第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登.docx
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第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登.docx
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第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登
第八届全国创新英语作文大赛优胜作文选登
题目:
Directions:
Readthefollowingparagraphandwriteacompositionasstatedatabout300wordsin60minutes.Yourcompositionwillbegradedaccordingtoclarity,accuracyandmeaningfulness.
InaccordancewithCRInews,thespiritofChinesevolunteers,fromrespondingtotheMay12earthquaketothe2008BeijingOlympicGames,notonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Officialstatisticsshowthatchinahasaccumulatedabout8billionhoursofvolunteerworkfrom380millionvolunteerssince1993andisgoingtohavemoreandmorevolunteers,especiallytheyouth.
Howdoyouunderstandvolunteerwork?
Inwhatway(s)isitimportanttopromotethewell-beingofindividuals,families,communitiesandtheworldatlarge?
Yourwritingoughttocontainthreeparts,yourviewpoint,thesupportingideas,andtheconclusion.
Comeandjoinusinvolunteerworkrightnow!
陈茜
江苏省张家港市第三中学高三18班
Deargrandfather:
Howareyou?
Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,inthenextyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,whichistoholdinShanghai.We,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,havemadeateamtodothevolunteerwork.AndyouarewelcomedbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeaboutChinesetraditionsandculture.Pleasedon'ttellmeyouaretoooldtodothisjob.Ibelieveyouaresuretoacceptmyinvitationafterreadingmyfollowingexplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork.
Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,isbecommingmoreandmorepopularthroughouttheworld.Asisknowntoall,volunteerworkisnotonlymeaningfulbutalsonecessary.Onemypersonalwete,what'smore,it'sinterestingandpleasant!
Ithelpusdevelopoursel.
Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerworkisanawailuabewanytogoinsocialexperience.Bydoingvolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftroubles.Theyhowever,canbecomematureanddeterminedbysolvingtheseproblems.Youknow,nopains,nogains.Also,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse'slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!
Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell.
Forfamilies,ifyou'rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,ofcouseyourissuewillbemoreeasilydealtwith.Ifyou'rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereexistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat“avirtwredeseruesamother”becauseyou'llgetthebestpresent-smiledeeplyfromone'sheart,inthewholeworld.
Itisagreatchanceforallmembersgettingclosertoeachotherincommunitiesbytakingpartinvolunteerwork.Theirteamspirits,theirco-operationwillbegreatimproued.So,whynot?
Themostimportantly,forthewholeworld,fortheentirehumanrace,volunteerworkwillmakeearthabetterplacetolivein,itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowtherearesomanypeoplearewillingtohelpothersalthoughtheycan'tgetmoneyfromit.Itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowweareallbrothersandsisters,thatweareallfamilies.
Mydeargrandfather,canreon!
JoinusandhelpintroduceowrgreatChineseculturetotheworld.21centuringisonopencewtury.Youcantrustyourselfandpleasetrustus,too!
We'llhelpyouandweneedyouhelp!
Let'smaketheworldabetterplacebybeingavolunteer!
It'sasmallstepforusbutitisaleurgeoneforthewholeworld!
Loveyou.
Yourgranddaught.
专家建议:
句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位,建议多练练关联词的用法。
词汇不够丰富,句型变化不多,建议多看些范文,多练一些经典句型。
专家点评:
文章立意很好,整体结构清晰,语言大体流畅,还能够引经据典,显示出有一定的文化底蕴。
Tobeavolunteer,Bringarayofsunshine
陈天悦
山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班
DearTom:
Itisagreatpleasureformetohavethewondefulchancetoputpentopaperandsendmygreetingstoyou.Yousaidthatyouwantedtobeavolunteeranddidn'tknowwhetheryoushouldornot.Iwanttohelpyouanalyseit.
Inmyopinion.Ithinkitisnotnolyagoodchancetohelpothersbutalsoagoodopportunitytomakeselp-improvement.You'dbetterparticipateinthevolunteerwork.Ifwecompaneyouthtoflouers,asisoftenthecase,thentheyoungvolunteersarethemostbeautifulflowers.Byjoininginthevounteerwork,youwillleamhowtohelpothersandhowtoloveothers.What'smoreyoucanalsofinditoutthattherearemanypeoplesufferingfromdisasterandthenyouwillvalueyourcomfortablelife.Althoughyoumayfeelverytiredasavolunteeranditmaycostyoumuchtimetohelpothers,Istillinsistthatyoushouldbeavolunteerbecausetheadvantagesbrightaboutbyvolunteerworkoverweighthedisadvantages.
Itallthepeoplerefusedtobevolunteers,thepeoplesufferedfromthemay12earthquakecouldloseheartandmostofthemwouldn'thavethechancetosurvivefromthatdisaster.Ifnoneofthepeoplewantedtobeavolunteer,theBeijingolympicGameswouldbeafailure.Ifeverypeopledidn'tfeellikebeingavolunteer,therewouldbenopeoplecleaningtheenvironmentandprotectingthebeautifulsceneryautomatically.Itwasterrible!
Fromallmentionedabove,volunteersplayaveryimportantpartinourdailylife.TobeavolunteerwillgaingloryforChina.Asisbrowtoall,Chinesechildrenarealwayslaughedatforlackofpractice.Sotobeavolunteerisagoodchancetocanpensateforit.
