老友记 01 03.docx
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老友记 01 03.docx
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老友记0103
六人行1-3TheOneWiththeThumb
All:
Hey,Pheebs!
Hi!
Ross:
Hey.Oh,oh,how'ditgo?
Phoebe:
Um,notsogood.Hewalkedmetothesubwayandsaid'Weshoulddothisagain!
'
All:
Ohh.Ouch.
Rachel:
What?
Hesaid'weshoulddoitagain',that'sgood,right?
Monica:
Uh,no.Looselytranslated'Weshoulddothisagain'means'Youwillneverseemenaked'.
Rachel:
Sincewhen?
Joey:
Sincealways.It'slikedatinglanguage.Y'know,like'It'snotyou'means'Itisyou'.
Chandler:
Or'You'resuchaniceguy'means'I'mgonnabedatingleather-wearingalcoholicsandcomplainingaboutthemtoyou'.
Phoebe:
Or,or,y'know,um,'Ithinkweshouldseeotherpeople'means'Ha,ha,Ialreadyam'.
Rachel:
Andeverybodyknowsthis?
Joey:
Yeah.Cushionstheblow.
Chandler:
Yeah,it'slikewhenyou'reakid,andyourparentsputyourdogtosleep,andtheytellyouitwentofftoliveonsomefarm.
Ross:
That'sfunny,that,no,because,uh,ourparentsactuallydid,uh,sendourdogofftoliveonafarm.
Monica:
Uh,Ross.
Ross:
What?
Wh-hello?
TheMillners'farminConnecticut?
TheMillners,theyhadthisunbelievablefarm,theyhadhorses,and,andrabbitsthathecouldchaseanditwas-itw-.....OhmyGod,ChiChi!
OpeningCredits
[Scene:
ChandlerandJoey's,ChandlerishelpingJoeyrehearseforapart.]
Chandler:
"Sohowdoesitfeelknowingyou'reabouttodie?
"
Joey:
"Warden,infiveminutesmypainwillbeover.Butyou'llhavetolivewiththeknowledgethatyousentanhonestmantodie."
Chandler:
Hey,thatwasreallygood!
Joey:
Thanks!
Let'skeepgoing.
Chandler:
Okay."So.Whaddyawantfromme,Damone,huh?
"
Joey:
"Ijustwannagobacktomycell.'Causeinmycell,Icansmoke."
Chandler:
"Smokeaway."
(Joeytakesoutapackofcigarettesandalighter.Hefumblesanddropsthelighter.Thenhelightsacigarett,takesadrag,andcoughs.)
Chandler:
IthinkthisisprobablywhyDamonesmokesinhiscellalone.
Joey:
What?
Chandler:
Relaxyourhand!
(Joeyletshiswristgolimp.)
Chandler:
Notsomuch!
Joey:
Whoah!
Chandler:
Hey!
Joey:
Hey!
Chandler:
Alright,nowtrytakingapuff.
(Joeytriesandvisiblywinces.)
Chandler:
Alright..okay.No.Giveittome.
Joey:
Nonono,Iamnotgivingyouacigarette.
Chandler:
It'sfine,it'sfine.Look,doyouwannagetthispart,ornot?
Here.
(Joeyreluctantlygiveshimthecigarette.)
Chandler:
Don'tthinkofitasacigarette.Thinkofitasthethingthat'sbeenmissingfromyourhand.Whenyou'reholdingit,youfeelright.Youfeelcomplete.
Joey:
Y'missit?
Chandler:
Nah,notsomuch.Alright,nowwesmoke.(Takesapuff.)Oh..my..God.(Hecontinuestosmoke.)
[Scene,CentralPerk,everyoneexceptPhoebeandRachelisthere.]
Monica:
No,no,no.Theysayit'sthesameasthedistancefromthetipofaguy'sthumbtothetipofhisindexfinger.
(Theguysstretchouttheirfingers.)
Joey:
That'sridiculous!
Ross:
CanIuse..eitherthumb?
Rachel:
(carryingatrayofdrinks)Alright,don'ttellme,don'ttellme!
(Startshandingthemout.)DecafcappucinoforJoey..Coffeeblack..Late..Andanicedtea.I'mgettingprettygoodatthis!
All:
Yeah.Yeah,excellent.
Rachel:
(leavingtoserveothers)Goodforme!
