingtotellyouanincrediblestory,thestoryofhowImetyourmother.
Ted'sSon:
Arewebeingpunishedorsomething?
FutureTed:
No.
Ted'sDaughter:
Dad,isthisgonnatakeawhile?
FutureTed:
Yes.Twenty-fiveyearsago,beforeIwas
Dad,Ihadthiswholeotherlife…
[TedjustsawRobin]
FutureTed:
Itwaslikesomethingfromanoldmovie,wherethesailorseesthegirlacrossthecrowdeddancefloor,turnstohisbuddyandsays,"Seethatgirl?
I'mgonnamarryhersomeday."
Ted:
HeyBarney,seethatgirl?
Barney:
Ohyeeeahh,youjustKNOWshelikesitdirty.
Gosay'Hi'.
PurpleGiraffe[1.02]Edit
Lily:
Hey.I'mjustsittinghere.Wearingmyring.Mybeautifulring.Kindamakeswearingotherstuffseem
wrong.Like...myshirt.Kindadon'twannawearmy
shirtanymore.Ormyunderwear.Oh,that'sright,I'm
notwearingany.
Marshall:
[stopsworkingandlooksatLily]No
underwear?
Lily:
Notevenslightly.
Ted:
Guys...[camerapanstorevealheisintheroom
withthem]BOUNDARIES!
[RobindiscoverswhyTedthrewthreestraightpartiesin
asmanynights]
Ted:
Robin,lookIdidn'tinviteyoutothispartytoset
youupwithCarlos.Ortheonebeforethat.Ortheone
beforethat.[Robinsmiles]Ithrewtheseparties
becauseIwantedtoseeyou.
Robin:
Well,hereIam.
Ted:
There'ssomethinghere,look,uniessI'mcrazy.
Robin:
You'renotcrazy.I—Idon'tknow,Ted,Imean
webarelyknoweachotherandyou'relookingatme
withthatlookandit'slike——
Ted:
Likewhat?
Robin:
Like—let'sfallinlove,andgetmarriedand
havekidsanddrivethemtosoccerpractice.
Ted:
I'mnotgonnaforcesportsonthemuniessthey'i
interested.
Robin:
[laughs]It'sagreatlook.Butyou'relookingat
thewronggirl.
Ted:
No,I'mnot.
Robin:
Yes,youare.Idon'twannagetmarriedright
now,maybeeverandifwegottogetherI'dfeellikeI
eitherhavetomarryyouorbreakyourheartand—I
justcouldn'tdoeitherofthosethings.Justlikeyoucan'tturnoffthewayyoufeel.
Ted:
[reachesinjacket]Click.Off.Let'smakeout.
Robin:
[laughs]What?
Ted:
What?
Thatwastheoffswitch!
AndIturneditoff.
Imeansureyes,Iwannafallinlovegetmarriedblah,blah,blah,but—ontheotherhand-you,me,theroof.Robin:
There'snooffswitch.
Ted:
Thereisanoffswitch…andit'soff.
Robin:
[smiling]no,it'snot.
Ted:
[silenee]yes,itis.[drawsclosertoTed]
Robin:
No…itnots—
re
Ted:
Yes——itis[IongkisswithRobin]Noit'snot.Youright,there'snooffswitch.GodIwishtherewasanoffswitch!
SweetTasteofLiberty[1.03]Edit
Ted:
Thetruthis:
Myfriend,hedoesthisthingwherehegoestoairportswithfakeluggagetopickupgirlsandwefollowedsomeheretoPhiladelphia.That'sit,that'sallthisis!
AirportSecurityGuard:
Nobody'sthatlame.
Ted:
Yes,he'sthatlame.[toBarney]Tellhimyou'rethatlame.
Barney:
...weareinternationalbusinessmen!
Barney:
[ataparty]Doyouevergobehindtheropeandtouchit?
EmployeeatLibertyBellSite:
Onlyallthetime.
Barney:
Doyoueverlike,stickyourheadinsideit?
Employee:
Yeah.
Barney:
Haveyoueverlickedit?
Employee:
Nope...Ihaveneverlickedit.
Barney:
Ibetnobodyinhistoryhaseverlickedthe
LibertyBell.Ifsomeoneweretopullthatoff,Idaresayitwouldbe-what'stheword?
Ted:
I'mleaving.
Barney:
Legendary!
ReturnoftheShirt[1.04]Edit
Barney:
Booger.
Ted:
Yes,helloBarney.
Robin:
Barney'sofferingme50buckstosaysomestupidwordonalivenewsreport.
Barney:
Notsomestupidword.Booger.
Robin:
ButIamnotdoingit.Iamajournalist.
Barney:
What?
Journalist?
Youdothelittlefluffpiecesattheendofthenews.Oldpeople,babies,monkeys.
That'snotjournalism.That'sjustthingsinadiaper.
Robin:
Foryourinformation,mybossisabouttobumpmeupto...theCityHallbeat.
Lily:
CityHall!
MissThang!
Robin:
So,I'mnotgoingtojeopardizemypromotionbysaying"booger"for50bucks.
Step
Barney:
Ofcoursenot.Becausenowyou'resaying"nipple",andit'sahundred.[motionswithfinger]
intomyweb.
[TedjusttoldNataliethathewantstobreakupwithher...again]
Natalie:
[afterthrowingahandfulofspaghettiathim]I'mNOTTHEONEFORYOU!
?
Ted:
I-I'msorry.Ithoughtthatwasthematurethingtodo,I...
Natalie:
It'smybirthday!
Ted:
Yes,Iknowit'sjust...
Natalie:
It'smybirthday,andyou'retellingmeI'mnottheoneforyou?
Ted:
It'snobigdeal.It'snotlikeyoulostthelottery--
Natalie:
Oh,sodatingyou'slikewinningthelottery?
[Tedstammers]Sowhat'stheproblem?
Ted:
Ican'texplain.
Natalie:
Try!
Ted:
Well,it'sjustineffable.
Natalie:
Oh,sormnot'F
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