Frommypointofview,it'shightimethatyoubecameavolunteerandlearnedtohelpothers.Ifeveryonemakesacontributiontohelpingothers,theworldwillbemuchmorebeautiful!
Atlast,wishyouallthebest!
Yourssincerely.
Lily.
专家建议:
一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准,但结构显然不够简洁清晰,所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章,有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。
专家点评:
文章二三段的结构很混乱,建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性,并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写,而不是都堆在一段内,让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证,很混乱。
另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富,比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用:
helpothers就显得过于单一了~
Theimportanceofvolunteerwork
崔静远
辽宁省鞍山市鞍山市第一中学高三18班
Inmyopinion,volunteerworkisquiteanimportantpartofthemodernsociety.Thereasonsareasfollows.
Inthemoderntime,thankstothedeselopmentofeconomyandtechnolodge,materialenjoyment13earnedbothinhigherqualityandlargerquantiy.Atapriceofthis,individunlsaretakingtheriskoflosingtheirownvaluesandevensparingnoefferttomaketheirfartaneevenatthepriceoftheinterestofthesociety.Sothevolunteerworkhasbeenplayinganimportantpartasaspiritualcomfortnotonlytothereceiversbutalsotothevolunteers,promotingthewell-beingofthelove-givers,makingertravalueforothersandkeepingaperfectbalanceofthewholesociety.
Infamilies,volunteerworkwillhelptoemphasizetheimportanceofmorality,meetemotionalneedsandevenbecomeavivideducationallesson.Parents,whoarewidelyregardedasthefirstandmostimportantteachersoftheirchildren,areteachingtheirchildrenthroughtheactivitieswhichmusttruelytoachthedeepestpartoftheyoungsouls,insteadofserious,traditionalcrivicalwords.Also,duringtheprocess,inwhicheverymembershowstustruelove,othermembersareabletorecognizehimfromadifferencepointofview.Thiskindofawarnessispromisedtopromotethecommunicationofthefamilyinthefuture.Inthewholeworld,thevolunteerworkcanbeconsideredtobeanappropriatepartoftheglobalization,duringwhichtheworldisbecomingaGlobalvillage.Andthenaturalandeconomicchisastersaredrivingpeoplefromdifferentcultaralbackgroundstostandtogetheronthesameside,emphasizingtheinterestofthewholeworld,whichmustnotbedeffendedwithoutanycountry'sparticipation.Anditisthevolunteerworkthatcanbegrantedtheroleofofferinghelpinitshourofmarimumneed.
Allinall,volunteerworkistruelyaninreplacablepartofthesocietyanditisourresponsibilitytogiveourhandstomaketheworldabetterplace.
专家建议:
建议该生平时利用好学校里使用的中学英语教科书,因为教科书的权威性不容置疑,选材也适合中学生,是精读甚至背诵的最好选择。
之所以推荐给作者教科书,是因为该考生在写作长句子时出现较多错误,说明该生的语法基础不够夯实,那么中学英语课本就恰好能弥补这个弱点。
专家点评:
文章结构清晰明了,简洁明了的开头和结尾紧扣主题,精干又有力,很方便读者对文章主旨的把握。
中间部分的逻辑性强,思路也很清晰。
唯一不足的是在一些长难句的表达上出现了一些错误,有些句子让人很难理解。
在以后的写作中可以多关注长句子的练习。
VolunteerLife
代昱丞
辽宁省本溪市高级中学高二15班
Asweknow,“volunteer”isakindof“work”thatyouoffertodoit,andalso,itisforfree.
Fromschoolstoshops,fromOlympicstoworldwars,volunteersareeverywhere.AndtoChinesepeople,lastyearisanimpresive(impressive)yearbecauseofvolunteers.InMay12earthquakeandthe2008BeijingOlympicGams,volunteersplayedareallyimportantrole.TheytouchedeveryChinese'sheart,includingme.
Idon'tusuallyhavechancestodovolunteer'swork,butIhavesomecreativeideasaboutit.Inmyopinion,helpingothersisakindofvolunteeranditisimportanttoourlives.Wecan'tbecomeavolunteerinpoorruralarea,butwecanhelpclassmatessowe(solve)amathproblem;wecan'tjointheOlympics,butwecantakepartinasportsmeetinginschoolanddevelopethespiritof“higher,faster,stronger”inotherways;wecan'tgotoWenchuan,butwecansendour“gifts”there.Infact,wearevolunteeringeverydayandeverywhere,butweignoreitsometimes.
Volunteerisnotasimplematteraboutyourself,italsohasgreatinfluencetoyourlife,yourfamily,eventheworld.Iftherearenotvolunteersanymore,everyoneisselfishandvain,theworldwillbealonelyplace.Volunteercanbringpeoplewarmandkindfeelingsandhelpimproveyourpersonality.Whenyouarevolunteering,you'llfindthebeautyoftheworldandlifeandyoureallyfeelandtouchsomehardexperience,itisabletoleadyoutotreatyourfamily,yourlife,yourfridends(friends)morepreviously.Mydadoncetoldmeastory:
atthetimeofBeijingOlympicGamesoneyear'sflashback,somevolunteerssaidthat
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