(ThegangswapsallthedrinksforwhattheyorderedasPhoebeenters.Shesitsdownwithoutsayinghi.)
Joey:
Y'okay,Phoebe?
Phoebe:
Yeah-no-I'mjust-it's,Ihaven'tworked-It'smybank.
Monica:
Whatdidtheydotoyou?
Phoebe:
It'snothing,it'sjust-Okay.I'mgoingthroughmymail,andIopenuptheirmonthly,youknow,STATEMENT-
Ross:
Easy.
Phoebe:
-andthere'sfivehundredextradollarsinmyaccount.
Chandler:
Oh,Satan'sminionsatworkagain...
Phoebe:
Yes,'causenowIhavetogodownthere,anddealwiththem.
Joey:
Whatareyoutalkingabout?
Keepit!
Phoebe:
It'snotmine,Ididn'tearnit,ifIkeptit,itwouldbelikestealing.
Rachel:
Yeah,butifyouspentit,itwouldbelikeshopping!
Phoebe:
Okay.Okay,let'ssayIboughtareallygreatpairofshoes.DoyouknowwhatI'dhear,witheverystepItook?
'Not-mine.Not-mine.Not-mine.'AndevenifIwashappy,okay,and,andskipping-'Not-not-mine,not-not-mine,not-not-mine,not-not-mine'...
Monica:
We'rewithyou.Wegotit.
(Chandlerleansoverthebackofthecouchoutofsight.)
Phoebe:
Okay.I'd-just-I'dneverbeabletoenjoyit.Itwouldbelikethisgiantkarmicdebt.
Rachel:
Chandler,whatareyoudoing?
Monica:
(pulinghimup)Hey.Whaddyadoing?
(Chandlertriestoshrugnonchalantlybuteventuallyhehastoexhaleamouthfulofsmoke.)
All:
Oh!
Oh,God!
Ross:
Whatisthis?
!
Chandler:
I'msmoking.I'msmoking,I'msmoking.
Phoebe:
Oh,Ican'tbelieveyou!
You'vebeensogood,forthreeyears!
Chandler:
Andthis-ismyreward!
Ross:
Holdonasecond,alright?
Justthinkaboutwhatyouwentthroughthelasttimeyouquit.
Chandler:
Okay,sothistimeIwon'tquit!
All:
Ohhh!
Putitout!
Chandler:
Allright!
I'mputtingitout,I'mputtingitout.(HedropsitinPhoebe'scoffee.)
Phoebe:
Oh,no!
I-Ican'tdrinkthisnow!
Monica:
Alright.I'mgonnagochange,I'vegotadate.
Rachel:
ThisAlanagain?
How'sitgoin'?
Monica:
'S'goingprettygood,y'know?
It'snice,and,we'rehavingfun.
Joey:
Sowhendowegettomeettheguy?
Monica:
Let'ssee,today'sMonday...Never.
All:
Oh,comeon!
Comeon!
Monica:
No.NotafterwhathappenedwithSteve.
Chandler:
Whatareyoutalkingabout?
WeloveSchhteve!
Schhtevewasschhexy!
..Sorry.
Monica:
Look,Idon'tevenknowhowIfeelabouthimyet.Justgivemeachancetofigurethatout.
Rachel:
Well,thencanwemeethim?
Monica:
Nope.Schhorry.
[Scene:
Iridium,MonicaandPaulaareatwork.]
Monica:
Imean,whyshouldIletthemmeethim?
Imean,Ibringaguyhome,andwithinfiveminutesthey'realloverhim.Imean,they'relike-coyotes,pickingofftheweakmembersoftheherd.
Paula:
Listen.Assomeonewho'sseenmorethanherfairshareofbadbeef,I'lltellyou:
thatisnotsuchaterriblething.Imean,they'reyourfriends,they'rejustlookingoutafteryou.
Monica:
Iknow.Ijustwishthatonce,I'dbringaguyhomethattheyactuallyliked.
Paula:
Well,youdorealisetheoddsofthathappeningarealittleslimmeriftheynevergettomeettheguy..
[Scene:
MonicaandRachel's,Chandlerissmokingoutonthebalcony,Phoebeisabsent.]
Joey:
Letitgo,Ross.
Ross:
Yeah,well,youdidn'tknowChiChi.
Monica:
Doyouallpromise?
All:
Yeah!
Wepromise!
We'llbegood!
Monica:
(shoutstoChandler)Chandler?
Doyoupromisetobegood?
(Chandlermakesa'Crossmyheart'sign.Itstartstorainandhetapsonthewindow.)
Joey:
Youcancomein,butyourfilter-tippedlittlebuddyhastostayoutside!
(Chandlersulkiltypicksupagarbagecanlidandusesitasanumbrella.)
(Phoebeenters,walkstothecouch,sitsdown,andbeginstoreadaletterwithoutsayinghi.)
Ross:
Hey,Pheebs.
Phoebe:
'DearMs.Buffay.Thankyouforcallingattentiontoourerror.Wehavecreditedyouraccountwithfivehundreddollars.We'resorryfortheinconvenience,andhopeyou'llacceptthis-(Searchesinherpurse)-footballphoneasourfreegift.'Doyoubelievethis?
!
NowIhaveathousanddollars,andafootballphone!
Rachel:
Whatbankisthis?
(Theintercombuzzes.)
Monica:
Hey.It'shim.(Ontheintercom)Whoisit?
Alan:
(ontheintercom)It'sAlan.
Joey:
(shoutingtoChandler)Chandler!
He'shere!
(Chandlercomesin,drippingwet.)
Monica:
(toall)Okay,pleasebegood,please.Justrememberhowmuchyoualllikeme.
(SheopensthedoorandAlanenters.)
Monica:
Hi.Alan,thisiseverybody.Everybody,thisisAlan.
Alan:
Hi.
All:
Hi,Alan.
Alan:
I'veheardschhomuchaboutallyouguyschh!
(Everyonelaughs.)
[Timelapse,Alanisleaving.]
Monica:
(toAlan)Thanks.I'llcallyoutomorrow.(Alanexits,toall)Okay.Okay,let'slettheAlan-bashingbegin.Who'sgonnatakethefirstshot,hmm?
(Silence.)
Monica:
C'mon!
Ross:
...I'llgo.Let'sstartwiththewayhekeptpickingat-no,I'msorry,Ican'tdothis,can'tdothis.Welovedhim.
All:
Lovedhim!
Yeah!
He'sgreat!
Monica:
Waitaminute!
We'retalkingaboutsomeonethatI'mgoingoutwith?
All:
Yeah!
Rachel:
Anddidyounotice...?
(Shespreadsherthumbandindexfinger.)
TheGuys:
(reluctantly)Yeah.
Joey:
Knowwhatwasgreat?
Thewayhissmilewaskindacrooked.
Phoebe:
Yes,yes!
Likethemanintheshoe!
Ross:
...Whatshoe?
Phoebe:
Fromthenurseryrhyme.'Therewasacrookedman,Whohadacrookedsmile,Wholivedinashoe,Fora...while...'
(Dubiouspause.)
Ross:
...SoIthinkAlanwillbecometheyardstickagainstwhichallfutureboyfriendswillbemeasured.
Rachel:
Whatfutureboyfriends?
Nono,Ith-Ithinkthiscouldbe,y'know,it.
Monica:
Really!
Chandler:
Oh,yeah.I'dmarryhimjustforhisDavidHasselhofimpressionalone.YouknowI'mgonnabedoingthatatparties,right?
(Doestheimpression)
Ross:
YouknowwhatIlikemostabouthim,though?
All:
What?
Ross:
Thewayhemakesmefeelaboutmyself.
All:
Yeah...
CommercialBreak
[Scene:
CentralPerk,MonicaisaloneasRoss,Rachel,Chandler,andJoeyenterdejectedlyinsoftballgear.]
Monica:
Hi..howwasthegame?
Ross:
Well..
All:
WEWON!
!
Thankyou!
Yes!
Monica:
Fantastic!
Ihaveonequestion:
Howisthatpossible?
Joey:
Alan.
Ross:
Hewasunbelievable.Hewaslikethat-that-thatBugsBunnycartoonwhereBugsisplayingallthepositions,right,butinsteadofBugsitwasfirstbase-Alan,secondbase-Alan,thirdbase-...
Rachel:
Imean,it-itwaslike,itwaslikehemadeusintoateam.
Chandler:
Yep,wesureshowedthoseHassidicjewellersathingortwoaboutsoftball..
Monica:
CanIaskyouguys
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